people EvilZak is following

AccentuateNegative, BigEvilDan, boinky33, boorite, burt_reynolds, Choobychooby, dcomposed, DMSO, evil_d, Externalization, gabe_billings, Inflatable_Man, JESUSSANDWICH, KajunFirefly, kaufman, kramer_vs_kramer, maxawa, mmyers, niteowl, ObiJo, retard, TheGovernor, thochaos, TimmyThePervert, wirthling

latest comics from people EvilZak is following

by evil_d
Companies getting their hands on my Facebook data and using it for nefarious purposes is the sort of thing I used to worry a lot about.
That was back when I had the sense to be ashamed of my personal data. Now my attitude is, if somebody sees my info, that's their problem.
Sir, we have data saying that 53-year-old meth-smoking horse-incest-porn enthusiasts from Terre Haute are overwhelmingly likely to vote Republican.
Do we have an algorithm that can make me forget I ever heard that?

by evil_d
I used to worry about fossil fuels and emissions and all that crap.
Then I realized—**** it. The planet's dying, we're dying. Only thing I get to choose is whether I go out behind the wheel of a Mustang or a Prius.
You don't have to die behind the wheel of a car at all!
Whaddaya think, was that bump just now a squirrel or a hobo?

by evil_d
Got any spare change?
No, but here's a lottery ticket. Hope you get lucky.
Wow, I won! Thanks mister!
Holy cow!
The next week:
Wait, what happened?
Invested it all in Bitcoin.

by evil_d
A judge has ruled that a woman who won $560 million in the New Hampshire lottery will not have to reveal her identity in order to collect her winnings.
The judge dismissed state officials' argument that publicizing winners' names is necessary to prove that the lottery is fair and has not been corrupted.
Good work, Ivanka. How many Facebook ads will that buy us?
Depends. Do we want to spring for ones that aren't obviously bull****?

by evil_d
After I won the lottery, all of my family members wanted me to give them handouts, like to fix their broken-down cars. I had plenty of money so I said sure.
Then I ran out of family members but I still had money. So I started finding strangers and paying to fix their cars.
Then I realized, I'm so rich I don't have to work anymore. Why should I pay someone else to fix people's cars?
So wait, you won the lottery and then started working as a mechanic?

by evil_d
Hi, I won the genetic lottery this week, here's my ticket.
Ah, yes, just a moment....
Thanks! Wanna go out sometime?
I don't know; have you also won the personality lottery?

by evil_d
Cherry... cherry... cherry!!
I won!
You can take this job and shove it, boss!
This isn't a scratch-off lottery ticket. It's a sheet of scratch-and-sniff stickers.

by evil_d
I'll start with the Karen Noodle Soup, and for an entree, I'd like the Leg of Liam.
Very good, sir.
Everything was delicious, chef. What's your secret?
I put a little piece of myself into every meal.

by evil_d
I'm here with Maia Shibutani, one of ice dancing's famous "Shib Sibs", to ask the question other interviewers are only willing to hint at: you guys are totally ****ing, right? C'mon, be honest now.
We're brother and sister, so... no.
I'm just saying, you ice dancers touch each other in places I'd never touch someone if I wasn't ****ing them.
Your doctor touches you in some pretty intimate places. Are you ****ing your doctor?
I tried to... now he won't even give me an appointment.

by kaufman
I love coming to your parties. I don't know where you get the food you serve, Donner, but it's always fantastic.

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