people ivytheplant is following

AccentuateNegative, andydougan, arbi, areallystupidguy, AtheistDiary, attitudechicka, BigEvilDan, biped, Blue666phoenix, BobRogers, boloboffin, boorite, Chi_The_Cynic, choadwarrior, cock, CowTipper, cpausti, Cre8tive13, DexX, DragonXero, evil_d, finn34, Freako, ftc, gabe_billings, Halcyon, Hatrix, HCRoyall, HotRodDeathToll, Humpenstein, JamesSchlong, jes_lawson, Kaddar, kaufman, KungChiFu, ladyjdotnet, leildavid, little_kitty, LuckyGuess, Matchbook_Romance, MikeyG, mmyers, niteowl, pisces, Ranger77, RedfeatheR, SilverPhoenix, Spankling, TheGovernor, themushroom, THESANDWICH, The_young_scot, thochaos, umfumdisi, UnknownEric, Zimri


latest comics from people ivytheplant is following

Just so you know, since the last time we were together, I was diagnosed with HIV.
Are you taking your meds?
Yeah, and I'm undetectible.
I'm on PrEP and if we use protection with your undetectible status, there is a nearly zero chance of transmission.
Cool. Now if I could just get over this cold I'm fighting.
Get away.

by choadwarrior
4-09-19
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RAPUNZEL! RAPAUNZEL! LET DOWN YOUR HAIR!
Uhhhh I'd like to, but summer is coming up, so I just got it bobbed.
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DO YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE A CVS RECIEPT?

by choadwarrior
4-02-19
Aaaaaand she's...
buuuuuuyyyying a....
wheelchair accessible ramp and Rascal scooter fully paid for by Medicare..... to Heaven.

by evil_d
4-01-19
That teacup ride really tuckered me out, so I'd like to rent Cinderella's Castle for the night.
Uh... we do have a guest room in there, but we usually reserve it for special cases, like Make-A-Wish kids.
They'll be happy to make room for their president, if they're Americans, and if they're not, deport them. And send Cinderella up. Tell her I pay $130,000 a night.
How can any place that doesn't let rich people do whatever they want be the "Happiest Place on Earth"?

by choadwarrior
3-29-19
Can you take care of my boys this weekend?
I've never had a teenager in my house before.
It'll be easy.
What do I feed them?
Wi-fi and a consequence-free life.
So my booze is safe.

by kaufman
3-28-19
Welcome to Disney World, the HAPPYest place on earth. We're proud to have you here, Ted.
Wait a minute, that's my line.
Huh?
I'm Walt Disney, and you're Ted Williams. And I'd like to welcome YOU here.
Oh, sorry, Walt. Brain freeze, I guess.

by evil_d
3-25-19
You can repaint your house, but the new color has to be identical to the old one.
But nobody's made "Nixon Chartreuse" since the '70s. The closest I can find nowadays is "Trump Orange".
Yeah, that's identical enough.
You don't know what one of those words means.

by evil_d
3-25-19
I'd like to beautify my house by painting it.
Oh, no, you can't do that. It's already the correct color.
I see. And what if the paint were to become damaged?
Oh, then you'd have to beautify it, for sure. By painting it the exact same color.
You seem like the kind of person who listens to "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and thinks "A little rhinoplasty would clear this problem right up."
Don't be silly. He should just paint his nose the correct color.

by arbi
3-07-19
i need to start making these again
i am not doing well
i spend the day in bed
which looks more like this

by evil_d
3-05-19
I have a number of complaints about my meal. For starters, the "guacamole" I ordered was just a whole, overripe avocado.
Ah, yes, I'm afraid our chef quit while he was in the middle of making it.
It was also thrown at my head instead of being carried to my table.
Yes, I believe the waiter also quit on his way out of the kitchen.
And another one of your staff loudly called me a "crack *****".
Okay, you got me. This isn't a restaurant; it's the alley behind 7-11 and you're in the middle of a bum fight.

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