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latest comics from people Externalization is following

My hotel in Italy comped me a full body massage.
From a man or woman?
Short, round, hairy Italian dude.
How did you keep from getting a boner?
I closed my eyes and pictured a short, round, hairy Italian dude.

by kaufman
........ 1) Give them a good meal before
having your way with them.
2) Don't skimp on the foreplay!

by kaufman
Y'know, Dave, you'll probably do a lot better if you hit the ball with an actual golf club, instead of that guitar.
You're missing the point, Bob. It's so beautiful here in Tehran, I want to be out on the course all day. If I shoot 500, so what?
Ok, whatever you s... hey, where'd you go?
Mr. President! I just heard another tanker was lost in the Persian Golf.
Great. I'll go on Twitter and blame it on immigrants.

by kaufman
Want some candy?
What do you think?
Ewwwwwww! This tastes like monkey brains!
Well, of course it does. These are Rhesus Pieces.

by evil_d
In the Book of Jayden, chapter 3, it says that in Hell, the demons make you do something called "flog" with your fellow tormented souls.
"Flog"? Well that sounds right up my alley. I guess I can safely continue in my wicked ways, then.
But eventually:
"Flog"? I think your pastor was dyslexic. Here we make you play golf.
OH GOD, WHY??????

by UnknownEric
Doc put my nuts in a box
I like to eat socks
I'll go 1-8-7 on a mutha****in' fox

by squidrabies
It's been a while, huh?
I heard you stabbed a nun.
I heard you were a nosy *****.

GOOD NEWS! We've discovered a cure for HIV in mice!
Do you know what this means?
I don't have to worry anymore about you making Larry ass **** me bareback in front of all the lab technicians?
Right! You'll get to enjoy it now!

by kaufman
In other news, auto executive Lee Iacocca has died at age 94.
Iacocca is credited with bringing Chrysler back from the brink during the 1980s.
His family released a short statement: "If you can find a better corpse, bury it."

by kaufman
Do you have any fours?
Go Fish!

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