people itsclark is following

allenhenderson, andydougan, Bogart, boorite, Buffylavalamp, bunnerabb, coffman14, crabby, DexX, Drexle, fuck, gabe_billings, habnem, il_schmucko, israphael, JrnymnNate, KajunFirefly, kaufman, kazashima, Kevin_Keegans_Perm, ladyjdotnet, ObiJo, pita, rfmodulator, Spankling, tkopp, TwistOfReality, wirthling

latest comics from people itsclark is following

by kaufman
Hi, Liz.
Hey, Bobby Sue, how was your date last night?
Awful, boring. He was no excitement whatsoever. I need something more! Where are all the bad boys?
Let me guess. You'd be turned on by being driven home by some drunk tattooed guy in a beat-up pickup who's missing a few teeth.
Oh, god, yes! That would be so romantic. But where would I find a guy like that?
I have good news. There's a new app available for download. It's called gUber.

by kaufman
2:00 PM: Takeoff ifrom Kathmandu
1:45 PM: Flying over Afghanistan
1:15 PM: Ready to land in Baghdad
Don't you love these Concordes?
Yeah, but not half as much as I dig weird time zones.

by kaufman, 2-07-17

by kaufman
Oh my god, I overslept. I've missed the Super Bowl!
Jesus, how'd that happen? Wait a minute ...
Just as I thought. Goddamned Brady lowered my Sleep Number 10 points.

by kaufman
So we're stuck here?
Sure looks it.
For all eternity?
For all eternity.
Who'd have thought those messages would actually come true?
Look, for the thousandth time, I'm sorry I said we should append "in bed" to our fortunes! I thought it would be funny.

by kaufman
Good night.
Sleet tied.
Don't let the bedbugs bite.

by kaufman
I saw you were busy this week, Grimmy.
You know it! The holiday season is always good for me, and this year's angst just adds to it.
But your taking both Carrie Fisher and her mother within a day of each other ... Don't you think that was going a bit too far?
Awww, come on, you know I can't resist a bargain. And this year's Christmas deals were simply spectacular!
Christmas deals?
Sure. Their family had a "die one, get one free" sale.

by kaufman
With earth heating up and everything, something had to be done.
And then I remembered that old movie where a guy plays chess with Death.
So I challenged a personification of Global Warming to a game, winner take all.
Little did he know, I was a Grandmaster. After 20 moves I was up a knight and a pawn. I had him on the ropes.
So what the heck happened?
He just grinned, and next thing I know, there were puddles of liquid plastic where all my pieces had been.

by kaufman
I have your prayer summary for the day. At #3, 200 million people want Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton to choke on each other's vomit. At #2, 1.4 billion want peace in the Middle East.
Hmmmm ... that one finally got knocked from the top spot. What in the world beat it?
Apparently, this is becoming a bigger crisis. 2.3 billion prayed for an end to global warming.
I think I can take care of that one for them. I'll just turn off the sun.

by kaufman
10,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,003
10,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,002
10,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,001
For crying out loud, Sergei, it doesn't really matter. Just name the company after the next number you say.

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