people Intoxicatious is following

christopher7murphy, HCRoyall, Injokester, ivytheplant, LuckyGuess, Nicholas_R, Tab, themushroom

latest comics from people Intoxicatious is following

by themushroom
Hey John!
What, John?
Why are we separated by two walls and a lockable door around another toilet?
Maybe the middle John is shy?
Or the artist was an idiot.
Stall, stall will tear us apart... again.

by themushroom
Target Greeter Girl has just had her yearly review. A congratulations from the fifth manager she's had, another 27¢ raise, the same old topics as last year under "room for improvement".
"needs to smile more" - More like, needs to get laid at lunch break more. Cause and effect.
She likes her low-effort job and it pays her bills, but she knows she could be making better money if she moved from greeter to being in a department.
"can show more kindness and empathy" - But I can't do that for people who come in at 10:45pm!
But she likes what she does. She gives the appearance of loss prevention (while doing nothing, by store rules) and mentally undresses the hundreds of people who walk in daily.
That was fun. Now to go silently judge everyone for another year.

by themushroom
Modern technology has brought new and exciting ways to meet people. You may find yourself seeking love interests online! The Internet is a huge pool full of people of all sorts.
Thanks for saying I'm a goddess, but I am not going to talk dirty with you.
Leper *****. You probably suck off dead mules.
Unfortunately, people do not act the same online as they do in person. Men can be sweet one moment, cruel the next, when they don't get their way.
Thanks for saying I make you hard, but I am not interested in sex with you.
You must be a dyke. You don't deserve my ****.
Do not take this personally. Most of the "women" who engage them first online are porn 'bots, therefore they think real women will pretend to want to see their tiny *****es too.
I am flattered you want to see my breasts but I don't know you yet.
Would Xbox Live or Amazon giftcards convince you to bare 'em and share 'em already?

by HCRoyall
Greetings, Earthling! I have come from the pla-
Get me the **** outta here before the Russians make it worse, dude! I don't care how many anal probes you have to do!
What is a "Russian?"
They're these awful people who suppress free speech, oppose democracy, and sabotage governments who speak against them! And that's when they aren't being violent!
So this destruction was caused by these Russians?!
What? Naw, man, this is just Detroit.

by HCRoyall
Since the last time I posted here, I've had a new daughter born, had a short story published in an anthology, and seen the release of my own novel.
I also went back to working nights, which has left me time to binge watch series I've had on my list for ages, like Star Trek: Enterprise.
It's been a long road, getting from there to here.

by HCRoyall
So you see, Hillary and Obama conspired with Russia to get Trump elected!
It was an elaborate plot to get Trump elected and then impeached to embarrass Republicans!
Get off my property before I call the police.
Fair enough.

by ivytheplant
Welcome to the Great Library of Askendore. Here you may ask questions that will help you on your quest.
I roll to eat some books so I can gain knowledge through osmosis.
I roll to loot the rare book room.
Guys, you're supposed to ask the library a question.
I roll to ask the library if I can eat some books for gaining knowledge through osmosis.
I roll to ask the library to look over there for a minute.
The Great Library of Askendore is revoking your library cards.
I roll to eat my library card.
I roll to steal the DM's book.

by Injokester
No madam, **** used to be the correct term, it only became vulgar because of Grope**** Lane, a humourous street in London's red-light district.
It was the association with prostitutes that made it vulgar. Vagina on the other hand is Latin for "sword-sheath".
Mr President, you still haven't explained why you've been ****ting in them.
The PR people only said I can't **** on women anymore.
Fucking suitwits, I hear you.

by Injokester
We will build the wall out of aluminum.
Which I'm told is next to Magnesum on the perodic table of the elments.
See, I told you I'm not the only idiot in this country.

by ivytheplant
Okay, are you guys ready to begin?
I roll to begin our quest!
Oh FFS Jeremy, not this again.
Your roll failed, you run into the wall.
I can do this Brandon, let me try again. I roll to open the door.
Give it up, Jeremy.
Your roll failed. You break your leg on the doorknob.
I roll to crawl out the window.
I can't believe I gave up movie night for this.

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