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latest comics from people itsclark is following

by kaufman
You're bloody crazy.
No, just lazy.

by kaufman
I'm so hungry I beta could eta whole lambda and omega slice of alfalpha pi, and here I am omicrons from a cow. Iota eat it right now.
So thetas my idea for a nu end of the world psi-phi film. Zeta hit in your opinion, or am I miss-sigma mark?
They'll love it around the Great Lakes, places like Chi-cago and Upsilon-ti. Xi tauld you before, epsilon rhoad to getting kids and their gammas to both like it.
The movie took off like a Delta jet from Bangor to Encino.
If there's a letter I did forget, I'll buy you a kappaccino.

The perception of color is nothing but black translated through the fourth dimension. You can always step forward or back in time to a point where all the color is sucked away.
Translation: This is the last time I let Stevie Wonder vet my comic before I submit it to a contest.
by kaufman, 6-27-14

Being abandoned in deepest space allows one to ruminate on the human condition, much as Coleridge must have felt when he dreamed up the pleasure dome of Kublai ...
by kaufman, 6-23-14

by kaufman
Doctor, what happened? You look terrible.
Toughest Caesarian I ever performed. It turned out they were conjoined twins.
Yes, halfway down. Everything from the intestines down was one body, and everything above it was two.
So they split at ...
It was the first time I'd ever seen a triodenum!

by kaufman
Nyet, Nyet, Nyet, ****ing NYET!
What's the matter, Pyotr? Another rejection?
Da! Those nyekulturni critics wouldn't know a good overture if it hit them over the head. I swear, one more nyet and I'll shoot up all of St. Petersburg.
Oh, come on. I'm sure the next one will be well received.
Really? Do you know how many rejections I've had? 1811. That's eighteen hundred and ****ing eleven!

by kaufman
R.I.P. Maya Angelou

by kaufman
The White House, April 13, 1865
I'm sorry, honey, I guess I just have a lot on my mind.
That's ok, dear. We'll work it out.
The next day, the First Lady is dusting off a lamp in the Lincoln Bedroom, when suddenly:
You have freed the Genie of the Lamp. To show my gratitude, I will grant you one wish. But remember, I am a bit hard of hearing.
A wish? I guess what I really want is to get Abe Viagra.
Your wish shall be granted tonight.

by kaufman
Ford's Theatre, April 14, 1865
Sic semper tyrannis!
Ugh! I've been hit!
Mary! Who is that man who appeared in our box? He took a bullet that was intended for me.

by kaufman
It started at dinner many years ago when a little piece of string slipped into his spaghetti. He ate it unknowingly, and the little bit of string thrived in his virile Vigoda juices.
It grew and grew, until it was hundreds of miles long, and agglomerated into a giant ball. Abe's body could no longer function, so his relatives came from far and wide to memorialize the great man.
Today, people come from across the land to see the miraculous shrine that his perforated corpse has become.
We're gonna see the biggest ball of twine ...
... in Abe Vigoda!

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