people Hans_Gruber is following

burt_reynolds


latest comics from people Hans_Gruber is following

by burt_reynolds
8-26-05
Hi there, I'm a dog on a ball! What are you?
I'm a puppet with a hand up my ass!
Much like the students in liberal communities that deny the teachings of the lord to worship at the craven altar of evolution?
Me so stupid and pagan!
I 'll see you in hell, you ivory tower homosexual.
Yeah, you probably will.

by burt_reynolds
8-26-05
Hi there, I'm a dog on a ball! What are you?
I'm a puppet on a string!
In that case, where's your turban?
Snap! You fundamentalists are so clever!

by burt_reynolds
1-16-04
Can I help you, Mr. Mayor?
Call me Hap, Officer DuBois. We've been getting calls from parents about you being a bit gruff with the neighborhood kids.
So you're saying I'm a loose cannon? That I'm out of control? Well, I'll tell you what's out of control: the whole goddamn system!
No, nothing like that officer, just watch the language in front of the teens. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for the Apple Blossom festival.
Something stinks around here, and it obviously starts all the way to the top.

by burt_reynolds
1-16-04
Hey, Tony Hawk, we've gotten some complaints about you kids skateboarding around, scaring the old people. I'm going to have to ask you to cease and desist.
I'm really sorry, sir. We'll stop.
Skate or die? Not on my watch, bucko.
C'mon guys, we should really go home and help out our parents with dinner.
Fucking kids. First they leave skidmarks in the parking lots, then they make me leave skidmarks in my pants.

by burt_reynolds
1-16-04
Hey kids, I'm really going to have to ask you to not hang out in front of the mini mart. We've gotten some phone calls.
No problem officer. We didn't mean to be a disturbance.
That's it. Just walk away, Harry Potter. Don't give me a reason to unholster my weapon.
Harry Potter?
That was such a close one, I threw up in my mouth. Just a bit.

by burt_reynolds
1-16-04
Hello, Angry Baby, why haven't you returned my phone calls? Don't you miss me?
Yes, I have missed you, Newport Light Menthol cigarette, but my life is better without you.
Don't say that, after all the good times we've had. Singing karaoke with those *****s on New Years, doing coke with Nicky Hilton, three-ways with the Bush twins...
Stop it, talking cigarette man. Those times are over. Now I have to wear a diaper made out of nicotene patches.
How's that working out?
Every time I pee, my dink takes a nice trip to flavor country.

by burt_reynolds
1-16-04
RING
Coming!
This is Angry Baby. I am probably having my diaper changed or taking a nap. Either way, please be so kind as to leave a message. BEEP
Damn, too late.
Hey, Angry Baby, it's Jonathan Lipnicki from Jerry Maguire. Just wanted to know if you wanted to hang out at the playground, pick up some chicks. Call me back.
Some people can't take a hint, and that makes Angry Baby so angry!

by burt_reynolds
12-19-03
Family Circuz by BILLY!
Jeffy, that's not what I meant when I said it was "Hammer Time!"
Family Circuz by BILLY!
Why are you waiting for your parents on the back porch, Billy?
Because my dad says he likes to take my mom in the rear when he comes home!
Family Circuz by BILLY!
Hi, daddy? Did you know the mailman drops off mail three times a day?

by burt_reynolds
12-19-03
I hear you have another problem with one of my "vacation" cartoons.
Well, I just wanted to clear something up...
Family Circuz by BILLY!
Let us go to the PUBIC library, kidz!
Hoo-ray for daddy!
Yeah?
Well, I didn't mispeak. Did you or didn't you see a collection of short curlies?

by burt_reynolds
12-19-03
Billy, I can't believe you drew a comic during my "vacation" whereupon I hit your sister.
But that really happened, just like the time Jeffy shared his ice cream with Barfy. "Slices of life," right dad?
True, but the caption? "Next time I won't take off my rings, *****"?
You obviously didn't inherit your father's gift for wordplay...
Instead I got his alcoholism.

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