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habnem, Thallium


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by habnem
3-27-08
So, that's what it feels like to have a tentacle go into your stomach from the wrong end.
Yup, pretty much.
Another step on my quest to find the most painful things I can do to myself.
Glad to help. How did it feel?
It hurts.
So, good?

Yay! Star Wars is on! Shit, it's Episode 2. That's gay. I'm not. Why must Yoda invert all his sentences like that? Where am I? Why am I light-headed?
Dude, you don't even have a TV.
by habnem, 3-26-08

by habnem
3-25-08
...super-jowly-
Man, my face is really fat...
fragile-dipstick-
And I can't check my oil, because the thingy keeps falling apart...
pesky-halitosis?
And I can't even get rid of my morning breath.

by habnem
3-25-08
It's 3 a.m. in America...
Honey, I have a really bad headache.
OK. I'll go get you an aspirin.
Your family is sound asleep...
!@#$% aspirin bottle! Why do these things have to be so hard to open?!
Who do you want in the White House?
I'm John McCain, and... hey, is that about me?

I just know America is ready for a black president. That's why I'm voting for Chad!
Oh yeah- I just remembered something I'm supposed to to.
by habnem, 3-25-08

by habnem
11-07-06
Whatcha watching?
Election returns.
Why so concerned? Did your guy lose?
No, it's just that the winner is trying to be classy and it's kinda gross.
That doesn't sound too bad...
He's drinking merlot out of the skull of the loser.

by habnem
1-31-06
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a true American hero who has saved us all, Mr. Habnem Minvrah.
Thank you, Mr. President.
Habnem Mimvrah? You ****tin' me? Is that your real name, son?
Yes sir.
What are you, like, Puerto Rican?

by habnem
1-31-06
Later, in the locker room...
Hey baby. You can't see me at all, can you? No? That's because I froze time. Ha ha!
This is way hella boring. Why do my lifelong dreams always suck so much ass?
I can't move, but I can think. I think you smell bad.

by habnem
1-31-06
Hey, Dad. I finished my time machine. I managed to cobble together a dissequentialator out of an iPod, a milk jug, and some mold I had growing in a coffee mug.
That's fantastic! So are you going to save the world?
Good idea! (ahem) I mean, of course, but first I have to go down to the high school.
I see. I would imagine they want you to lecture their physics class.
Uhh, yeah. That's exactly right.
I'm so proud of you.

by habnem
1-31-06
Hey man. You gotta help me. I'm in desperate need of a temporal dissequentialator.
A whatnow?
A temporal dissequentialator. It's a nuclear device that fragments the time-space continuum, and it's the heart of my time machine plan.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure those haven't been invented yet.
Oh. Do you have any Chee-tos?

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