people TwoDollars is following

samph, Skin


latest comics from people TwoDollars is following

by samph
6-14-09
"You see that girl over there?"
Who her?
"Yeah. The other day I saw her making out with two dudes and a chick."
Well it goes to show...
Goth chicks are by and large bi and large.

by samph
3-10-08
SARAH CONNOR?
Yes?
I AM PLEASED TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU QUALIFY FOR OUR VOLENTARY STERILIZATION INCENTIVE PROGRAM. I AM AUTHORIZED TO OFFER YOU $100 FOR SUBMITTING TO A HYSTERECTOMY.
Go away.
HOW ABOUT $20 TO NAME YOUR MALE OFFSPRING ANYTHING BUT JOHN?

by samph
3-07-08
X-13's clandestine robot factory
Do you mind if I ask what's going on with this killer-robot factory?
I AM ONLY TOO HAPPY TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS. BUT FIRST I MUST WARN YOU TO HAVE A LOOK BEHIND YOU.
Huh?
DESTROY! DESTROY!
IT SEEMS AS THOUGH I WILL BE FEEDING BACON TO MY PROGENY THIS DAY.

by samph
3-06-08
SO I AM AT THIS BOOKSTORE AND I ASK THE GUY WHERE THE CUBES ARE. HE TELLS ME THEY DO NOT CARRY THEM.
YOU MEAN THEY RAN OUT?
THEY DO NOT SELL THEM EVER. AND THEY CALL THEMSELVES A BOOKSTORE.
THERE HAD OUGHT TO BE A LAW.
FUCKING HUMANS
I AM AWARE, CORRECT?

by samph
3-05-08
Caspian Books 8:80 AM
WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR ENERGON CUBES?
We don't sell energon cubes.
WHAT KIND OF A BOOKSTORE IS THIS?
Fucking robuts.

by Skin
2-29-08
I can't decide which is worse, Chet; your taste in restaurants or your erectile dysfunction.
Well Lydia, I'm gonna have to go with my taste in women.
I'm going to go see if there are any MEN in this place.
If you find one, don't forget to catalog his faults in your blog.
Will uh... is sir ready to order?
Yes, I'll have the London Broil, medium rare, new potatoes on the side, and a pistol loaded with two hollow-point rounds.

by Skin
2-07-08
Mark, baby, I know this isn't easy, but I feel strange... almost like I can't trust you.
I don't... I can't understand... Janie, please don't leave...
I thought this might be difficult for you, but maybe you can talk to...
Mr. Handpuppy!
Oh thank god. Mr. H, you've gotta cover for me, I think my girlfriend knows I screwed her sister.

by Skin
4-21-07
Vee vill found zee sousand-year reich, such zat zee world vill tremble- wait, vas is das noise?
HERR HITLER! I am here from the future. I have seen what has come to pass. Your attempt at glory will bring you and countless millions nothing but heartache and death.
Mein Gott! I cannot believe... wait, American?
You will walk away from the chancellorship of Germany NOW.
...und vat can you offer me in return, little future-soldat?
Um, I have a late-model tan civic that you can use when I'm not using it. Also my roomate makes awesome hot chocolate.

by Skin
1-09-07
My bird can see years ahead. It teases me with information.
Your only child will be abducted and abused on her half-birthday.
How can I save her?
It hates its little jail, and me, its little jailor.
You will try to hold on to your wife, but you will lose her to her grief.
How can I console her?
My bird can see years ahead.
You will kill yourself in your empty house.
Ooh, how many bedrooms?

by Skin
12-08-06
Wednesday, 10:13am.
Damn. I've got an amputee here who wanted to run the Boston Marathon.
Ooh, tricky.
I mean, I can have him win the thing in his wheelchair, but it would look like the fix is in.
Absolutely. Try compensating in another area. 'Bout two years back, I had a coma victim win the lotto. It wasn't perfect, but at least his kids went to college.
So.... X-ray vision?
Humans aren't cleared for hypersense, Tom. I know you got that reminder email. Just set him up for triple-orgasms and a case review in three years.

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