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bigworm, four_legged_tripod

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by bigworm
Our host this evening has won the 'Bill Clinton' Celebrity Look Alike Contest 1 out of 3 years in a row... let's give it up for..... BILL 'LEFT WANTON' CLINTON!!!
That's incorrect! Hillary was 'wanton', not me.
But with others than yourself, am I not correct Bill? Thus leaving you 'wantin'?
Ah! I see where you're going with this! I was indeed left 'wantin'. Bu... bu... I got 'wanton' with Monica, so yeh, I was both. Ask Monica!!!
Please calm down. You're a little confused right now, but the judges have heard your answer. You dont want to burn in hell forever more... do you Bill?
Ummm... *pssst! blink once if the answer's yes! PLEASE, I beg of you!!!*

So, you might find this request a little odd.
Try me. I'm into a lot.
I like to tell dad jokes while having sex.
Um, okay. That doesn't sound so bad.
Hey, dad, what do you call an old snowman?

by bigworm
I've been a monk in a few different places, and I'd really like to be a monk here.
What Order of Monks are you coming from?
Yes, Order.
Ummm... Pecking Order?

by bigworm
I would like to join your brotherhood.
What Order are you leaving?
The Brotherhood of Long Lived Farmers.
For what reason have you left the company of those Brothers?
They all died.

by bigworm
*WHEW*!!! Glad to get that bubble off my head. I called because I uh... I need to know that you love me, that's it!
Gotcha' gotcha' gotcha'! Maybe something like a little smite upside the head?
Ehhh... not really! That's more like ...showin' how much you care about me.
Yep, you're right about that! Let's see now...How about I have yer scrawny ass nailed to a cross???
Well, I think millions would think of that as the way you would prove your love for them, but I don't know about me.
Thank you Jesus!!! I'm goin' with it. It's proof for them that I love 'em and since you're my son, I don't care if you believe it or not!

by bigworm
I'm here!!! I'm here!!! What's your call about??? OVER! You call me then you're gone for 20 minutes!!! Then you ask me about Satan!!! WTF's that **** about???
Satan's poop?
I'm gonna' go with "Satan's poop..." that's my final answer.

by bigworm
'Trinity Pt.1' to 'Trinity Pt.2' Do you read me? Come in 'Pt.2'. Come in 'Pt.2'.
*whistlin' dixie*
Alrighty then! Is that you Dad? Come in 'Trinity Pt.1' Radio not working...STOP! Are you hanging out with Satan AGAIN?... STOP!

by bigworm
'Trinity Pt.2' calling 'Trinity Pt.1' Do you read me?
Not well as you should already know. Please put on your 'Interstellar Telephonic Headset' which you should already know is recquired for long distance calls... OVER!
*whistlin' dixie*

With Hurricane Barry headin' this way, I'd better board up this here broken door.
I wonder if I got some spare boards in the attic I ain't a usin'.
That should do 'er!

by bigworm
Damn!!! This is where it's at!!! Mormon afterlife with our own planet!!!
Dude! I'm a Southern Baptist.
Oh right!!! What was I thinkin??? Gimme a minute... YES! I get it!! I get me some wives plus a servant upgrade!!!!
Uh oh.
Hey! I need another beer, okay? I mean... you know... when you gotta' FREE moment! LOL!!!

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