people Novacainer is following

andydougan, boorite, El_Kabong, kramer_vs_kramer


latest comics from people Novacainer is following

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So what's the usual process for backstreet abortions?
It's pretty simple really. You huff paint out of this paper bag until you pass out. While you're under I remove the baby plus any loose change or jewellery you happen to have on you.
And what happens to the baby once you remove it?
I dress it up in a uniform and use it for my civil war reenactments.
On a scale of one to ten, how much did the father look like Robert E Lee?

So, how long have you been doing backstreet abortions?
Only a couple of weeks. I used to be a children's entertainer.
That's pretty ironic.
Those kids loved me. But then one day the boss's son took over and let me go so he could hire all his idiot friends.
How did you get into the abortion business?
I'm cutting off their customer base at the source. That'll teach him!

Uh, hello? I'm here for the backstreet abortion?
Just a minute, I'll get my tools.
Right, just lie down on that mattress over there and I'll be with you in a minute.
That mattress over there with the dead heroin addict on it?
Dead? Crap - I hope you weren't expecting any anaesthetic.

It's raining! Luckily I have my huge umbrella to hand.
STOP RIGHT THERE! That is a businessman sized umbrella and I have reason to suspect you of not being a businessman.
I am a businessman, I run a nationwide chain of organic smoothie shops.
Oh, I'm very sorry sir. I thought you might have stolen that businessman-sized umbrella.
I did, I stole it from Donald Trump.
I didn't see anything. Have a nice day, sir.

I am a homeless man. I do not have an umbrella which puts me at risk of pneumonia when I sleep outside in the rain.
If only you were a businessman like me, then you could have a businessman sized umbrella.
Perhaps you could give me your umbrella? I am so very cold.
Not a chance. You're not a businessman and therefore not entitled to this size of umbrella. At the best you might be allowed a normal person sized umbrella.
Is there a special size of umbrella for us homeless folk?
Yes, have you ever seen the paper ones that come in ****tails?

I am an important businessman. The size of my umbrella represents how important I am. It is big enough to fit a barbershop quartet underneath.
I am the CEO of a Fortune 500 corporation. Instead of an umbrella, I have four employees carry a gazebo while I walk.
I see normal people on the streets with their normal sized umbrellas. They are not important like me. They do not deserve to stay completely dry.
When I open my CEO umbrella, people mistake it for a solar eclipse.
I spend so long under my businessman sized umbrella that I have developed a major vitamin D deficiency.
My CEO umbrella is so heavy I dislocated my right shoulder and had to have the whole arm amputated.

Well, it's almost time. One last round stands between you and ultimate Comic Cup power.
That's right, Bob. I can almost taste the victory.
One more win, and you get the power to host the next Comic Cup.
Hang on - if I win I have to organise another of these things?

And on the eve of your entry in the Comic Cup I have to ask, is there a Mrs Kramer?
I'm afraid not. I've been so busy training for the Cup I've had no time for relationships.
But in many ways it's like I'm married to some of my comics.
They looked good in 2001 but now I'm embarrassed to be associated with them.

And is it true you've also tried your hand at stand up comedy?
That's correct. My "hilarious" Stripcreator comedy skills didn't translate so well to the stage though.
Chaos ensued at a comedy club in Glasgow last night, as a young comedian called "Kramer vs Kramer" went on a desperate and unfunny rampage.
The night took an unpleasant turn when the comedian took to the stage in red facepaint and violently sodomised an elderly man who was sitting in the front row.
Realising his act was not going well he then dragged two young female exchange students from Singapore onto the stage in his place and ran out a fire escape.
When questioned by the police he responded "Ha, ha! What the **** are you talking about?"

Tell me about that day in 2001 when you discovered Stripcreator.
I was killing time in the university library. I had just finished my final exams.
Well, that's university finished. I've got my whole adult life ahead of me. Time to go out into the big bad world and be a grown up, mature and respectable member of society.
Or I could stay in and make seven hundred comics about sexually assaulting donkeys.

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