people cocoacandy is following

Injokester, kaufman


latest comics from people cocoacandy is following

by kaufman
6-15-13
I'm surprised we haven't seen more famous people here in Cancun.
Wait a minute, those two look familiar.
Having a drink over there? Oh yeah, I think she's Bonnie Parker. And he's ...
... Adolf Hitler! I wonder what they're doing here.
They must be on vacation.
Yeah.

by kaufman
6-09-13
One more look and then I'll send it in.
Dear Abby, I'll be traveling to Europe next month, and I hear you need an adapter to use American devices over there.
Things you never see in the newspaper
My question for you is where can I find a European adapter for my butt plug?

by kaufman
6-02-13
Oh my god! You're baseball commissioner Bud Selig, aren't you?
Why, yes I am.
Listen. I would really like to take you home right now and feel you inside my *****. Will you come with me?
Sure. Do you really think I'm that hot?
Are you kidding? Hell no! I just think you're the ultimate douche bag!

by kaufman
5-05-13
Hello, sir. We're collecting for Jesuses for Jews.
Hello, sir. We're collecting for Vietnambla.

by kaufman
5-05-13
Hello, I'm collecting for the March of Dimes.
Fair enough, I'll pledge you ten cents.
*******.
One month later ...
Hello, I'm collecting for the April of Hundred Dollar Bills.
****.

by kaufman
5-05-13
Hello, I'm collecting for the Salivation Army.
Don't you mean Salvation Army?
No, I don't think so.

by kaufman
5-05-13
Hello, I'm selling tickets for the policeman's ball.
I'm sorry, I don't dance.
It's not a dance, sir. It's a raffle.

by kaufman
3-16-13
Hey Luke, do you know how to spell "ejaculating?"
E-J-A-K ... hmmmm... I'm not sure, John. What do you need it for?
Oh, I've got a deadline in 20 minutes to turn in my gospel, and I just need to fill in the part about the time he was ejaculating pretty thunderously.
Oh yeah. That was ****in' hilarious. You NEED to put that in.
Well, I'll just write "Jesus w.e.p.t." Everyone'll know what I was talking about.

by kaufman
3-14-13
Mom, can you check if the mail came?
I checked ten minutes ago, and it hadn't come. What is it you're so impatient about anyway?
A piece of wood. I'm due for this month's board.
A piece of wood? Jesus, why does that interest you so?
Just look at this thing I'm nailed to, mom. It looks like a ****ing T. Eleven more pieces and I can finish my swastika.

by kaufman
3-14-13
... so then a bunch more drunkards come up to me and say, "Hey, turn my water into wine too!"
So I finally had enough and turned it all into wine. The oceans, the rivers, the glaciers, everything. All the water on earth.
Of course all the fish and algae died. And best of all, the oceans were all salty and full of dead fish, so when they tried to drink it, it tasted like crap.

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