people EvilZak is following

AccentuateNegative, BigEvilDan, boinky33, boorite, burt_reynolds, Choobychooby, dcomposed, DMSO, evil_d, Externalization, gabe_billings, Inflatable_Man, JESUSSANDWICH, KajunFirefly, kaufman, kramer_vs_kramer, maxawa, mmyers, niteowl, ObiJo, retard, TheGovernor, thochaos, TimmyThePervert, wirthling


latest comics from people EvilZak is following

by evil_d
8-26-15
I'm gonna kill you so hard the folks back in Philadelphia will scream!
I'm gonna kill you so hard there won't be anything left for the vultures!
I'm gonna kill you so hard your grandma will feel it!
I'm gonna kill you so hard your great-great-grandchildren will still be bitter about it!
It's about heritage, not hate!

It's raining! Luckily I have my huge umbrella to hand.
STOP RIGHT THERE! That is a businessman sized umbrella and I have reason to suspect you of not being a businessman.
I am a businessman, I run a nationwide chain of organic smoothie shops.
Oh, I'm very sorry sir. I thought you might have stolen that businessman-sized umbrella.
I did, I stole it from Donald Trump.
I didn't see anything. Have a nice day, sir.

I am a homeless man. I do not have an umbrella which puts me at risk of pneumonia when I sleep outside in the rain.
If only you were a businessman like me, then you could have a businessman sized umbrella.
Perhaps you could give me your umbrella? I am so very cold.
Not a chance. You're not a businessman and therefore not entitled to this size of umbrella. At the best you might be allowed a normal person sized umbrella.
Is there a special size of umbrella for us homeless folk?
Yes, have you ever seen the paper ones that come in ****tails?

I am an important businessman. The size of my umbrella represents how important I am. It is big enough to fit a barbershop quartet underneath.
I am the CEO of a Fortune 500 corporation. Instead of an umbrella, I have four employees carry a gazebo while I walk.
I see normal people on the streets with their normal sized umbrellas. They are not important like me. They do not deserve to stay completely dry.
When I open my CEO umbrella, people mistake it for a solar eclipse.
I spend so long under my businessman sized umbrella that I have developed a major vitamin D deficiency.
My CEO umbrella is so heavy I dislocated my right shoulder and had to have the whole arm amputated.

by evil_d
8-20-15
Morning, Bill. Heard you had a pretty wild weekend!
Got drunk, went to TJ, got a list of my favorite coworkers' names tattooed on my arm.
I don't see anything on your arm.
Damn right you don't. Peace out, sucka!

by evil_d
8-19-15
Man, I haven't had sex in twenty-three years.
Uh... how old are you?
Twenty-three.
So you're a virgin. Just say you're a virgin.
I'm trying to open up to you about my childhood sexual abuse, dude.

Well, it's almost time. One last round stands between you and ultimate Comic Cup power.
That's right, Bob. I can almost taste the victory.
One more win, and you get the power to host the next Comic Cup.
Hang on - if I win I have to organise another of these things?

And on the eve of your entry in the Comic Cup I have to ask, is there a Mrs Kramer?
I'm afraid not. I've been so busy training for the Cup I've had no time for relationships.
But in many ways it's like I'm married to some of my comics.
They looked good in 2001 but now I'm embarrassed to be associated with them.

And is it true you've also tried your hand at stand up comedy?
That's correct. My "hilarious" Stripcreator comedy skills didn't translate so well to the stage though.
Chaos ensued at a comedy club in Glasgow last night, as a young comedian called "Kramer vs Kramer" went on a desperate and unfunny rampage.
The night took an unpleasant turn when the comedian took to the stage in red facepaint and violently sodomised an elderly man who was sitting in the front row.
Realising his act was not going well he then dragged two young female exchange students from Singapore onto the stage in his place and ran out a fire escape.
When questioned by the police he responded "Ha, ha! What the **** are you talking about?"

Tell me about that day in 2001 when you discovered Stripcreator.
I was killing time in the university library. I had just finished my final exams.
Well, that's university finished. I've got my whole adult life ahead of me. Time to go out into the big bad world and be a grown up, mature and respectable member of society.
Or I could stay in and make seven hundred comics about sexually assaulting donkeys.

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