All comics by Atlas

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by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, in alley behind the lab...
Dave, I believe it is time for us to begin constructing our latest robotic creation.
Oh man, this is going to make me even balder and more of a midget.
Where did you say you bought these instructions?
Actually, I bought some scrap paper from a preschool.
I am going to turn around, and by the time I do, you need to be gone.
Yes sir!

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, in an alley behind the lab...
Maybe I can knock Mepitans unconscious and modify him.
Arrr
I will act like I am in trouble, and when he comes to help, I will spring on him...wait, he's leaving!
HELP IT IS GOING TO CHEW MY CUD.

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, in an alley behind the lab...
I'm really honored that you agreed to meet me and share your latest robot designs with me, Doctor Ziffenbauger.
Consider it nothing, my friend.
By the time you finish reading these schematics with your back turned to me, you will already be dead.
Robot Assassin Protocol Activated. Transformation Complete.
And they laughed at me for taking 'speedreading' as a skill.

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, inside the lab...
Hello. I'm waiting by the phone because I know Atlas is going to injure himself soon.
Eh, apparently they are calling me.
*rings*
Lemme guess...this has to do with Douglas Adams, doesn't it?
I was beaten up by a delinquent of an inferior mental capacity.

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, inside the lab...
Arr...I cannot take it anymore, I must put a stop to civil war reinactments.
I would probably end up doing this less often if I had more than ten different possible positions.
Let this be a lesson...
When Finn and I reinact the civil war, we mean buisness.

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, in an alley behind the lab...
You can't take me, I'm stuck.
He shouldn't get stressed out so easily, it's not like there aren't other comic strips to slay people in.

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, inside the lab...
For this next strip, we'd like to give you a taste of what the lab would be like if we all lived in England during World War Two.
Time warp activated....
*sniff* I'm being fined for overusing my ration of nails.
Should I tell him he's been drafted too?
There will be no more strips involving time travel, and you don't have to thank me.
I know what is going to happen to me when I try to attack that toy soldier, and I'm so embarrased.

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, inside the lab...
Hey, what do you know, I've been accepted into the most elite medical college in America!
Are you sure they just don't want you so they can experiment on you?
That's crazy, Rukh. Nobody does that in real life..
We must discover what makes him live through so much.
Be sure to order lots of nails and trash cans.

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, in Alaska...
Uh oh, it looks like we're being sued for those deadly chemicals we used in our Eskimo Pies.
I told you they'd find out, but...
Yes?
Don't you have to eat, like, a thousand of them for it to be dangerous?
Uugghhh...
Alright, I was wrong, you win the dare.

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, in an alley behind the lab...
To celebrate my tenth comic, I am going to read some fan letters.
Uh, you get fan letters?
Of course Cathy, all the time...
Who sends them?
Usually children, but sometimes I get letters from Mel Gibson. He's a big fan.
That's cool...but how are you going to read them without any frames left? *snicker*

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, in the lab...
Apparently, I've been chosen by the oppressed people of Gondorazoa to free them from the oppressive rule of insects they've encountered...
Sounds..uh..exciting.
Just lead me to the combat, Eskimo girl.
There goes the fastest reading gunslinger that ever lived....
Was it just me, or did he have a nail in his forehead?

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, in oppressed Gondorazoa...
They've got me surrounded on all sides...I'm doomed
I love you, I'll save you!

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, on an airplane...
That was close...at least I get a relaxing flight home from battle.
Excuse me sir, you're in my seat.
I guess she doesn't know that my brain stem explodes most of the time when I talk to women.
Jerk didn't even say a word.....

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, in a field...
Moo.
I cannot explain it, but somewhere I sense that my master is being thrown off a plane by a powerful woman.
I, Bessie, would go to his rescue were I not being milked by a farmer.

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, inside the lab...
You'll never guess how I finally got home.
Did it involve coating yourself with lead and posing as a sweatshop worker in order to sneak onboard a bus?
Well, actually...yeah.
You know lead's toxic, right?

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, inside the lab...
Me again. Same routine.
I think I am going to try to apologize to that girl over there...
There it goes!
*rings*

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
The main character of most every strip is Atlas. Atlas owns his own robotics lab, but he's also quite a bit accident prone. To his right is Dave, his partner in ownership and long time friend. You'll
Two of his friends are Catherine and Finn Delaney. The former just likes to make Atlas mad and laugh at him, the latter prefers to perform violent acts upon him.
Frequently, Atlas encounters the Eskimo Pie producers, who are really only children. And of course, there's always his prize cow Bessie. You just can't seperate Atlas and Bessie. Just like you can't s

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, in an alley behind the lab...
Charge! Newbie scum, you shall die!
Let this be a lesson Bessie, never hold a nail in front of yourself if there's danger of an explosion.

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, inside the lab...
I've been studying the existance of backmasked messages on popular music.
Really?
Yeah, those hidden messages can influence your subconscious to do all kinds of bad stuff.
You know, that sounds suspiciously untrue.
Well, Michael Jackson listened to his own music, and look what he ended up doing.
...You win.

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, inside the lab...
Hello. We're to our nineteenth episode, and to celebrate, we're going to give you our current counters.
Such as the fact that, so far, ambulances have appeared in this strip six times.
Civil War figures have appeared in four comics total...
This setting, the lab, has appeared in ten seperate comics (before this one, that is).
Atlas has sustained injury, one way or another, seven times total. Pretty impressive, considering the way he behaves.
And lastly, women have appeared in six comics. That's impressive too, if you know about the brain stem thing.

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, outside the lab...
I think the reason Atlas And Injury is so widely liked is the artistic diversity present in each strip.
I think it's because of the deep philosophical material on robots on society that is encoded in it.
I am pleased by the ethnic diversity of the characters involved.
The true source of it's success is probably it's avaibility. Anybody can read Atlas And Injury.
You guys aren't going to believe this, but I just spilled a whole lot of weird stuff in the water supply and I didn't have my pump.

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, in Atlas' mind...
*sniffs sadly*
I had a flashback to when I was in World War Two and I got my Dear John letter.
There there...don't let it get to you, man.
He gets real upset when people mistake him for John Tesh.

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, inside the lab...
It's amazing how, after only three hours, there are already crossover comics involving me.
And...and...I haven't been paid for them!
I have a feeling if I protest to that guy, I will wind up in a trash can.

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, in a graveyard...
I still have no clue how we got here, but I'm pretty sure nothing funny will happen in this strip.

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, outside the lab...
That last comic was absolutely awful. You've gotta come up with some new material.
Well, I would have had plenty of plot devices, but SOMEONE decided we couldn't do time travel.
Well, the women jokes seem to still be pretty funny. Try one.
Fine.
Close your eyes, please, we're going to time travel.
We're going to WHAT?

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, inside the lab...
I'm worried about Atlas...he's never been beaten into intensive care before.
If he can survive my driving, though, can't he survive anything?
Hey, you're right, Atlas is a real survivor.
Should I tell him he screamed like a baby during the whole ride?
PAIN! PAIN! PAIN! GIVE ME PAIN KILLERS!

 

by Atlas
5-12-01
One day, in the hospital...
So, after I said the bit about time travel, she just slapped me clear across the comic. My face is still red. (Actually, my face is always white. It's just an expression.)
Would you be able to use your robot powers to apologize to her for me?
Special Protocol. In exchange for Bessie, I may perform the job.
My strength is returning to me...what did you say?
Excellent, I will get him to chase me until he is tired and cannot escape my medical experiments.

 

by Atlas
5-13-01
One day, inside the lab...
The sudden switch to Spring fashion has gotten me beside myself.
All of my old clothing is suddenly a jumbled mess of clashing accessories!
How am I possibly supposed to compensate for the sudden switch in just a single day?
It's absolutely stupid! My stress levels are reaching unbearable peaks!
I'LL BE WITHOUT A DATE FOR AN ENTIRE SEASON!
Sorry everybody, wrong Cathy.

 

by Atlas
5-13-01
One day, hovering above the lab...
Protocol Completed. We have captured the medical miracle and brought him onboard.
I can tell these aliens are altering my mind because I am not able to make 'This Island Earth' jokes.
Prepare to eliminate his mind.
Pauly Shore is already warming up.

 

by Atlas
5-13-01
One day, hovering above the lab...
Do you have a last request?
Uh....release me?
Isn't it akward that the only reward that guy with the nail in his head was?
You mean the poisonous Eskimo Pies we were going to have to throw out?
Do you have an INTELLIGENT last request?
Uh..yes...I've always wanted to see if someone could eat their own weight in ice cream.

 

by Atlas
5-13-01
One day, inside the lab...
Wow, some people are getting pretty confused about me and you.
I guess we should explain the healthy staff relationship that actually exists behind the scenes here.
You see folks, we're all actors here. We don't actually hurt one another.
In reality, we're the best of friends. And not just us, all the rest of the cast too.
Maybe if I close my eyes and pretend he's not here, then it'll be easier to fake a smile...

 

by Atlas
5-13-01
One day, inside the lab...
In a previous episode, it was discovered that there was extraterrestrial life hovering over Earth.
We have taken a prime interest in this discovery, and in response have formed a petition.
Every name on this petition goes towards renewing 'The Lone Gunmen' for another season.
We believe that, with this recent development, this petition is neccesary for our own safety. Thank you.
Maybe if I close my eyes and pretend they're not here, then it'll be easier to not kill them...

 

by Atlas
5-13-01
One day, inside the lab...
Make him vanish...
Make them vanish...
Why are they closing their eyes like that?
I think it's a competition to see who can complete a 'Magic Eye' puzzle first.
Does he normally break into a sweat trying to do those?
No, I'd attribute that to him not being able to be in the presence of the opposite sex without claustrophobia.

 

by Atlas
5-13-01
One day, on the streets...
Wow, I've never seen someone hate sci-fi fans this much.
I've never seen a concentration induced seizure at all, actually.
Wait a minute, the body scanner is picking something up.
....His midocloreans are off the charts!

 

by Atlas
5-14-01
One day, outside the lab...
We'd like to take this time here to say a friendly 'Hey' to...
...All the other family-friendly comic strips out there on this site!
..Well..
Congratulations, I guess, you're an original.

 

by Atlas
5-14-01
One day, outside the lab...
Just curious...why did you choose to be a reinactor on the losing side?
Better not reveal the conspiracy.
Well, the way I see it, this is just one less flag that will wind up on the back winshield of a loser's 1963 Ford.
Only true rednecks identify cars by years. Traitor.
I knew the south couldn't rise again, anyway.

 

by Atlas
5-14-01
One day, inside the lab...
Wow, I've never seen a paper cut that big before.
Yikes, I had no idea switching to my letter reading expression could injure me.
...What can't?
Well, sticks and stones...yadda yadda...but words will never hurt me, you know.
I suppose I'd forgotten about all those painful nicknames.

 

by Atlas
5-14-01
One day, inside the lab...
Dave and I came up with a way to prevent infections after forehead nailings like that..
Whoa, you bought me some peroxide?
Yeah, let me apply it...this will only burn for a second while it kills the bacteria.
Okay, but don't tell anybody if I cry.
This is an unusually severe sensation.

 

by Atlas
5-14-01
One day, inside the lab...
Rukh, it seems a lot of people have been wondering why you're only in a couple of strips.
*cough* Well, I guess they don't know about all the behind the scenes work I do here for Atlas And Injury.
I do so much work planning this strip that I'm so exhausted I can't be in more than one or two strips. But I appreciate the letters.
And......cut. That was perfect.
Thanks, you're a great actor.
Thanks. That should quiet the deranged Rukh fans until you can kill him off and replace him with a new character.

 

by Atlas
5-14-01
One day, in the lab...
Hey, that one guy acted pretty freaked when I crawled across his arm.
Yeah, but what's he going to do, scream like a baby some more?
In cartoons, insectophobia can get this extreme.

 

by Atlas
5-14-01
One day, in the bombed ruins of the lab...
Ha, and they always said cockroaches were the big survivors. What nonsense!
Obviously they have not prevailed, unlike us robots!
Such tremendous boredom...
Hey, let's go find some pet cockroaches to play with.

 

by Atlas
5-17-01
One day, in a poorly translated version of Episode 25...
I am worried on atlas... that intensive is never beaten in the care before.
If it can survive my exhorter, although, it can survive nothing?
Of hey, have you, atlas are true surviving rights.
Should I declare to him which him like a baby during the whole voyage screamed?
PAIN! PAIN! PAIN! IT GIVES TO ME MURDEROUS OF PAIN!

 

by Atlas
5-21-01
One day, in the bombed ruins of the lab...
A lone man and his trusty cow, setting out to rebuild a ravaged city...
It has all the makings of a classic epic, doesn't it?
*nod*
...Next time I humiliate myself like this being dramatic, you're free to pretend you belong to someone else.

 

by Atlas
5-21-01
One day, inside the lab...
Hey folks.
Hello everyone. You may be wondering why Atlas, who rebuilt the entire city, happens to be communicating from afar with a computer.
Well, folks, I've decided to keep a good distance from the lab for a little bit. Just as a vacation. An all expenses paid stress ball, sort of. See you guys soon!
Coincidentally, we're also introducing a new character soon. Yes, soon we'll be featuring Kestrel - you won't want to miss our upcoming strips.
Here's the deal. Remember Sister Act? You take me in, disguise me as a fellow amish, and keep my identity secret, and in return...
You smuggle me in buttons and mechanical pencils? You've got a deal.

 

by Atlas
5-21-01
One day, in a graveyard...
What'cha doing?
Oh, nothing much. Buying a funeral plot for..well, you can guess.
I probably don't need to ask, but, why?
Oh, uh, you should see soon enough.
Howdy Kestrel.
Hey Cathy.

 

by Atlas
5-25-01
One day, in a forest...
Catherine, count the marker switches on this island and enter the number into the holoprojector.
Um...
I must continue to write to keep Riven from collapsing. Hurry, now.
Well..uh..Atla..Atru..
WARNING: Prolonged exposure to Myst may cause serious mental health problems. Use product with caution, and avoid friends named after characters from the game. Poison control: 555-9834.

 

by Atlas
6-01-01
You know, I've got to admit, when I first realized I was going to be stuck in an empty void with a talking pillar of flaming sulfur for an unknown period of time, I wasn't all so happy.
*nods*
But, you know, you're not so bad after all...
*nods*
The readers are going to be wondering for the next few days how exactly a flaming pillar can nod, you know. It's a shame it's just unexplainable.
*nods*

 

by Atlas
6-01-01
So, there I was, without any way to pay for the meal and the big game starting in seven minutes...
*nods*
...? Where'd he..I mean..it go?
I nearly had a heartattack...don't ever, ever do that.
Sorry.

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