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latest comics from people NeoVid is following

by kaufman
7-03-19
In other news, auto executive Lee Iacocca has died at age 94.
Iacocca is credited with bringing Chrysler back from the brink during the 1980s.
His family released a short statement: "If you can find a better corpse, bury it."

by kaufman
6-10-19
Do you have any fours?
Go Fish!

by evil_d
5-15-19
Tee hee! I said something you're not supposed to say! Are you going to ban me?
I've never banned anyone for being offensive before. Why would I start now?
But don't you wish you could?
"Could"? I already can. I just don't.
What's a guy gotta do to get a spanking around here?

by evil_d
4-01-19
That teacup ride really tuckered me out, so I'd like to rent Cinderella's Castle for the night.
Uh... we do have a guest room in there, but we usually reserve it for special cases, like Make-A-Wish kids.
They'll be happy to make room for their president, if they're Americans, and if they're not, deport them. And send Cinderella up. Tell her I pay $130,000 a night.
How can any place that doesn't let rich people do whatever they want be the "Happiest Place on Earth"?

by kaufman
3-28-19
Welcome to Disney World, the HAPPYest place on earth. We're proud to have you here, Ted.
Wait a minute, that's my line.
Huh?
I'm Walt Disney, and you're Ted Williams. And I'd like to welcome YOU here.
Oh, sorry, Walt. Brain freeze, I guess.

by evil_d
3-25-19
You can repaint your house, but the new color has to be identical to the old one.
But nobody's made "Nixon Chartreuse" since the '70s. The closest I can find nowadays is "Trump Orange".
Yeah, that's identical enough.
You don't know what one of those words means.

by evil_d
3-25-19
I'd like to beautify my house by painting it.
Oh, no, you can't do that. It's already the correct color.
I see. And what if the paint were to become damaged?
Oh, then you'd have to beautify it, for sure. By painting it the exact same color.
You seem like the kind of person who listens to "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and thinks "A little rhinoplasty would clear this problem right up."
Don't be silly. He should just paint his nose the correct color.

by evil_d
3-05-19
I have a number of complaints about my meal. For starters, the "guacamole" I ordered was just a whole, overripe avocado.
Ah, yes, I'm afraid our chef quit while he was in the middle of making it.
It was also thrown at my head instead of being carried to my table.
Yes, I believe the waiter also quit on his way out of the kitchen.
And another one of your staff loudly called me a "crack *****".
Okay, you got me. This isn't a restaurant; it's the alley behind 7-11 and you're in the middle of a bum fight.

tahT !dwag ym hO ym detalfed nhoj !stnalpmi
Oh my gawd! That john deflated my implants!
by kaufman, 2-23-19

by Namgubed
2-14-19
Meanwhile, at a Las Vegas Pawn shop...
Hey, I came across this 1922 British shilling. What'll you give me for it?
Well, let's see ... hmm, for that, I'll give you $4.25 .
Come on, you barely even looked at it!
That's what it's worth.
How do you know?
That's easy - it's a foreigner quarter!

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