people itsclark is following

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latest comics from people itsclark is following

So there I was, campaigning my little heart out, on my soapbox in the middle of the High Street
And out of nowhere, this policeman just grabs me, cuffs me, and throws me into the back of his van.
Apparently, even if you're a politician, the laws on Indecent Exposure still apply

So can I count on your vote for the "Not getting ****d in the ass by an 3ft Metallic Phallus" party?
Got my vote
I always liked your policies
Ive been onboard since the start
Im a floating voter, I need some convincing.

I am Glaswegian. I have a 3 word Username.
But in true Samuel L Jackson style, I have something I need to tell you all.
I am not Kramer Versus Kramer.

Whilst the zombie's fight to get in ...
Why do they want me? Im a robot, I have nothing edible on my person.
And im ethereal. They'll walk right through me consistently without being able to touch me.
Hang on. Is it possible that HE exists? That the myths are true?
Those are fairytales, told by humans to scare their children.
Oh Shit ....... ITS HIM!
There's no mistaking that mechanical extendable phallus.

"We have decided to withhold payment on your recent donation to the sperm bank"
What? Thats ridiculous.
I can almost see why they rejected it. We did go out on a limb for this one.
Im a 9yr old evil genius. I cant make sperm yet, but that combination of river water and mouldy playdough was a perfect match.
"Of the 23 recipients, 19 have died, 3 are in a coma, and one has a yeast infection that resembles Godzilla"
I guess its time to whip up another batch then.

Listen, was it the explosive flatulence?
The dead hookers in the bathtub?
The fact that I'm a Liberal?
That's the one.

And so that concludes our tour of "Wirthling Incorporated". Does anyone have any questions?
What happens when your wife finds out you're a floating head with no genitals?
She does what shes always done. Fucks the neighbours.

by crabby
Excuse me, excuse me ma'am!
I'm a young boy.
Ma'am, have you ever felt like where you're going is exactly where you want, but at the same time you wonder if it's really what your soul needs or if you're doing it just because it's logically next?
I am mean, what if I opened my own antique store tomorrow? I could sell souls in jars. Would you buy a soul ma'am? Can I interest you in a soul?

by crabby
I don't know, man. You told me these were quality drugs. It's been 45 minutes. I don't feel a thing.
It's been 2 hours and I never even came into the house with you. I had to go see my Aunt give birth to her 5th child.
It has been 2 hours. I came into this room specifically to check my collection of Judy Blume books to check that quote on that thing... But what was that thing?
You think just because I have pants I have all the answers?
This is not where I want to be, but how can being be not what I am? I'm not in 25 different places I'm here, but what if here has 32 meanings?

Well the Tricorder readings confirm it, his death was caused by severe titanium poisoning affecting the liver and lungs.
There are only two types of creature that can cause this. The Gastronian Snarg, and the Kryocerian Flagbuggle.
Ill get these samples to sick bay for analysis/
Listen, Joe, I know your wife died, but this is probably not the best way for you to deal with it, you being a coroner and all.

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