people Deedee is following

kaufman, Loomis, wirthling


latest comics from people Deedee is following

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by kaufman
1-22-19
Spock! I just heard this contest is going to be decided by a random number generator! I need to know a lucky number so we can win.
Captain, with all due respect, it is illogical to think of numbers as lucky. Besides, I am quite busy right now. Dr. McCoy asked me to improve a Christmas song.
Well, is there a number in that song I can use or something?
Very well, Captain. The number is 5,878,625,373,183.6
Five trillion, eight hundred what? What the hell carol is that from?
On the 5,878,625,373,183.6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 5,878,625,373,183.6 miles in a light year, 5,878,...

by kaufman
9-24-18
I told you to mop the mess hall. What do you think you're doing? ----------------------- I'm only sleeping.
*sigh*
That's the seventh comic in this Beatle Bailey collection that had that exact punch line.

by kaufman
9-07-18
Did you hear? The news reported this afternoon that Tom Jones died.
Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear that. I always thought he was so hot.
Me too. He always put so much into his singing.
By the way, do you know if he's going to be cremated?
I have no idea. Why?
Well, I have to know whether to bury my underwear or burn it.

by kaufman
8-17-18
Oh good, Rodney Dangerfield's coming on.
It's nice having a lot of money. I went out and bought a jukebox last month.
I tell you, it works great. Unless I request an Aretha Franklin song, that is. Then it plays nothing and eats my quarter.
I tell you, I don't get no Respect.

by kaufman
7-25-18
Yesterday
Last week I got the best job in the world! I'm a short order cook.
Best job in the world? What's so good about it?
I don't have to do anything! I just sit around all day and get paid for it.
Today
Hey, you look beat. How's work?
Awful. You know that remake of The Wizard of Oz they're making in town? A hundred ****ing munchkins came into our place to eat today.

by kaufman
7-07-18
Captain, I spy a ship over there that may be ripe for capture. What would you like to do?
We board the ship, take it over, and to let them know we ain't kidding, we make one of them walk the plank. They can draw straws to see who goes.
Draw straws? With all due respect, captain, you can't do that!
I can't? Arrrrrrr! And just why, pray tell, CAN'T I make them draw straws?
'Cause the straws are made of durable plastic compounds that don't degrade, so they'll just sit at the bottom of the sea killing off all the fishes and things.
Hello, McFly, anybody home? I'm sending some fat rich dude to Davy Jones' Locker, and you're worried about a couple of drinking straws?

by kaufman
6-21-18
Let me tell you, son, your mama so fat, she ...
Damn.

If nobody else submits, this will win me the right to host CC 695.
What's cool about 695 is that it was the year that Clovis IV, King of the Franks died. He was embalmed in mustard and relish.
by kaufman, 6-05-18

by kaufman
5-18-18
Hello, I'm the Invisible Man, doing a public service announcement on the effects of Viagra.
Ok, let me pop a few of these pills and we'll see if anything happens.
I don't think it's working ... wait a minute,... Ooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

by kaufman
5-13-18
Ok, we've done your ultrasound, and once I take a look at it, you and your husband will know if you're having a boy or a girl.
So what happens now?
He says in a moment the lighting in this room will change. Blue if it's a boy and pink if it's a girl. I'm so excited, I can't wait!
What the? What's going on? DOCTOR, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
STILLBORN!

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