people itsclark is following

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latest comics from people itsclark is following

by kaufman
Class, this is a cemetery. Long ago, people would bury their dead in places like this and put up large stones to mark their locations.
There's writing on those stones.
Yes, people would leave messages on them telling about the deceased. Like "Edna Robinson, loving wife and mother". Or this one ... oh my god, that is so sad!
Why? What does it say?
Here lies Melvin Lee. Died one day before the discovery of the secret to immortality.

by kaufman
Last night I had the worst Thanksgiving dinner ever.
It was over at George the Animal Steele's house and he served a turducken.
Wow! That's exquisite. I wish I could have been there.
Did I mention that this was at George the Animal Steele's house? He cooked a chicken inside a duck inside a turnbuckle.

by kaufman
That boy is so unpopular, even his imaginary friends aren't real.

by kaufman
Wow. Those were the most delicious potatoes I've ever tasted. And you're a botanist who grew them yourself. Figures. So, what's your secret?
Well, I was stuck in a place with no breathable air and no drinkable water. So I synthesized H2O and fertilized the seeds in my own ****.
Well, that's very ... Hey, wait a minute, I recognize you! You're the guy who was stranded on Mars for two years!
Huh? No, you must have me mistaken for somebody else.
So you didn't grow these on Mars?
No, of course not. I grew them in my back yard in New Jersey.

by kaufman
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hee hee hee. Cialis whooo?
Cialis run. Run, Alice, run ...

by kaufman
Susan, want to join our office dead pool this year?
God, no. Those things are so tasteless.
Susan, want to join our office fantasy reaping league this year?
Of course, count me in!

by kaufman
Americans are voting for stupid people. So my plan is to reanimate corpses with the brains of geniuses and have them vote. Now, Igor, bring me the brain of Albert Einstein!
Yes, Master!
The Einstein brain was not available. But I was able to get the brain of bridge legend Easley Blackwood.
A brilliant innovator and a great player. Yes, that should do nicely. Now, let us animate the body!
My beautiful creation! You're alive! Now go off to the polls and vote. But first tell me, how are you going to cast your ballot?
FOR ..... NO ..... TRUMP!!!!

by kaufman
You may go home, Tattoo. Unfortunately we will have no guests this weekend.
It seems that on their way over here, Mrs. Oglethorpe was bitten by a black mamba, and the Hardings were eaten by pythons.
Snakes on mother****ing de plane, Boss! Snakes on mother****ing de plane!

by kaufman
Ok, turn around once more, then go for it!
Nice job! Check out how you did.
Our neighborhood was so tough, at birthday parties, we'd play Pin the Jail on the Donkey!

by kaufman
Ok, so you're here, Dave, and so is Carl.
What about Herb? He said he'd be here.
Maybe one of you can call him and see where he is.
Sure, Jack. I'll just... Wait, I think I hear him coming.
This is really where the jokes come from.
Sorry I'm late, guys. Traffic was murder.
No problem. At least we now know it takes FOUR Abe Vigoda impersonators to change a lightbulb.

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