All comics by Tak

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by Tak
5-13-03
Looking for something to do to fill the hole in her life, Tak applies for a job at The Watering Hole.
Hi - I'm Tak. I -will- be the waitress here.
Can you defend yourself against drunken losers?
Dooley conveniently stays out of this panel.
Like that guy?
Hey baby. I've got something ELSE I'd like to point at you.
That guy was ridiculous. I wonder if I should have done that to him.
Unnng....

 

by Tak
5-13-03
Dooley enters Tak's information in the Dooleyco employee database.
Right... you're hired.
Can I dance on the piano?
Enter Ace... the MASTER CHEF!
I want to cook! You will eat my delicious meats! Especially teh chicken!!
Sure, you're hired. Just keep the large utensils in the kitchen.
And some various others...
I'm Crazy Weasel. I'm Crazy Weasel. I'm Crazy Weasel. I'm Crazy Weasel. I'm Crazy Weasel. I'm the Bouncer.
Why did I hire you?

 

by Tak
5-13-03
Why does this place look like a cruise ship?
I can change that. We could always renovate.
Out of nowhere, enters the troll...
I, the amazing kyle, have destroyed your bar!
What? I see no difference.
...but Ace has a plan.
Why didn't that work? My attack was flawless!
I bet you taste like chicken.

 

by Tak
5-14-03
Tak skillfully lured Kyle to the dark recesses of The Watering Hole's kitchen...
Where's the beer you promised me?
We don't serve minors.
Ace sets his plan into action.
Troll. You're the main course of tonight's meal.
Wh..what?!
Kyle is promptly disposed of... for the first time.
When's dinner going to be ready? The customers are getting impatient.

 

by Tak
5-14-03
Having yet another topic moved from the main board, Vex unwillingly enters the ACSB world.
Why do my topics always get moved here? It makes me so mad!
Don't you like us Vex?
I'm evil. My heart is as black as my shirt!
Well?
I dunno... I'm starting to.
Cool.

 

by Tak
5-14-03
Zingela caused more confusion than anyone.
Tak! Beware the Blue Meanies!
Blue Meanies? What are Blue Meanies?
Trust me. You'll see.
Well... you WERE right about the penguins...
Meanwhile, The Blue Meanies plan their attack.
Tee hee...

 

by Tak
5-14-03
Fear presents itself to Tak in the form of... Blue Meanies!
I am Blue Meanies! Rawr!
EH?!
You scared off our waitress.
Ace has a plan... again.
I'm sorry. I was just playing.
I bet you taste like chicken.

 

by Tak
5-14-03
Mario talks to Blue Meanies...
Hi.
Hi.
Well I'll just be going then.
Me too.

 

by Tak
5-14-03
Vex meets CR.
Well, you could just erase his memory card. But then you'd be a dirty whore.
CR falls over and laughs at Vex's comment.
That was unexpected.
Hahaha!!
Later that day....
Do you want to have my children?
I think YOU are the Dirty Whore!

 

by Tak
5-14-03
Tak finds love. (No, she's not a witch.)
Is she the one that's been following me like a crazed stalker?
I wonder if she knows I've been following her like a crazed stalker...
No.
Marry me?
OK!
Sleep with me?

 

by Tak
5-14-03
Rahea bumps into Tak.
Milky... Milky... Milky...
Hi Tak.
Too bad she's zoning out...
...Milky... Milky... Milky...
Tak?
Several hours later...
Oh... Hi Rahea! When did you show up?
5 hours ago! You've just been standing there drooling!

 

by Tak
5-14-03
Pikadeth's Playhouse... the never-ending RI topic.
Hi Milky.
I think I'll eat something.
You just ate, didn't you? Go for it!
Well I was going to eat that sandwich.
Sorry.
...

 

by Tak
5-14-03
Tak & Milky stroll through the graveyard on New Years Eve.
I wish she'd hold my hand instead of that broom...
What's on your mind Tak?
Well...
Come on. You can tell me.
My head is spinning. She's gonna laugh at me.
Hmm...

 

by Tak
5-14-03
Some things are hard to say.
I love you, Milky.
You do?!
A good way to start a new year...
Damn anxiety...
Come on, let's go back.

 

by Tak
5-14-03
Tak & CR talk about Vex
Is Vex being a Dirty Whore again?
When is he not? I'd say he's perverted, but he took perverted and made it worse.
Worse? Or better?
That really depends on your point of view!
Oh. Then yeah, I'm a dirty whore.

 

by Tak
5-14-03
Appearing out of nowhere, God speaks to Tak.
Tak... you've really been irritating me with all the anti-religious sentiment.
You're not God... You're Dirk wearing a halo!
No, I've only chosen this form because it is familiar to you.
I barely know Dirk though.
Is this instantaneous change of clothes proof enough for you?
Are you David Copperfield?

 

by Tak
5-14-03
The argument continues...
Are you just dense?
I just don't see why God would bother talking to me - let alone in a clown suit.
Is this better? Tak, I have a mission for you.
But you don't exist.
Auugh!!
Well, that's certainly odd.

 

by Tak
5-14-03
The lord of evil presents himself
Thanks to your distraction, I was able to slay God.
But you don't exist!
She has a point...
Augh!!
I think I'm going crazy.

 

by Tak
5-14-03
All too soon, Tak realizes what has been going on.
Oh crap. Can't you just go away?
No. I'm a sad, sad monkey.
Didn't Ace cook you?
He hung me over a grease pit on a hook. Very painful.
Thus ends the most pointless (and bad) offshoot strip I've ever done.
But you don't exist!
Augh!

 

by Tak
5-14-03
Yeah, so I had a dream that I met God.
Oh yeah? What happened?
5 minutes later...
And that's what happened.
That's really weird.
She thinks I'm crazy.
Come on, let's go for a walk.

 

by Tak
5-14-03
The random aggressive male brings on the questions.
So Tak... you're gay?
Yes, I am.
Not even a little bisexual?
No.
Will you sleep with my girlfriend and let me watch?
No.

 

by Tak
5-14-03
So then he asks me to sleep with his girlfriend...
What a creep!
I should have stayed incognito.
We all knew anyway, Tak.
Well at least Vex doesn't hit on me.
He's still a dirty whore though!

 

by Tak
5-14-03
I'm not a dirty whore!
Oh come on, you admitted it yourself. We see the way you look at the two asian girls.
I swore I would never use these... but here they are anyway.
Hey, they're rather cute.
Someone get the hose...

 

by Tak
5-14-03
After gathering the courage, Vex asks Reiko out on a date.
Hi. Will you go out with me?
Hai.
Unfortunately he misunderstands that she was saying yes.
Yes, hi. Are you going to answer my question?
I thought I did!
Nobody loves me.
Meet me at 8.

 

by Tak
5-14-03
That evening...
Why are we in your bedroom?
I heard you were a dirty whore.
I'm not a dirty whore.
Here's 20 bucks. You'd better be worth it.
Little does Vex know that Reiko is actually a demonic hellspawn he summoned during his short duration as a SPOON.
I don't have to put up with this. I... what the hell?
Mwahahaha!

 

by Tak
5-14-03
The torture begins...
Well, aren't you a lovely sack of ugly!
That wasn't very nice.
Psh. Whatever.
You're hurting my feelings, here.
Moral: Never join a cult unless you want to share a bed with a rabbit sex demon.
Uh? The power went out?
It's the middle of winter. We may have to keep each other warm.

 

by Tak
5-14-03
Vex makes his escape.
Right... I was just leaving.
I was hoping for some cuddling first.
Just then, the power comes back on.
Too late I'm outside.
Come back and sleep with me!
You know what the sad part is? That was the best date I've ever had.
You almost had sex with a rabbit though. That kind of sucks.

 

by Tak
5-14-03
Let's see how it works out with Shizuko instead.
You wouldn't happen to be an evil hellspawn I accidently summoned would you?
What are you talking about? Of course not!
He's rather direct... but that's just to save time.
Good... good. Will you go out with me?
Do I have a choice?
Of course you have a choice.
Oh... why not? Meet me at The Watering Hole.

 

by Tak
5-14-03
That evening at The Watering Hole
Does anyone even work here anymore?
Of course they do. Slave girl! I demand drinks instantly!
What?! This is an outrage!
I'm a consultant now. You'll have to wait for the bartender.
Sirens are heard outside...
Well we'll be here alone for awhile. Should we make out?
What? No!

 

by Tak
5-14-03
The siren stops... and Vex's date comes to an unlikely conclusion.
Sir, you're under arrest for kidnapping. You have the right to blah blah blah...
!
...
Kidnapping?! Oh come on!
We'll see you in prison, Vex.
That girl has been missing for days.
Maybe I should give up on dating.

 

by Tak
5-14-03
A week passes...
How're you holding up Vex?
My ass hurts. Get me out of here Dooley...
I'll see what I can do.
Thanks.
Give me a few minutes. You'll need to duck and cover.

 

by Tak
5-14-03
Dooley's plan...
You sure Vex'll be okay?
Right... missle coordinates are set... and...
At the prison....
Way to go on answering my concerns.
He'll be okay. Let's go get him.

 

by Tak
5-14-03
Looking for Vex in the ruins...
You destroyed a lot more than the prison, Dooley.
They should have bought indestructible Dooleyco products. Look! There's Vex!
Finding him was easy...
I'm glad you made it out okay Vex.
Okay? I'm not okay. I was just in a fucking explosion.
Yet he never learns to stop being a dirty whore... but we love him anyway.
Come on Vex. Let's go back to P2.
I'll follow you anywhere CR.

 

by Tak
5-14-03
Tak decides to face her fear.
Blue Meanies... who are you... really?
Other than a creature which strikes fear into the hearts of... only you?
Yeah. Other than that. I can tell that's only a costume.
It scared you good though.
Yeah. So who are you?
Well... if you must know...

 

by Tak
5-14-03
Blue Meanies reveal themselves!
I'm actually... the one... the only...
How'd you get over there?
Animal Crosser!
Gasp! I think I'll faint.
The end of the secret.
So uh... yeah.
That was rather anti-climatic.

 

by Tak
5-14-03
So many Dooleys
Hi. I'm regular Dooley. The one you know and love.
I'm invisible Dooley. I'm just like the normal Dooley - only slightly less visible!
But only 3 panels...
I'm GIANT R0B0T D00LEY.
I'm Doolzilla! Rawr!!
I'm doolz. I'm exactly like Dooley - yet from another dimension.
You almost forgot The Imp!

 

by Tak
5-14-03
The holidays are an emotional time...
So what are you doing for Christmas Tak?
Same thing I do every year.
...but not very emotional for Tak.
Which is?
Not much. Actually, nothing.
But suggestions are always nice.
You could make out with Milky under the tree.
True...

 

by Tak
5-15-03
Tak frequently forgets the simple things...
Why did I come into the kitchen?
...and then is distracted by the strangest things...
Why is there a steaming pile of crap on the floor?
Of course you know, this is only the beginning.
I should find something to clean that up.

 

by Tak
5-15-03
So off she goes to find a mop...
Can I take your order?
You wouldn't happen to have a mop would you?
Yet somehow finds herself out of place...
What do you need a mop for?
Wait a second... who are you? Am I still in The Watering Hole?
This isn't The Watering Hole... This is Rei's Bar.
...damn it... how did I get all the way over here?

 

by Tak
5-15-03
So she looks around for someone willing to help...
You wouldn't happen to know the way to The Watering Hole would you?
Grrlsh! Slrrrlll!
She seems to be experience a communication problem.
I see... could you translate that by pointing in the direction I need?
I just want to be loved!
After getting nowhere... she makes the wrong choice.
Why do I bother... I'll just go left.
Damn the worms over my mouth!

 

by Tak
5-15-03
After turning left, Tak runs into trouble in the wilderness.
Moo.
You're not a cow...
After turning left, Tak runs into trouble in the wilderness.
~ Analyzing ~
Eh?
After turning left, Tak runs into trouble in the wilderness.
Analysis complete... Subject is Tak. Hello Tak - How may I be of service?
You could tell me where I am...

 

by Tak
5-15-03
This robot is so helpful.
You are in the middle of nowhere.
No kidding. Any way you can help me out?
Yep. Hold on.
Okay.
Abandonment?
Well... I guess I'll just follow it.

 

by Tak
5-15-03
One hour later, she finally catches up to the robot.
Hum dee dum...
HEY!
Huh? What? Oh, it's you Tak. Something wrong?
Oh no, nothing it all. It's not like you said you were going to help me and then just ran off or anything. Say, what is this place anyway?
Maybe this robot is just defective.
This is a top secret government factory. We're building robots to thwart the coming alien invasion.
Top secret? Should I really know that? Invasion? Hmm...

 

by Tak
5-15-03
Definitely defective.
So, what do you think our chances are?
Well considering you just told me about all of this... I'd say the aliens are going to kick your ass.
That's not funny.
You must be a defective prototype. You could have just told me how to get home.
I'm going to have to kill you now, you know that right?
Are all of these robots being made like you? Ah, whatever. I'm leaving.

 

by Tak
5-15-03
Wandering around lost...
I wonder if anyone noticed I'm gone...
Meanwhile...
Vex... you're really kicking my ass at Unreal Tournament, here.
Unreal Tournament? I'm playing Everquest.
Uh... hold on... damn that flak cannon!
Hey... where's Tak? I sent her to the kitchen to get something, and she never came back.

 

by Tak
5-15-03
Vex, CR, and Dooley start the search.
You're standing in a pile of crap Vex.
She's obviously not here.
Hahaha....
Aww... shit. Let's go.
Meanwhile...
Aww great. First I get lost in the wilderness, led around by a stupid robot, and now this.

 

by Tak
5-15-03
Look! It's the wormy thing!
Grrllg! Rllrll!
Eh? How did I get here?
Tak uses her amazing brain power to analyze the situation.
Slrlrlarr!
I get it now... you must be one of the aliens that idiot robot is trying to kill.
The return of worm mouth...
She understood me?!
And this is your space ship? Cool.

 

by Tak
5-15-03
Dooley finds a potential lead.
Hi there. Have you seen... say, what are you anyway?
Slraarrrl!
But how to decipher it?
Ah... look. I'm looking for a girl with brown hair and a purple shirt. Could you just point me in the direction she went?
Raarrlll?
Always trust strange creatures with worms over their mouths.
I guess I'll follow you then.
Slarllph!

 

by Tak
5-15-03
Tak has tea with an alien. Will Milky be jealous?
So, what's it like having worms for a mouth?
I'm in love...
That robot wants to go to war... I wonder if you could talk to him and straighten things out.
Slrrlll!
Oh don't get mouthy. Just go talk to him.
She's right...

 

by Tak
5-15-03
Using freaky warp technology seen earlier, they travel back to the robot factory.
Oh... I think I'm going to be sick.
Slarlf!
~ Analyzing ~ AH! An alien!
Srllarlllf!
Tak explains the situation...
It doesn't want to hurt you. It's come to talk peace!
Nonsense! I must kill the both of you now!

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