All comics by badkarmadetroit

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by badkarmadetroit
2-15-06
Alright !!! I'm pregnant !!!
i'm not surprised. you have sex like a rabbit.
i love getting gifts.
you should register somewhere.
like 'pottery barn'?
...or an abortion clinic.

 

by badkarmadetroit
2-15-06
if i was a penguin, I'd attack everything.
yeah right. like what?
like a LION !!! i'd be like ARRRGGGHHH f*ck you lion !!!
if you're a penuin...where are you gonna find a lion.. a sea-lion, maybe.
fuck sealions, I'd fly into a zoo and attack a semi-domesticated cat!!
!

 

by badkarmadetroit
2-16-06
last night at denny's i saw a group of cancer patients playing the crane game
how'd you know they were in chemo?
They were bald and uncoordinated. I felt bad and gave 'em each a quarter ...figured it might be their last chance.... ever.
...or their last wish.
yeah, it was heartbreaking ...then I realized it was a swim team
i hope you got your money back.

 

by badkarmadetroit
2-16-06
We laugh at what we don't understand.
Hmmm. That explains a lot.
Until last night I didn't know ANYTHING about overweight hookers with a lazy eye.

 

by badkarmadetroit
2-16-06
what are time-management skills?
Hmm. It's difficult to explain. Here's an example, I beat my wife, kids, and dog...
I don't think you understand...
...then I slap a post-it note on their faces
...so I can remember to beat them when I saw them again

 

by badkarmadetroit
2-16-06
what's wrong?
my girlfriend just left me for the spin cyle on our washing machine.
boop !
i don't blame her. I've even licked its lint trap once or twice when i was drunk on laundry detergent..... Don't look at me like that!
beep !
It was practially begging me for it. 'Accidentally' leaving its hatch half-open, shakin' its load across the room. You would've done the same thing, if you had a tongue.

 

by badkarmadetroit
2-16-06
Guys always try to pay my wife for sex
I can’t believe you just called me a hooker in front of our friends
Oh c’mon hon...everyone knows you don’t take the money
i'm outta here.
Come Back !!! I'm just kidding around. We all know you’re not pretty enough to be a hooker

 

by badkarmadetroit
2-17-06
Sharks don't scare me. I'm more afraid of being attacked by a jellyfish.
I mean sharks are raw, man-killing beasts! If you get eaten by a shark, that’s a tough guy's way off the planet.
You get killed by a jellyfish, and your family will be embarassed.
At the funeral people would be asking my dad, ‘Damn Clint, I heard your son got killed by a ziplock bag. Is that true?’
He’d have to lie and be like, “Nope. Shark got ‘em.”
My epitaph would say, ‘You should see the shark.’

 

by badkarmadetroit
2-17-06
Why were you naked on the beach with my daughter?
.......uh.......
....uh....she was on my list of 'Things to do before I die'?
Hope he had the rest of that list done.

 

by badkarmadetroit
2-17-06
wanna hear a joke?
Only if it's not another one of your sick fantasies about the farmer's daughter.
Haha. Those never get old. This is a new one: How do you eat an elephant?
i dunno. how?
He should have said 'The same way I eat the Farmer's daughter.'
one bite at a time..hahahahaha.
You sick bastard. Elephants are endangered.

 

by badkarmadetroit
2-21-06
You like my new underwear?
Well, they're not really 'new'.
I found them on the street.
I didn't wash 'em yet, but they're pretty comfortable.
yup.
I can hardly tell they're women's.

 

by badkarmadetroit
2-21-06
I have a question.
Of course you do, you're an idiot. Do your parents know how dumb you are?
Yes!... i mean No! ...wait...what?
That’s probably because they’re as dumb as you. Your boyfriend is ugly too
i'm sorry.
Don’t ever have children because they’ll be dumb and ugly

 

by badkarmadetroit
2-21-06
How's it going?
Well, it was going dork-free until a couple seconds ago.
do you offer any discount travel plan?
we have one...but involves you carrying a handicap person on your back.
that's fine.
Did i mention they can't be related to you?

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