All comics by kathykoehn

 

by kathykoehn
11-03-09
So how about that public option?
It's only public if you can afford it. right?
I didn't think that this was a third world country though.
It's not. It's a money hungry beast.
Well, he won't have to worry about insurance premiums or prescriptions any more.
I guess that makes the stiff the lucky one.

 

by kathykoehn
11-03-09
Have you heard that I am retiring?
No. What will you do then?
They want me to be Chairman of the Board. I will get all my benefits, too.
I suppose there will be no bonuses for us peons.
Of course not. The Board members are getting bonuses, too.
Excuse me whle I jump off the building!

 

by kathykoehn
11-03-09
But I don't want to go out with you.
Not even if your raise depends upon it?
What does going out with you have to do with my raise?
I'm your boss.
Isn't that sexual harrassment?
No, it's just a performance review!

 

by kathykoehn
11-03-09
What makes you think you can vote?
Because the Constitution says I can.
If you enter that polling place, you will be hung from the nearest tree.
Why do you hate me so?
Because you are a n***** and don't deserve to live.
I may be black, but my soul is whiter than that sheet!

 

by kathykoehn
11-03-09
So, Dr. Kevorkian, can you pur me out of my misery?
No, but I can show you what to do and help you do it.
But isn't assisted suicide against the law?
No one has to know that I helped you.
Well, Dr. K., are you ready to go?
Can I go to the white collar prison? The food is better there.

 

by kathykoehn
11-05-09
We're getting reports of e-coli in some of our meat products.
Are you sure?
Yes. We have tested some of the batches and people are dying like flies. Are you going to issue a recall?
Of course not. They're not cooking the meat long enough. And besides, we would lose too much money.
If the word gets out, we could all be in real trouble.
I won't. Today is my last day. I'm moving to the Bahamas.

 

by kathykoehn
11-05-09
Do you believe in capital punishment?
Sure. I get the bad ones sooner.
What about the lifers?
I still get 'em. Just have to wait longer.
What if someone gets relligion while he's in there?
Oh well. Score one for you! I still get most of 'em.

 

by kathykoehn
11-06-09
So, Dr. Kevorkian, can you put me out of my misery?
No, but I can show you what to do and how to do it.
But if you help me, isn't assisted suicide against the law?
No one has to know that I helped you.
Well, Dr. K., are you ready to go?
Can I go to the white collar prison? There will be more prospective clients and the food is better there!

 

by kathykoehn
11-06-09
Have you heard that I am retiring?
No. What will you do then?
They have elected me Chairman of the Board. I will get all my benefits, too.
I suppose there will be no bonuses for us peons.
Of course not. Only Board members are getting bonuses.
Excuse me while I jump off the building.

 

by kathykoehn
11-06-09
We're getting reports of E-coli in some of our meat products.
Are you sure?
Yes. We have tested some of the batches and people are dying like flies. Are you going to issue a recall?
Of course not. It's not our problem if they don't cook the meat long enough. And besides, we would lose too much money.
If word gets out, we could all be in real trouble.
Not me. Today is my last day. I'm moving to the Bahamas.

 

by kathykoehn
11-06-09
It's tough now that farmers are getting paid not to grow crops.
Yeah, lots of us are out of work.
It's seasonal, we work hard, and the wages are not that great.
But working is better than not working.
It's hard to find steady and secure work, and bosses who appreciate us.
"When they need us they call us migrants, and when we've picked their crop, we're bums and we got to get out."

 

by kathykoehn
11-07-09
"...shall not be denied...on account of race, color, or previous condition of servitude."
What makes you think you can vote?
Because the Constitution says I can.
"All men are created equal..."
If you try to enter the polling place, I'll kill you!
Why do you hate me so?
"...Life. liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."
You are a n*****. You don't deserve to live.
Your soul is blacker than my skin, and my soul is whiter than that sheet.

 

by kathykoehn
11-07-09
GOING POSTAL
I hate the Post office and everyone here!
I always thought you were a nice guy.
GOING POSTAL
I was fired for no reason.
It might have been your attitude.
GOING POSTAL
...and I didn't even get paid.
Here's your last check. It was returned for insufficient postage!

 

by kathykoehn
11-07-09
SO MUCH COOLER
Why do you spend so much time on the computer? Are you that busy?
I met this really nice girl. She's fun to talk to.
ON LINE...
On company time? I won't tell, but what do you do with her?
You'd be surprised!
BUT NOT IN PERSON
What happened to you?
I met her. I guess I'm better on line!

 

by kathykoehn
1-14-10
I can't believe dad is gone.
What will we do without him?
I guess we'll get along somehow.
But we don't have jobs and we'll have to quit school.
At least we have a place to live
How much money do you think he left us?

 

by kathykoehn
1-14-10
I hear we seniors are getting another stimulus payment this year.
Yeah, the government is giving us back a tiny bit of our own money. By spending it, we stimulate the economy.
I'm using mine to purchase one of those big screen hi-def TV sets.
Great. You'll stimulate the economy of Asia.
Well, how can I help to stimulate the American economy?
"The best way is to go to a ball game with a prostitute you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day until you're drunk enough to go get tattooed!"

 

by kathykoehn
1-16-10
The Present
"The German nation in its essence and greatness...is the subject of the teaching of history."
"...only the important events...should be portrayed in history lessons."
The Future
The teaching of history must come from the vital faith of the National Socialist Movement.
The young people can look forward to what is coming full of confidence.
The Past
But what about the Holocaust?
"The powerless and insignificant have no history."

 

by kathykoehn
1-23-10
The airlines have raised the fees for checked bags again!
I don't have to worry about that. I don't take any baggage when I fly.
Do you wear the same clothes all week?
Why? Do I stink? Nooooo. When I get to my destination, I get new clothes, and when I leave I give everything to the Goodwill and get a donation receipt.
Cool. You save money and get a tax deduction.
Yeah, just doing my small part. Maybe the CEO won't get such a big bonus this year!

 

by kathykoehn
1-26-10
Remember when we beat Germany and Japan in World War II?
That's when our factories began to flourish.
Then we rebuilt their countries.
And the U.S. became the leading auto maker.
Now they are taking over the automotive business.
I guess they are getting their revenge. Makes you wonder who really won World War II!

 

by kathykoehn
1-26-10
We Wall Street bankers are sorry our risky behavior caused the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression...
But it seemed appropriate at the time.
Our companies received more than $100 billion in taxpayer assistance to weather the crisis.
We are correcting some compensation practices that could lead to excessive risk-taking.
We will continue to pay people in a "responsible and disciplined manner" to attract and retain top talent.
Yippee! I'm gonna get more big bonus bucks!

 

by kathykoehn
2-02-10
Is it always best to be honest?
See my new dress? Do you like it?
It looks wonderful on you!
Not if the truth would hurt.
Do you realy like it?
It makes you look thin.
Tactfulness is better.
You can borrow it some time if you want to.
It's the ugliest thing I ever saw! I wouldn't be caught dead in that dress.

 

by kathykoehn
2-03-10
General George Crook said, "Our treatment of the Indians is an outrage."
He also said, "It would not be very long begore we would have you all [the Indians] killed off, and then the government would have no more trouble with you."
General Philip Sheridan said, "We took away their country and their means of support, and it was for this and against this they made war. Could anyone expect less?"
But he also said, "The only good Indians I ever saw were dead."
I guess they both spoke with fork-ed tongues!

 

by kathykoehn
2-03-10
General George Crook said, "Our treatment of the Indians is an outrage."
He also said, "It would not be very long before we would have you all [the Indians] killed off, and then the government would have no more trouble with you."
General Philip Sheridan said, "We took away their country and their means of support, and it was for this and against this they made war. Could anyone expect less?"
But he also said, "The only good Indians I ever saw were dead."
I guess they both spoke with fork-ed tongues!

 

by kathykoehn
2-23-10
I understand that factory work is the hardest work a person can do.
Yes, but the pay and benefits are great.
Don't you worry about getting laid off?
I worry about NOT getting laid off. I pray that we will get laid off!
Why?
Because we get 90% of our wages, keep our benefits and still collect unemployment. It beats the hell out of slaving in the factory!

 

by kathykoehn
2-23-10
I guess you will be out of a job soon.
Why is that?
We robots are replacing the workers on your line.
What will I do then?
Look for another job or go on welfare. The top brass doesn't care. They only think about the bottom line.
They can take this job and shove it! And they can send my gold watch to my condo in the Bahamas.

 

by kathykoehn
3-27-10
Politics Make Strange Bedfellows
Bill: I did not have sex with that woman.
Hillary: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
Politics Make Strange Bedfellows
Bill: Why?
I'm using you to get what I want. I want to be the President!
Politics Make Strange Bedfellows
You don't have a chance without me.
You're already a has-been, and after I'm elected you will cease to exist!

 

by kathykoehn
3-27-10
Politics Makes Strange Bedfellows
Bill: I did not have sex with that woman.
Hillary: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
Politics Makes Strange Bedfellows
Bill: Why?
Hillary: I'm using you to get what I want. I want to be the President!
Politics Makes Strange Bedfellows
Bill: You don't have a chance without me.
Hillary: You're already a has-been, and after I'm elected, you will cease to exist!

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