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latest comics from people christopher7murphy is following

What is that...?
*sniff* *sniff* *sniff* Oh, God... Is there nowhere she won't take a dump??

by crabby
It was not a good day for me today. At the grocery store I left the car door open on the way inside. Someone in the parking lot called out to let me know I forgot to close it.
That's embarassing.
Then an elderly woman pointed out that I had my youngest child's shoes on the wrong feet.
That's embarassing.
Then after I finsihed paying I walked away and left my phone at the checkout counter. I think I have early onset dementia. I think it's from all the years of drugs.
I think you're just a ****ing idiot.

by crabby
Look, I just wanted to come by and apologize. I was out of line for what I said in the restaurant last week. Open the door and hug me like the brother you are.
You son of a *****. I'm coming in there one way or another. Don't think this door is going to keep me from my brother. I'm kicking the door down!
Jesus. I can't believe it. My brother killed himself.

by crabby
I don't know why I bought this restaurant. I don't know what I'm doing with this place. I tried to hire a management firm to run it so I can go back to Pittsburgh, but I just don't trust anyone.
What the hell do you want?
I just came here to see how you're doing. Make sure you're living up to our father's legacy.
I'll leave, but not because you told me to leave. I'm leaving because the job you're doing here makes me sick. I wish you the worst.

by crabby
What are you doing here, Pete? I haven't seen you in almost 30 years.
Ma says you're selling the restaurant?
So that's it huh? You come back from Pittsburgh like some sort of hot shot to throw your weight around? Ma is seriously in debt. We need to sell the restaurant and put the money toward debt.
That was our father's restaurant you heartless son of a *****!
Do you want to buy nthe restaurant or not? Huh? You Pittsburgh hero. Pony up if you want to be a big man. DO YOU WANT IT OR NOT?
You know what, I will buy the restaurant.

by crabby
You look terrible. What happened? You've been looking really healthy lately, but you look absolutely awful compared to when I saw you two months ago.
I had been really taking care of myself for the past 18 months or so and then out of nowhere I started feeling too thin. I was worried that I couldn't gain weight. I was scared it might be cancer.
Did you visit a doctor? Is everything ok?
I didn't go to a doctor. I just started eating like **** and drinking heavily again.
And are you feeling better?
I've never felt worse, but the good news is I've gained 16 pounds. I might feel like ****, but at least it's not cancer!

by crabby
It wasn't my proudest weekend. I've been reluctant to admit it in the past, but I think it's time I finally admit the truth. I have an alcohol problem.
Did you **** your pants again?
No! There are just large chunks of the weekend that I don't remember at all. I returned books to the library. I ate five chicken sausages. I grilled chicken sausages.
But did you **** yourself?
No! I'm just worried that I have a problem that I can't control like I thought I could. I'm scared.
I'm scared you're about to **** your pants right now.

I don't see it, pappy...
I know I left your pickup truck in this exact spot!
Did you drive my truck before or after your whiskey bender?
Before the whiskey bender, after the ****-fest with Bossie the Cow!
Dodn't tell me you tossed her the keys when you were done.
Had to... Said she had a hot date with Makin_d_Ragu's pig!

Thank you for showing me around your Indian reseservation, Two Dogs Fucking...
I'm sorry I desecrated the sacred traditions of your peoples when I urinated on your tribe's ances-tral totem pole!
By the way, how long do I have to be buried up to my waist in the middle of this buffalo roaming field?

Well, we've done it!
Why do you say "groovy"?
Because, "super delicious" sounds too gay!
I never knew one could be too gay.
Have you never been to atomic-lunch's house?

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