people TotalAmateur is following

bigworm, four_legged_tripod


latest comics from people TotalAmateur is following

Well, well, well. If it isn't Eddie Money.
It is. So are you going to let me in or not?
Not. I've got video footage from several hotels that would not warrant your enterance.
Oh yeah? Well I got...
Don't say it!
Two tickets to Paradise!

Don't you feel bad playing grab ass all day with Carol?
Why should I?
Well, I know it's consentual, Carol talks about it all time, but you both are married.
Oh, that. My wife is actually very encouraging about it.
Really?
Yeah. Every morning when I leave, she tells me to have a great day at work.

I'm not being critical, I'm just worried about your health.
By pointing out every pound I've put on?
I just think you could cut back a little or maybe read up a little more about health.
Actually, I did do some reading on the subject.
Really?
Yeah, after my fifth trip through the Chinese buffet line, I opened my fortune cookie and it read, "Good health will be yours for a long time."

Welcome to Jimmy Johns. What can I get started for you?
Got anything new?
We can offer you an egg on any sandwich.
Great. How are the eggs done?
Poached.

Amazon.com Headquarters
I know Apple has most of the market, but I think we can get back in it.
What are you suggesting?
A re-launch of our tablets. But how?
What about a publicity stunt? I think I got just the thing!
...you can clearly see the smoke for miles. And now for more on the Amazon Fire, we turn to...

Remember to thrown your snack trash away, kids. Food attracts bugs.
Hey, baby! Let's get it on!

Your mom and I are tired of you changing your hair color by wiping it on things.
You left your shoe polish out. That's your fault. I can go all day without wiping my head on anything.
Smashed fruit, wet paint, doesn't matter. You'll see!
Well ****!

It was once a robot
Someone said I was ugly
BUT YOU'RE FULL
He felt alone
I'm so alone, I have no friends
But one day ...
Hey, do you want to be my best friend?
No, who wants to be friends with black ice cream?

by bigworm
8-04-19
In case any other cop questions you about the missing placenta, and they ask you what you had for dinner... what's your answer?
I had a big plate of yeast casserole and frozen yeast for dessert sir!
Excellent! I'll take 1/2lb of the P.cent. and a 1/4lb of her daddy's peanuts.
With or without ****?
With. Now go home and wash your tongue!
I knew I forgot something!

So how was the business trip?
Sucked. I got to Japan with plans to learn some Japanese to slip into conversation to impress this Japanese guy I was meeting.
I was in my hotel room, right by the honeymoon suite. I heard the couple next door. She's screaming, "Machigatta ana". I figure it means Great! Wonderful!
or something like that. The next day we're golfing and he hits a hole in one, so I yell "Machigatta ana" and he looks me straight in the eye, and says...
What do you mean "wrong hole"?

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