people kramer_vs_kramer is following

allenhenderson, boorite, crabby, ObiJo, TEDA

latest comics from people kramer_vs_kramer is following

by crabby, 1-29-16

by crabby
You don't love me. Do you ice statue man? You don't care at all. You aren't even real.
Fuck you ice statue man. I'm going to drill a hole where your ice anus should be and **** you like the ***** you are, ****. I'm going to just **** you and cum in your ice cavities until you melt away.

by crabby
I've spent all day carving this ice statue of my ideal man. He's rough and rugged, but also aloof. He cares about family, but he has his own thoughts.
Most importantly. He loves me and I love him. Tell me you love me ice statue man. Tell me what I need to hear...

by crabby
Sir, I'm afraid I've met a new woman and I've caught the most long term STD possible. I'm going to need a week off from work.
A week? Just because you knocked up a woman? I'll let you leave an hour early tomorrow to take care of the abortion, but I expect you in normal time Wednesday.
No, it's not that sir! I'm in love!
WELL KISS MY GRITS! Take two weeks!

by crabby
So, you ever work in an office before?
Nah, I was a gym teacher for 42 years. School cut gym to save money.
No kidding, I was a gym teacher for 56 years. I lost everything in the mortgage crash back in 2007.
My grandmother died in 2007. She was 104 years old. She owned several properties we didn't even know about in California and Oregon. We inherited millions in real estate.
Did you lose everything?
We sold it all to Heath Ledger for a really nice large sum 14 months before he killed himself.

by crabby
First of all I'd like to thank you for meeting me in the parking lot this afternoon. You understand that the position we have to fill is that of a janiator.
Yup. I'm a janitor.
Great, that's just what we're looking for. Do you have any formal training or schooling. How do you keep up with the latest advancements in janitorial work?
Well, I'm a janitor.
I'd like to say, I appreciate your candor. I have three more people to interview, but right now, you're my front runner. I'm not supposed to say that. I'm really not. Expect an offer sheet today.
Proud to be your janitor.

by crabby
This just isn't how I imagined my life. I'm financially stable, I have a beautiful and loving family. I make my own cheese.
Why aren't I happier? Why don't I have any sense of fulfillment. Is this life? Is this all there is? What do I have to do?
I just don't know what my problem is.

by crabby
Hey Dave, funny seeing you down in the basement where you put me to handle my tasks.
This is day 80 of my 90 day evaluation period. I just want you to know that I will have to formally reject full employment. I have found another position and would like to consider this my two weeks.
I appreicate your transparency in this issue. Would you mind coming to my office to discuss a few matters. I highly value your opinion on the workplace and would love to get your thoughts.
So tell me the truth, are you quitting because you think I'm ugly?
No! I'm quitting because... I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!

by crabby
Well Dean, these are the cubes you'll be working in. You'll find that every two weeks you switch to a new cube.
Hey, I don't mind moving at all. I'm an easy going kinda bot.
Hahaha... That's great. Your performance will be evaluated based not only on how well you perform your tasks, but also how will you do in each cube.
I'm programmed to evaluate for 38,000,001 defects per week regardless of my location.
I'd like to remind you that we use a full 90 day review policy before we decided whether or not we will be bringing you on full time. Just so we're on the same page.
I was designed specifically for this location and task. My goals were programmed to be exactly what was necessary.

by crabby
I know I'm the new guy at the office, but that company mission statement is a real kick in the pants if you ask me.
How so?
It states and I quote, "We as an employer put every employee in a position to meet their full potential" that doesn't offend you?
Why would it offend me? It's just a stupid mission statement.
Just a stupid mission statement? You've been here way too long buddy. I want an employer who will work to help me EXCEED my potential! That's what I want from an employer.
All I want from an employer is to be paid and left alone.

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