All comics by Funkidelic

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by Funkidelic
6-14-02
Gonna get laid... Gonna get laid...
FIVE DOLLA! SUCKY SUCKY!
Yikes! Not today... not today...
???
ME SO HORNY!

 

by Funkidelic
6-14-02
Is this heaven?
Yup.
Are you God?
Yup.
...You're a finger puppet.
Yup.

 

by Funkidelic
6-14-02
God catches the latest episode of South Park.
Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
HAHAHAHAHA!
You Bastards!!!
TEEHEEHEEHEE!
My God! My God! Why have you forsaken me?
What the hell? Change the channel back!

 

by Funkidelic
6-14-02
I have faith that God will show himself to me, but I have yet to see it...
If you have faith that God will show himself to you doesnt that mean that you have faith that he exists.
I do believe a God exists, but I believe that there is a possibility that more than one or no God could exist at all. Belief is not proof.
Now wait a minute......and you tell me I make no sense.
Uh...I made sense--I believe a God exists, matter is evidence to me of that, however which God, I don't know, and nothing has been shown to me to give me a spin in the "right" direction.
Or if you want I can hit you with my car in the hopes that you see a white light.

 

by Funkidelic
6-14-02
This is the story of how Brad Pitt learned that he fucked a squirrel.
Look squirrel! I'm Brad Pitt so I deserve that parachute!
*chirps*
Really? Is that so. Huh...
How was I supposed to know she was a squirrel?

 

by Funkidelic
6-14-02
This is my first time ever leaving the house.
Why don't girls like me?
I came all the way out here for this?
Why don't girl just come up to me and ask for sexual favors?
Porn never takes "no" for an answer...
Are you going in there to get me a girl?

 

by Funkidelic
6-14-02
Oscar Night 2004
And the Oscar for Best Picture goes to...'SERIOUSLY DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAR'???!!!

 

by Funkidelic
6-14-02
Jesus' Crucifixion: Take One, Scene One
$500...littering...
Jesus' Crucifixion: Take One, Scene Two
That's my boy!
Jesus' Crucifixion: Take One, Scene Three
Hey Jesus, how's it hangin'?

 

by Funkidelic
6-14-02
God is out of sugar! What will he do?
Hey Satan! Can I borrow another cup of sugar?
Sure thing, GOD!
That's sugar in Satan's hand...
Finally! We learn the real reason for the Dark Prince's betrayal!
Wait a minute...This is cocaine! Not again! Satan, will you ever learn?
Well, I wanted the form of a finger puppet, but you beat me to it...

 

by Funkidelic
6-14-02
Sometime next Tuesday...
Hmm...I wonder what would happen if I cloned myself...
Wow! Now there are TWO Gods!
Now Catholic dogma is all screwed up...
Should we tell the people?
Fuck no! We didn't tell them that every aspect of sex is perfectly moral, did we?

 

by Funkidelic
6-14-02
God pops the question...
Funk, I'm going to give you anything you want. Just ask and it's yours.
OK, I want the gift of wisdom.
Busted!
Hey! You copied that answer from Solomon!
D'oh!
Mmmm, syrupy...
Well, do I still get the riches and land and everything?
No, the best I can offer you now is a lifetime coupon for the Waffle House...

 

by Funkidelic
6-14-02
On a clear and deadly night...
OK, good, you made it.
Yes, I sure did.
Here's the plan: When the President comes out, we jump him. Got it?
Yes. But there's one problem.
What's that?
I'm the President.

 

by Funkidelic
6-16-02
Sometime before Christmas...
Hey! You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen? Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen?
Uh, yeah?
I just saw them having a reindeer orgy behind Santa's workshop.
Oh, really? Anything interesting?
Well, all I can say is that each reindeer lives up to his name.
Oh yeah? Well, then I think I need to go have a word with Comet...

 

by Funkidelic
6-16-02
I'm a lesbian.
So am I.
How so?
Well, I like girls don't I? Let's screw!
Well, then, I think I'm straight after all.
So am I. Let's fuck!

 

by Funkidelic
6-16-02
Shit! This place is a mess! I think I'd better clean up a little...
There, that was easy... Wait, is it Sunday? Fuck! I broke the third commandment! Oh, um, hi Satan! What brings you here?
MWAHAHAHA! You fucked up this time, God! Now you need to hand Australia over to me! HAHAHAHA!

 

by Funkidelic
6-16-02
Satan Lays Waste To Sydney...
MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Take that, Sydney Opera House!
Wow, Satan, I'm impressed. I thought that if I gave you Australia that you would lay the place to waste...
What do you mean? I dismantled the whole country!
Huh? You did? I can't even tell the difference...

 

by Funkidelic
6-16-02
Behold, a tender mother and son moment...
Hey Funk, you devilishly handsome son of mine. You got something left in you for me?
You bet, ma! Now let me touch that hot butt of yours!
Oh ho ho ho ho!
YEEEEHAAAAW!
God, that was great. You can smoke me if you like.
I thought I just did?

 

by Funkidelic
6-16-02
Somewhere in Michigan...
I like Jonathon Davis!
Well, I like Jeremy Davies!
Who the hell is Jeremy Davies?
He's not Jonathon Davis, that's for sure!
Oh, I like Jonathon Davis.
I wonder if Jonathon Davis and Jeremy Davies would fuck each other for a million dollars?

 

by Funkidelic
6-16-02
Funk, I've got problems. Everyone has me stabbing things in their comics. Don't they realize that I'm more than a one-bit gag?
How do you know that I won't have you stabbing things in my comic?
....you wouldn't.
You can't see it, but there is a knife in your left hand.
ARGGGGHHH!!!
And with that, the stabbings may commence.

 

by Funkidelic
6-16-02
Kire is responsible for getting Funk addicted to strip creating. Let's watch the confrontation between the two...
Hi Kire.
Hey Funk.
You fucked me hard this time.
I sure did.
For every comic that I make, your balls will get smaller and smaller.
I have balls?

 

by Funkidelic
6-16-02
Floating Head Man uses his Floating Head Powers to call forth Funk!
ZAP! HAHAHAHA! I, Floating Head Man will summon Funk and make him bleed various liquids!
VERY AMUSING! I like your style! Would you like to be King of a Class M Planet?
What?
Oh, hold on. You don't happen to have the time, do you?
.....No.

 

by Funkidelic
6-17-02
He's not my type...
Translated: He doesn't seem like the type that will provide the spousal abuse I so obviously want.
Mmmm....he's cute.
Translated: He's the perfect candidate for the "fuck 'em and chuck 'em" club.
Ugh, what a geek!
Translated: He's the perfect guy for me, but my low self-esteem forces me to date jerky assholes instead.

 

by Funkidelic
6-18-02
Funk confronts his PC about ruining his last comic...
PC, this is it! You ruined my last comic by letting your enter button get in my way!
*bleep*
Fuck you! I run my fingers over your buttons all day and night and this is how you repay me?!
*shuts down*
NO! WAIT! I'm nothing without you! Please, turn back on! AHHHH!!!!
It is truly great to be a PC, the last of the great slaveholders...

 

by Funkidelic
6-18-02
Hey Funk, you want a Taco Bisquit?
No thanks, I already had one.
Oh, OK. Thanks for being honest.
Damnit! When will I learn that Taco Bisquits take priority over the truth!!!

 

by Funkidelic
6-18-02
Yep. I'm putting a monopoly on my comics. I will be starring in each in everyone because I rule.
I'm such a fucking handsome stud. Girls pass out whenever they see my gargantuan beefstick.

 

by Funkidelic
6-18-02
Sortly after getting stopped and asked for change, Funk puts the moves on this unsuspecting innocent...
Touch my beefstick first.
What?
Touch my GODDAMN beefstick!
Sorry, I don't go in for that sort of thing.
Thing? Thing?! Ma'am, I'll let you know right now that my member is a person. A supreme being with a head unlike no other!
This is the last time I stop someone to ask for change...

 

by Funkidelic
6-18-02
God takes matter into his own hands...
Funk, I'm taking over your comics and using them to spread my word.
Legs are better for spreadin'.
Funk, you're pathetic. Do you know why I created you?
Someone has to have the largest penis in the world. Guess I just got lucky.
Fine. I'm taking your penis back and giving it to a Japanese man.
NOOOO! Like Mt. Versuvius, my penis will lie dormant, never to erupt again...

 

by Funkidelic
6-18-02
God demands satisfaction!
WORSHIP ME, MY CREATION, FOR I AM YOUR GOD!
?????
*chirps*
When the hell did I make those things?

 

by Funkidelic
6-18-02
Out of nowhere...
LOCK... THE... BUMP... TOPIC!!!!!
What the hell is 'the bump topic'.
I...don't...know...
That... was weird.
I think we are dealing with a power that is above us, Son.
I'm scared, Dad...

 

by Funkidelic
6-19-02
I want what you have.
But you can't have it.
What if I kill you and then take what you have.
I will cling onto my possession even in my death.
Will you wait here while I go get a gun and a crowbar?
Take as much time as you need.

 

by Funkidelic
6-19-02
When I was little, I thought people that died in movies were really dead.
Uh-huh...
Also, I thought that movies that were released 'in theaters only' would never be released on video.
Yep...
I used to be a dumbass.
Agreed.

 

by Funkidelic
6-19-02
I'm quite proud of myself. I've been a prostitute for fifteen years, and yet I'm still a virgin.
Sorry, but contrary to popular belief, pretending to have sex is still sex.
Oh, no. You don't understand: I have a wormhole in my pussy.
WHAT?!
Yep. My vagina is completely untouched by man. However, about one trillion sperms are now floating aimlessly through space.
Hmmm, I think the ending of '2001: A Space Odyssey' suddenly makes sense...

 

by Funkidelic
6-20-02
Jesus takes the stage...
Why did the Samaritan cross the road?
Oh! I know! To help that crippled injured man!
Hell no! There was only one good Samaritan, and this guy ain't him. This Samaritan crossed the road to rape a woman.
Jesus, that's not very funny.
...the woman was really a guy?
Still not funny.

 

by Funkidelic
6-20-02
On a dark and lonely night...
Hey! Have you ever heard of pheromones before?
Of course. They're those chemicals our bodies naturally release to attract the opposite sex.
Exactly. Which leads to me to wonder: why do we cover them up by wearing deodorant and perfume and shit?
Hmmm, I don't know. Does seem kinda stupid now that you mention it.
It is. So from now on, I'm not gonna bathe or wear deodorant and let the opposite sex throw themselves on my natural stench.
.....you will call me when your plan fails, right? Don't come over, just call.

 

by Funkidelic
6-20-02
On a day not unlike today...
Hahaha! Son, I found the funniest thing on the Internet: a debate forum at this place called the "RPG Maker Pavilion"!
Really? What's it like?
Well, everyone there has his or her own different opinion on my existence, but NOT ONE of them believes I'm a finger puppet!
Holy Moses!
Yeah, Moses didn't believe it either! That's why I'm known as "I am". He deliberately left off the "a finger puppet" part!
And he still wonders why he couldn't enter the Promised Land...

 

by Funkidelic
7-01-02
Humanity!
God!
I refuse to believe in a God that would allow us to suffer for all eternity!
I refuse to believe in a species that would give an Oscar to Russell Crowe!
Damn. I have been trumped.
Let's do my cat.

 

by Funkidelic
7-01-02
The morning after the fall of Man...
.....
.....
.....
.....
Good morning, honey!
Post proof or shut the fuck up, bitch...

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