All comics by BeatGrindRadio

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by BeatGrindRadio
5-04-03
And so I told Cjay that the moderation was unfair, but then he did this to me.
He turned you into a rooster?
No, he turned me into a hen.
No wonder I have teh b0nAr... At least you didn't commit LUEcide like the others.
Somewhere in LUEcide Hell...
Hot lesbians, my ass.
I didn't notice the wangs at first.

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-04-03
I was talking to Ashley the other day.
Oh yeah, how is she?
I think she's become an alcoholic over the past year.
Oh... that explains the grave looting at her job.
"You'll never see your dead fish again. I ate him!"?
We're dealing with one 'tupid bastard.

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-04-03
What are your feelings on Kaitlyn?
I think she's cool. Why?
She says hello and pets me at least once a day.
Did you see the news? They said she murdered someone!
I'm sorry I have to do this...
What the hell? Just take out my batteries!

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-04-03
Do you remember Nate?
Big head, long neck? In general, an idiot?
Well... okay. I saw him on the road the other night.
Oh man, this story can't end well at all.
I'm telling you, sir. It's against my fake religion to wear pants!
3rd one this week...

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-04-03
Thanks. It's no chicken joint, but it will do.
Nice job you have here.
Dan?!
Speaking of "joints", what ever happened to Dan?
I've never been this stoned!
Support the troops in Iraq!

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-04-03
Do you ever wonder about what the future may hold?
Only on Tuesdays.
Seriously, do you ever think about how kids will remember the things that may happen tomorrow?
What the hell are you getting at?
Thousands of years later...
And that's how Cyborg created the universe.
So the Playboy Mansion has been around since the beginning of time?

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-04-03
On Today's Episode...
Today on the show, we have one of our favorite GFAQs users, Pau Pau. Welcome.
Hello Chicken. I'm glad to be here.
So, you seem pretty popular at the site. Some, though, believe you are not really a girl. How do you respond to this?
I'll let them think what they want. I'm a girl and it's the truth...
Electrical surge...
Umm... well...
What? What's wrong? Why'd it get so cold?

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-04-03
Have you been to GFAQs lately?
Nah... I've grown tired of that dull site.
What for? It's trying to make a comeback, at least!
Yeah, but there's something that just always scares me...
At another house...
Beat Grind Radio is such an ass.
To mark.... or not to mark...

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-04-03
What's going on with sitcoms these days?
Nothing much, but I do enjoy me some "Will and Grace" every now and then.
My God...
What? What's wrong with that show?
"Will and Grace"
I'd kill you... but my feminine side tells me to take you home with me and use you to pick up guys.
The hell? Just swing the hammer... Make it quick!

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-04-03
You know.. I've always wanted new strips of "Calvin and Hobbes".
Same here. Too bad Bill Watterson is done with those.
I wonder where he is now...
We could always write him a letter about it.
Dear Mr. Watterson: Get your head out of your ass and gimme my "C & H" or we will kill you! Love, your biggest fans, Chicken and Goat
How'd they find me?

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-04-03
One question: GameCube or XBox?
Don't make me pick, man.
Why not? It's just a matter of preference.
Not to everyone...
An Example, Chicken..
GameCube has better first party games and it's made by Nintendo! Can't forget the handle!
XBox can transform into a hangglider and restore world order!

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-04-03
Did you notice that people do idiotic things every day?
I've noticed all too well.
We have people who treat their opinion as a fact, instructions on products that are not needed... maybe even bank robbers with nametags.
When did that last one happen?
Just earlier, Goat...
When the cops ask who did it, just tell em "Christopher Mansey" did it... oh crap...
Can you say... "screwed"? Huh? Can ya? Repeat after me...

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-05-03
You know... I've always wanted to travel.
Is that so?
See the world, learn new things...
Are you sure it's safe right now?
For one...
Um.. where the hell are we?
This is the site where 100 Americans have been killed... in about 5 minutes...

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-05-03
Guess who I messaged with the other day?
Rosie O'Donnell?
AHHHHHHHH! No... it was Rocky. You know, appears around the Social sometimes.
You mean... that guy... who swings... that way?
Across town...
I'm telling you I'm straight!
That's not what you said last night.

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-05-03
I just read this really bad comic earlier.
Bad how?
I got all the way through it just to find out it wasn't funny.
I hate when that happens.

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-05-03
I really hate when I'm watching a show and they shamelessly insert plugs for everyday products.
Like Ecko?
Or Nintendo?
You're worse than that new Linkin Park CD... in stores now.
I've got more skill than NBA Street Volume 2, dawg!

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-05-03
After all of these alcoholic deaths, I wish people would just stop drinking.
You gotta admit drunks are funny, Chicken.
Goat, none of that stuff is funny. I'll catch you later when you're serious.
But I am..
Right, Andy? Haha! Drive safe!
Have I ever told you how sexy you are, baby?!

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-05-03
Is there any way we can save this snowman?
I really don't think so.
Maybe I can nail his body parts back on..
Maybe I can knock yours off!
Beforehand...
What do you get when you put two idiots and crushed ice into a blender?
I don't know. What?

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-05-03
Can't wait.. can't wait.. can't wait...
Wait for what, Chicken?
The new Castlevania for GBA!
Oh, you mean...
Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow
Whoo... Whoo, I say!
Now how do I, Soma, kick undead ass and try to hide my flamboyant nature at once?! Will Mina go to the dance with me?! I hate you, Dad!

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-05-03
How long have we been here, Goat?
About three hours, Chicken.
I forgot... what are we doing here anyway?
You honestly don't remember?
About 3 hours before...
Aren't you that Bobcat guy? You were on CSI, weren't you? My god, you suck!

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-06-03
I've noticed a lot of celebrities who just suddenly disappeared.
Like who?
Have you heard a new song by Britney Spears? Have you seen Danny DeVito?
Actually.. you won't believe this.
In Hell...
Danny DeVito?
*sigh*

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-06-03
Who's sexy?
Oh yeah. Work it, baby. Work that freak-ay body!
Wh..?
I'm not asking anything. I'm just a talking chicken.

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-06-03
I hate all this superstition crap. It's not like it's real or anything.
Yeah. The neighbor's cat is black and nothing's wrong..
Holy s... I'm out!
Whoops! I gave MYSELF the faulty stool.. joke backfire!

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-06-03
Wow... this is a pretty bad accident.
Who's the guy in red?
I'm guessing he's a medic?
I'm guessing he's an overweight, lazy alcoholic.
...Is that all?
We buy used cars, dude!

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-06-03
What do you think of when someone mentions "Sierra Mist"?
Hmm...
Goat thinks...
Oh God! Oh God! OH GOD!!!
...
Yeah. It's kinda like that.

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-06-03
I didn't see that coming, Goat.
See what coming?
All the jokes! Tradition... Nick's stupid HICKTOWN reference..
Oh really... [Yeah, this way.]
Have you ever had that trouble, Go..?
Hello, Hicky McHickerson.

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-07-03
Based on what COULD have happened to me earlier...
What did I do wrong, officer?
You didn't pull over when I came by. That's what you ****ed up.
I didn't see your lights or hear your siren until you nearly sideswiped me!
I'm above you though.
I'm-a graze on your lawn and **** it up, you know that?
For a goat, you talk too much shit.

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-07-03
I bought Castlevania today! I'm so excited!
Cool, man. How is it?
...
You did play it, right?
Um.. I hugged the box for 3 hours and then came to tell you the good news.
I hope you never get a pet.

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-07-03
Something's wrong with this picture.
Can you find out what?
5 minutes later...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
That had to be the biggest waste of your life.
Holy shit! I nearly pissed my stool.

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-09-03
What's this? An unknown messager?
We know you like men. We know you like to stroke it.
What the hell? How do I respond to this?!?
We know you touch your little sister. We know you drop the soap.
On the other side...
Who the hell are you?!
Uh... how do I respond to this?!?

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-12-03
Imagine you're in the desert.
Alright...
Now picture being stuck with the ugliest, stupidest person you know.
Hmm...
10 seconds later...
Got it yet?
Pretty much.

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-14-03
So... the new Matrix comes out about now.
Yup.
Special effects galore.
Yup.
Wanna sneak back into the theater and catch the next showing?
You betcha.

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-14-03
Sorry kids. We're not prepared with our sketch.
Therefore, we'll show you this sneak preview of "Saving Silverman 2".
"Saving Silverman 2"
Holy shit, Silverman! Your ex-girlfriend is back and this time she wants to kill you and your wife!
Oh no! How could this have happened?
Yeah, this really sucks.
We sent her an e-mail of you naked and included the word "FUCK" 51 times!
I should have killed you in the first movie...

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-14-03
I feel so bad...
What happened?
While talking my afternoon walk, a young lady bent over to pick up some change she dropped and I made a crude comment. I'm getting help now though.
Ouch. At least you're getting help..
Ahem.. joke.
You're doing much better.
Yeah. Isn't that right, ho? BIOTCH!

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-15-03
Hello kids. Today, we're going to teach you about sex.
Sex is a thing two people... play... when they really love each other.
You know how Mom and Dad told you the stork brought you?
Yeah...
What they meant was that 2 months before their wedding night, they got freaky and you were an accident.
Wait... I didn't come from the stork?

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-19-03
So we're in the Matrix?
No... it's not real.
What do you mean? Are you an Agent? Should I drink Powerade?!
What I'm saying is that it was only a movie and the Matrix itself doesn't exist.
OMG.. WTF?!?
What the hell is this then?
Um... well... I'm going to kick you in the jaw REALLY hard and hope you don't remember a thing..

 

by BeatGrindRadio
5-19-03
We join our heroes in a peaceful valley.
Do you like corn?
Not really.
Now we join our heroes on a city sidewalk.
Why don't you like corn?
Well, I prefer a diet of leftovers from the garbage and corn just doesn't taste right at the point in time.
Now we join our heroes suspended in the air around some poorly drawn buildings!
What the hell is going on?
This brings me to reason #2 on why I don't eat week-old corn..

 

by BeatGrindRadio
9-11-03
Welcome Back!
Faithful viewers, rejoice! For we have returned!
Yeah, that was a long "vacation"...
I know you all missed me, the ringleader of this circus.
You've got AIDS.
That didn't take long...
The hell did you say? It's our first comic in months!
And I'm starting things off right.

 

by BeatGrindRadio
9-11-03
Thinking of September 11th...
It's the two year anniversity of you-know-what.
I hate thinking about this.
It's just a case of the "snobby kid getting kicked in the ass by the meanie".
And what a kick in the ass that was!
So, you want a burger?
You kidding me? I'm starving.

 

by BeatGrindRadio
9-11-03
What's with gangsta rap and putting down women?
"What's with gangsta rap?" would have been fine by itself.
Is it supposed to be art? It just seems ignorant and hateful.
Calling a woman a "trick" or a "hoe" isn't hateful.
Is it, slut?
Oh gosh, no way! I wouldn't know a hurtful hoe even if I was a farmer, honest!

 

by BeatGrindRadio
9-13-03
This is original.
So this mixture will us evict the demon from Phillip's body?
Just slip this into his drink and he will become drowsy and relaxed.
Well, kinda.
And then what?
Dim the lights. Compliment him on his dress. Play some Manilow.
Actually, it's a real Goats comic strip.
And then what?
Just do whatever comes naturally. You're a big boy, Jon. Haven't you talked to your parents about this?

 

by BeatGrindRadio
9-13-03
What do you get when you mix a red fish with a blue fish?
Um... what?
A gay purple fish!
You're an insensitive bastard.
These are not the views of the creator.
HAHA! Get it?
Wait... was that a gay or interracial bashing joke?

 

by BeatGrindRadio
3-20-04
So how long has it been?
About two days so far. I'm still hyped up on coffee.
They're still down there banging on the doors?
Oh, harder than ever.
What the hell is going on?!? We're gonna die!
Well, apparently there was supposed to have been a sale today.

 

by BeatGrindRadio
3-20-04
You know who I wouldn't mind hooking up with?
Dr. Phil?
Not yet. I'm talking about the Olsen Twins. I should call them up tonight.
They're not 18 until the summer.
3 seconds later...
I'm still calling them up! I'm a rebel! It's my turn, Saget!
Sweet statutory rape!

 

by BeatGrindRadio
3-20-04
Oh God! This plane's going down!
Just like in my dream.
What?! You knew this was coming.
Yup yup yup.
Death giggles.
So why the fuck are we up here?
I just wanted to see you die... PLUS I'll always just come back in the next strip.

 

by BeatGrindRadio
3-20-04
So you're here for the part of Chicken?
Uh huh, uh huh.
You think you can overanalyze everything and be a perverted ass?
Uh huh, uh huh.
Death giggles.
Is there any PARTICULAR reason why you brought a chainsaw with you...?
Uh huh, uh huh...

 

by BeatGrindRadio
3-28-04
I met this hot rich chick at the deli earlier.
Are you drunk right now?
Not this time! We hit it off. She was rubbing my breasts and everything.
I'm not even going to ask for details.
She said she just wanted to take me home and stuff me.
Oh yeah, baby. Go for it. I wonder if I can hold a comic on my own again...

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