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latest comics from people ArtemisStrong is following

page 2

It was once a robot
Someone said I was ugly
BUT YOU'RE FULL
He felt alone
I'm so alone, I have no friends
But one day ...
Hey, do you want to be my best friend?
No, who wants to be friends with black ice cream?

by crabby
8-04-19
When was the last time you had a Red Baron pizza?
A frozen one or from the actual restaurant?
Is there an actual Red Baron pizza restaurant that is associated with the frozen pizza brand?
I don't think so. It's not like how a Pizza Hut frozen pizza is from Pizza Hut.
There are frozen Pizza Hut brand frozen pizzas?
No.

by crabby
8-04-19
Dad, I've been going through your computer. We need to talk.
Yeah...
Your journal says that my leg injuries aren't real. Your journal says I can walk.
You can't believe everything you read son.
My journal says you don't make it through the night! Should I believe that or is it as weak as your Everybody Loves Raymond fan fiction?
Tell you what, I'll go grab some Pizza Hut and we can we can try to punch those fan fics up together. Just like old times.

by crabby
8-04-19
How is everything going with the new restaurant?
It's been awful. The restaurant is a chicken shack where the servers are supposed to be rude to make you feel like you're eating with family.
Oh wow. I really hate places like that.
It's supposed to be interactive, but I guess not everyone realized it was performance theater. Dr. Dre was rather insulted by the bus boy inparticular who called him a Willy Wonka knock off.
Dr. Dre!
Oh no! Not that Dr. Dre. The other Dr. Dre.

by crabby
8-04-19
Give it to me straight doc. What's wrong with me?
Well, I'm a chef, but judging by that taste of blood you offered me I'd say your blood pressure is too high. Maybe lay off the fatty meats.
Which lunch meats would you most recmmend I stay away from?
Oh, my son! You need to avoid the capocollo, the salami, the prosciutto, the coppa, the mortadella, the soppressata!
What else did my tests reveal?
Your urine test revealed you need to drink more water. It tasted terrible.

by crabby
8-04-19
I'm not even sure where I am right now. Last thing I remember is heading over to a random dive bar I found while driving home from my grandmother's condo. DAMNIT!
WHO THE HELL AM I? What am I even doing here?
Dad, are you finished yet? You asked me to pull over so you could ****. That was 15 minutes ago. You fell for awhile and it seemed like you may be having a seizure, but I let you work through it.
I appreciate that son. You let me keep my dignity. You're a good boy.

by kaufman
8-04-19
Y'know, Dave, you'll probably do a lot better if you hit the ball with an actual golf club, instead of that guitar.
You're missing the point, Bob. It's so beautiful here in Tehran, I want to be out on the course all day. If I shoot 500, so what?
Ok, whatever you s... hey, where'd you go?
Mr. President! I just heard another tanker was lost in the Persian Golf.
Great. I'll go on Twitter and blame it on immigrants.

by kaufman
8-04-19
Want some candy?
Sure.
What do you think?
Ewwwwwww! This tastes like monkey brains!
Well, of course it does. These are Rhesus Pieces.

by evil_d
8-03-19
In the Book of Jayden, chapter 3, it says that in Hell, the demons make you do something called "flog" with your fellow tormented souls.
"Flog"? Well that sounds right up my alley. I guess I can safely continue in my wicked ways, then.
But eventually:
"Flog"? I think your pastor was dyslexic. Here we make you play golf.
OH GOD, WHY??????

by crabby
7-31-19
So here's the thing. We could play golf or we could blow off some fireworks or maybe color some coloring books? I brought some Uno cards with me.
I'm dying. I invited you out golfing so I'd have a reason for us to get together so I could tell you that I'm dying.
You're dying? What do you mean you're dying? You didn't need to invite me onto the golf course for a golf game.
Well, I'm dying.
What is actually wrong with you? Is it cancer or something?
It's nothing serious. Just old age. How about we blow off some fireworks or maybe color some coloring books? I brought some Uno cards with me.

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