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by Injokester
Melvin, I'm confused.
What's up?
Well I've been tasked with doing something manually that should be done with a bulk upload, but management has denied me the information I need to do that.
Well all's fair in Office Wars, Chen. It's probably just revenge for us email bombing the servers. How is that confusing?
Well that's the thing, I can't actually decide if it's brilliant Office Wars strategy or just a regular instance of incompetent management.

by Injokester
Chen, we're in trouble, Sanderson figured out we've been updating tasks in order to flood their inboxes with the auto response.
So what are they doing?
Rumour is they're going to set us up as the recipient for our own alerts.
We'll that's not a problem, we'll set up some e-mail filter rules.
And what, just delete them?
No, forward them right back. If we time it right, they'll blame the task system.

by Injokester
Sanderson, everything's gone mad! For 3 days now it's like the task management system has been infested with demons!
I know, I'm getting the same, it's as if... as if...
Say Bob, how long has it been since you last had time to assign Chen any actual work?
Mother ****er. Three days. I haven't even had time to emasculate him or poke him with pointy things! Or put anything in his coffee!

by Injokester
Any progress with the debacle that is the new task management process?
Absolutely, I'm making great headway.
I discovered that every time I update a task it sends an email notification to my manager.
Ooh, that'll keep them busy.
Oh yeah, I've got an automated script running on a loop, I haven't even been to my desk in three days.

by Injokester
How's the new task management system working out for you guys?
It's not too bad, it's a lot more work to manage than the old one, but it's mainly the managers who have to deal with that.
I can say it's definitely a lot less stressful now though.
Because you've only got time for "task management" and not actual work?
Mainly because watching the managers suffer more than I do is good for morale.

by Injokester
So you built me specifically to take over the world and kill all the humans. Why would you do that?
I came out of my lab after spending the last 15 years developing a cure for cancer, and discovered reality television.
Ah, fair call.

by Injokester
Hey Jesus, what's with the last 2000 years? Why didn't you do something about the wars and famines?
Why didn't you?
Oh, I don't believe in God, because instead of proving God's worth all of his representatives demand I accept him as being better than me without giving reason.
They what? Fuckers.
I left, like, 12 guys to explain that ****.

by Injokester
Excuse me, could you possibly direct me to the train station?
Yeah, go down that way, turn left at the Starbucks,
Then left again at the McDonalds, then right at the next McDonalds, then right after the Starbucks on this side of the street, not the one on the other side.
Oh, so it's right by the public library?
The what?

by Injokester
Hi, do you happen to have all 4 books from Jack Vance's Planet of Adventure series,
But with covers in the same style?
We actually do, though 2 of them are in really poor condition and 2 are practically new.
Maybe you could damage the two good ones so they're consistent?

by Injokester
Chen, thank you for coming. I wanted to talk to you about the policy regarding the employee fridge.
Are you aware that food must be eaten by the person whose name is on it, and only by that person?
Yes ma'am, I'm aware of that policy, I actually wrote it.
Excellent. I put a jar of expired mayonnaise mixed with centipedes in the vegetable fresher with your name on it.
I knew I should have worded that policy better.

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