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latest comics from people itsclark is following

My Advisor told me to invest in Potatoes. He said I would be Dublin my money.
On his advice, Irished everything to make my fortune.
It funded my new movie about Irish Immigrants moving to America during the Potato famine. Its called "Starch Trek"

by kaufman
Yes, Captain, this is definitely the end of the rainbow, but I am not detecting any life, nor am I detecting any pots of gold.

by kaufman, 3-17-15

Our top story tonight. A train carrying 370 tonnes of nuclear waste has derailed in Flint, Michigan
Officials count the death toll in the thousands
Unfortunately, Michael Moore was not amongst the casualties.

Holy ****. A Martian ... erm, we come in peace.
Relax *******. You've been beaming that TV **** around for 50 years, we know your language.
Well then, erm, are we cool? I mean, us being aliens with a propensity to nuke indigenous species from orbit to claim their land?
Yeh. Not too worried about that. Most of the **** you put on TV about Martians, we've actually built it.
So how ****ed are we on a scale of 1-10?
The processing plant is running low on recycled meat chunks. Thats all you need to know.

Pay attention. When the light goes Red, you press the Red button.
And when the light goes Green, you press the Green button.
And that concludes your induction to voting in the House of Representatives. Any questions Congressman?

All clear in Quadrant C-13. Planet is clear of hostile life forms.
Erm Captain, thats not strictly speaking true
Hold on earth, my soon-to-be-deceased officer says something is up
Well sir, its not a hostile native lifeform weve encountered, it appears to be something we brought with us
Goddamit. This isnt college anymore Jones. Did you pack ANOTHER Xenomorph in my luggage?
If he did sir, you'll be meeting it in 5...4..3...2...1.... ARGH!

They sent 100 people to Mars on this one way mission
99 of us were male.
All of us brought Five Dollars.

by kaufman
Holy ****. Earthupials!

by kaufman
Heard from Wirthling lately?
Yeah, he's gotten a job in the Middle East making ISIS videos.
He'll be a natural.

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