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latest comics from people ArtemisStrong is following

My hotel in Italy comped me a full body massage.
From a man or woman?
Short, round, hairy Italian dude.
How did you keep from getting a boner?
I closed my eyes and pictured a short, round, hairy Italian dude.

Well, well, well. If it isn't Eddie Money.
It is. So are you going to let me in or not?
Not. I've got video footage from several hotels that would not warrant your enterance.
Oh yeah? Well I got...
Don't say it!
Two tickets to Paradise!

Don't you feel bad playing grab ass all day with Carol?
Why should I?
Well, I know it's consentual, Carol talks about it all time, but you both are married.
Oh, that. My wife is actually very encouraging about it.
Really?
Yeah. Every morning when I leave, she tells me to have a great day at work.

I'm not being critical, I'm just worried about your health.
By pointing out every pound I've put on?
I just think you could cut back a little or maybe read up a little more about health.
Actually, I did do some reading on the subject.
Really?
Yeah, after my fifth trip through the Chinese buffet line, I opened my fortune cookie and it read, "Good health will be yours for a long time."

by DragonXero
8-27-19
So what are we having for dinner?
I made some stuffed mushrooms, homemade mac and che-
Oh my God! You know I hate mushrooms! Why would you do this to me??
Because I thought you might like to try them, and I tried to eat the carrots last night!
Why are you causing all this drama?? I'm going to my mother's! I won't be back in the morning!
She'll be back in the morning. Again

by DragonXero
8-27-19
Here's some stew.
Oh cool, the carrots are pretty big so I can pick through them, thank you!
I have been slaving all day! You don't like my soup!!
No, your soup is awesome, I just don't like cooked carrots. I told you this before.
You just hate my cooking!
Dear lord, haven't we done this before?

Welcome to Jimmy Johns. What can I get started for you?
Got anything new?
We can offer you an egg on any sandwich.
Great. How are the eggs done?
Poached.

Amazon.com Headquarters
I know Apple has most of the market, but I think we can get back in it.
What are you suggesting?
A re-launch of our tablets. But how?
What about a publicity stunt? I think I got just the thing!
...you can clearly see the smoke for miles. And now for more on the Amazon Fire, we turn to...

Remember to thrown your snack trash away, kids. Food attracts bugs.
Hey, baby! Let's get it on!

Your mom and I are tired of you changing your hair color by wiping it on things.
You left your shoe polish out. That's your fault. I can go all day without wiping my head on anything.
Smashed fruit, wet paint, doesn't matter. You'll see!
Well ****!

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