people itsclark is following

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latest comics from people itsclark is following

by kaufman
6-28-15
This is a very exciting day. In just a few moments, the New Horizons spacecraft will send back the first close-up pictures from Pluto!
Will you look at that! The strange, distant, unclassifiable member of our solar system and ... What's that down there? Can you zoom in please?
It looks like ... a sign.
ABOUT TIME YOU MADE IT HERE. WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? --SECRETARIAT

by kaufman
6-27-15
Welcome to Eocene Park! Here you will see real live creatures from 50 million years ago. Creatures like the eohippus, the forerunner of today's horse!
An eohippus? WOW! What did you do? Get some of its DNA from fossilized mosquitoes and clone it and bring it to life?
Don't be silly. That stuff only happens in fantasy movies.
Oh.
No, we accelerated it to within a few miles an hour of the speed of light, and thanks to relativity, 50 million years had elapsed by the time it got back to earth.
Whatever. We have a lawyer with us. Can the eohippus eat him when he takes a dump?

by crabby
6-26-15
Sir, I'm afraid I've met a new woman and I've caught the most long term STD possible. I'm going to need a week off from work.
A week? Just because you knocked up a woman? I'll let you leave an hour early tomorrow to take care of the abortion, but I expect you in normal time Wednesday.
No, it's not that sir! I'm in love!
Love?
YES GOD DAMNIT! LOVE!
WELL KISS MY GRITS! Take two weeks!

So tell me son, why do you want to join the army?
Well you see
I'm a 22yr old black male from Arkansas.
The army is the ONLY hope I have of living past the age of 40.

It was in this bed, that poet John Sotham spoke his final words
A struggling unknown in life, in death his works became much sought after
His dying wish ..."Please let me go, I have a family"

The serenity was overwhelming, there was not a person to be found
Of all the beaches in the world, this one was as perfect as could be
And they ruined it by making me come back to show them where she was buried.

The simplicity of the village was what first struck me
Quaint, backward, yet somehow at one with the forest surroundings.
It made the genocide that followed so much easier

I look upon the solitude of my daily existence, and I weep
There will be nobody to mourn me, merely replace and repeat my actions
As long as they can defuse the C4.

The First, and Last, Father/Son Acid Trip occurred when he was 9 years old
Oh god no. Take it out dad. Please.
Stop struggling son. there's plenty more space for these Wasabi's , ill just pack them in with my ****.
The last one, at age 13, left the boy in a permanent coma.
*gurgle*
They're growing a treat son. Seems they grow best when watered with Semen. I better give them one last top up.
He's not going to make it through the night. Were adding Murder to the Child Molestation charges.
Well , I guess I put the Pea in Paedophilia

I'm sorry, Caitlyn, but your, er, transformation does not qualify you to win the prize.
But the ad said ten million dollars to anyone who could demonstrate a method of human re-Jenner-ation.
by kaufman, 6-03-15

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