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by TheGovernor
Greetings, My name is Jonathan Frakes. I'll be your new press secretary
Some of you may remember me from Star Trek the next generation where I played 'Number One'
In this administration however, as I will be dealing with all the spurious **** coming from the POTUS I am officially 'Number Two'

somehow i managed to escape that hellhole! i wouldn't believe it were i not here! now i just need to make it home in time to prevent a crime too... too... *choke* too RIBALD for words!
hey mac, did i hear you say you're planning a jewel heist?
er, no, i'm afraid you're mistaken! right now the only thing on my mind is going home to my wife!
i've got a crew ready to go. if you're in, do or say anything and i will find a way to misconstrue it as assent.
wow, what impenetrable silence. i can see you're already fully in stealth mode. reading you loud and clear, pal. we ride at midnight.

holy ****, we have a pool, too? er, i mean, of course we do. fantastic, simply fantastic.
it is, isn't it? it's so easy to forget to appreciate the things we have. i'm bad about it, myself. i love how even after all these years of marriage, we're still learning from each other. hee hee!
it's true, raindrop. i really have been blessed. fortune has smiled upon me. not like that brother of mine, lluks. life's been so hard for him. but what do i care, huh? i was mom's favorite anyway.
yep, i'm sure old lluks would love to have a place like this and a babe like you. i'm sure seeing all this would make him incredibly angry. perhaps even angry enough to kill? i wonder. i wonder.
indeed! what an interesting hypothetical! i enjoy these sorts of abstract thought experiments!

gosh! i've got to get out of here and stop my evil twin brother from having... having... *choke* a DALLIANCE with my wife! if only i could loosen these bars!
hey buddy, did i hear you right? you want outta here?
why yes i do, good sir! say, do you like jokes? a rabbi, a mexican and a chiropractor walk into a bar-
me and some of my boys are planning a breakout. tonight at twelve. if you're in, bend over in the shower tonight, present your rectum to all gathered parties, and say 'come and get it fellas'
does that have to be the signal?
we need to be sure.

i'm telling you, lluks is a madman! a complete psychopath! he's the one who should be in here, this is all a misunderstanding! worst of all, he has... *choke* designs on my wife!
yeah yeah, listen bucko, i've heard it all before. half the guys in this cell block are mistaken for their evil twin.
wow. a disturbingly high number. and if you consider the fact that many men are too ashamed to come forward and report it, the actual numbers are likely much higher.
current estimates suggest that as many as eighty percent are mistaken for their evil twin
how can we fix this?
society is the thing that breeds these monsters. how do you fix society?

hold on to your bent line, raindrop, because this next joke is a real doozy! what is a minister's favorite movie?
good question! what, pray tell, is it?
impossible question to answer! taste in cinema actually varies from minister to minister!
wow! i thought a punchline was coming but it didn't!
now then, raindrop, woman who i, the real skull, am married to, let us go have married sex in the house that you and i both own together
tee-hee! my, my, skull! you're not usually so forward! and never in such an overly specific manner! yes, let us depart!

it doesn't end there! i've got another paragon of a pleasantry for you, raindrop my sweet!
oh goody! i can't wait!
why did the sloth count to twenty?
as always, i await the answer with attention most rapt!
am i gonna have to get the hose again, inmate 225?

well hey there raindrop! sure is great to be back on the air after such an extensive hiatus, is it not?
it not not is, skull! got any jokes for me?
does a bear **** in the woods?
i dunno, skull! DOES a bear **** in the woods?
he "wood" if he could!
hah! you sure hit it out of the park with that one, skull my love!

by TheGovernor
Greetings Comrade
Who the hell are you?
I am Russian Chicken
And what are you doing in my bed?
I have, how you say...'Come home to roost'

by TheGovernor
Sorry old bean, I know we're stuck in a lift but I really need to take a Trump
An English Trump or an American Trump?
Well in England Trump is a somewhat quaint northern expression for passing wind
While in America Trump now means that at the moment of feeling a wet fart coming you drop your pants, pull your anus apart and projectile fire liquid feces in all directions
In that case a little of column A, little of column B

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