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by baconeater
This Atheist Bus campaign is really bothering me. I feel helpless.
God, why don't you prove to the people of Earth that you exist.
I can't. That is why I feel helpless. The atheist buses are right.
So, you are saying you probably don't exist? Who am I talking to then?
Too funny. You probably accept that a piece of bacon can talk too.

by baconeater
Firing from a school is a win win situation
How so?
If Israel doesn't fire back we keep firing.
If Israel blows us up, you can become one of my 72 Virgins

I'm really nervous about seeing this Muslim doctor.
Open your mouth and say ahhhhh...........................lah
by baconeater, 7-03-07

by baconeater
Hey God, why not prove yourself and your mighty powers. How will the 9th race superfecta finish at Belmont in exact order?
C'mon, that is an easy one. The race will finish 4-1-2-6 Piece of cake.
The 9th in Belmont came in 5-9-7-3 Well what do you have to say for yourself?
Well, you should know by now.
I should know what? You didn't even pick one horse that hit the top four.
You should know by now, that I work in mysterious ways.

by baconeater
Hey buddy, I need some H
OK, my main man , how much heroin do you want
I don't want heroin. I'm a Palestinian
Oh, you must mean you need your daily dose of HUMILIATION
Yeah man, give it to me and give it to me good. I need it bad.
Look at all you accomplished in 60 years because you couldn't accept a Jewish governed state.

by baconeater
Hey God, there are a lot of people who think their bibles are accurate God inspired science books
That is silly, the only thing I inspired on Earth are blank pages. But I am pretty good at science.
OK, let me test you. A circle has a radius of 4 inches. What is the surface area of the circle?
Well lets see. Pi is 3, so Pi multiplied by the radius squared would be 48 square inches. Ha! I 'm good.
Pi is not 3, it is 3.14
Really? I guess I need to get an updated science book. The one I have is around 2000 years old.

by baconeater
Hey God, are you a Jehovah's Witness?
No, because I didn't see the accident....Rodney Dangerfield just told me that idea what it means or who they are.
They are a religious cult who believe in a literal bible, that the earth is young and that evolution is bull, and that Jesus will return any day now.
Oh, you mean Fundamentalist Baptists.
No, they also don't celebrate birthdays or Christmas, and they are against blood transfusions.
Against blood transfusions? You mean there is a group of people whackier than Fundamental Baptists?

by baconeater
Hey God, is there anything about you that most people don't know?
Lets see. I haven't taken a bath or shower in close to 15 billion years
Oh, that explains the smell.
What smell?, are you trying to tell me I have an odor problem?
Um yeah!, check out those gagging pigeons rolling around behind you.
I just thought they were in awe of me. OK, maybe I'll try some Right Guard.

by baconeater
Hey God, I just got my 100,000th visitor on my blog. Not bad for someone who doesn't even believe in you.
100,000 visitors to the blog of a non believing infidel? The world is going to hell in a handbasket.
Maybe you need to give a sign that you exist.
If all those dinosaur bones I buried the day after I created the earth 6,000 years ago isn't good enough. I just give up on proving myself.
Maybe you should start a blog.
Do you think I'll get any visitors?

by baconeater
Mohammed, Mohammed, I can't believe I'm worthy enough to be greeted by you.
I get to meet all suicide bombers. The big guy considers you to be the most worthy of this place.
This place is hot, it looks like hell, it is even worse than Gaza.
Well, the Zionist pigs stole heaven, this is all we have.
So do I get 72 male virgins at least?
Actually it is 72 raisins for guys and 72 prunes for old ladies. You get none, because you failed to kill any Jews when you blew up.

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