people kramer_vs_kramer is following

allenhenderson, boorite, crabby, ObiJo, TEDA


latest comics from people kramer_vs_kramer is following

page 3

by crabby
7-08-19
What are you doing here, Pete? I haven't seen you in almost 30 years.
Ma says you're selling the restaurant?
So that's it huh? You come back from Pittsburgh like some sort of hot shot to throw your weight around? Ma is seriously in debt. We need to sell the restaurant and put the money toward debt.
That was our father's restaurant you heartless son of a *****!
Do you want to buy nthe restaurant or not? Huh? You Pittsburgh hero. Pony up if you want to be a big man. DO YOU WANT IT OR NOT?
You know what, I will buy the restaurant.

by crabby
7-08-19
You look terrible. What happened? You've been looking really healthy lately, but you look absolutely awful compared to when I saw you two months ago.
I had been really taking care of myself for the past 18 months or so and then out of nowhere I started feeling too thin. I was worried that I couldn't gain weight. I was scared it might be cancer.
Did you visit a doctor? Is everything ok?
I didn't go to a doctor. I just started eating like **** and drinking heavily again.
And are you feeling better?
I've never felt worse, but the good news is I've gained 16 pounds. I might feel like ****, but at least it's not cancer!

by crabby
7-08-19
It wasn't my proudest weekend. I've been reluctant to admit it in the past, but I think it's time I finally admit the truth. I have an alcohol problem.
Did you **** your pants again?
No! There are just large chunks of the weekend that I don't remember at all. I returned books to the library. I ate five chicken sausages. I grilled chicken sausages.
But did you **** yourself?
No! I'm just worried that I have a problem that I can't control like I thought I could. I'm scared.
I'm scared you're about to **** your pants right now.

by crabby
7-01-19
I hope you're able to make it to my birthday party this weekend. Should be a lot of fun. Everybody from the office is coming. I have the party every year. Everyone always has a great time.
Sure. I'll be there. Is there anything I can bring?
Don't forget to bring your $250 entrance fee. That will cover all your food, unlimited trips to the petting zoo, admission to the Levi Blue Jeans Pinata Party, and a tip for the cleaning crew.
And how much if I don't want to participate in all of that?
Well, if you don't want to participate you can either stay home or go straight to Hell. Your pick.
See you in Hell, Gary.

by crabby
7-01-19
I saw Undertaker on TV last night. I was just flipping through the channels and he was on TV talking about, "The rich and creamy stench of the underbelly of the under utilized... REST IN PEACE"
You just happened to see Undertaker, huh bro?
Well, I use the Undertaker App. It sends me a text whenever the Undertaker appears on Television.
What's the name of that app?
The Undertaker App. It lets you know when Undertaker is on television.
I gotta get that app.

by crabby
6-29-19
It's nice we were able to find time to finally hang out. I feel like it's been forever. What have you been up to?
You know how it is. Work, kids, wife. You know how it is. Just living life.
Yeah. I hear ya. Let me buy you a beer.
Sorry, but no drinking for me. It's a Thursday night and Sheila doesn't like me drinking on a week night. Says it sets a bad example for the boys.
Yeah. I hear ya. Cheryl said I had to be home by 8:30 before the girls go to bed. Says that if I'm not there for bed time that I'm teaching them to accept male abandonement.
Yeah. I should get going. It was great seeing you again.

by crabby
6-19-19
Wow. Already celebrating your one year anniversary. It's crazy how time just flies by when you're hard at work.
I've enjoyed my first year with the company. The work has been fulfilling and I really enjoy my coworkers.
Great. That's great. Anything else you'd like to share before we get into your review?
Not that I can think of right now. I've just really enjoyed working here.
Ok, I think you're doing awful and you're truly lucky to still be employed here. I'd fire you, but I'd rather not do the paper work. We're going to give you a 2.5% raise. Keep up the good work.
That's not what I was expecting at all.

by crabby
6-19-19
Excuse me ma'am, but my security cameras caught one of your kids going through my backyard and stealing my tomato plants. I don't want to call the police, but I would like some restitution.
Oh dear. Could you tell which of my children it was? Was it Evan, Evan, Evan, Evan, Evan, Evan, Evan, or Evan?
I believe it was Evan, but you can check the cameras for yourself just to be sure.
I'm sorry this happened. I'd just like to be completely sure which child would do something so terrible.
Several minutes later after reviewing the tapes.
So which of your boys was it?
It was Carter.

by crabby
6-17-19
Have you seen my socks?
Have you checked your feet?
Wow! I don't know what I'd do without you babe.
I hate this planet.

by crabby
6-17-19
So I got Mom and Dad tickets to Medieval Times for their anniversary. If you could just chip $450 to cover your half then we can say it's from the both of us.
A night at Medival Times does not cost $450 for two people.
Oh! Well, I had a groupon.
Oh ok. That makes sense.
So yeah, you can give me cash or Cash App me or Pay Pal, but I won't take a check. Not after last time.
I just don't want to pay to have the corpses of my parents hauled off to a night at Medieval Times. They've been dead for 35 years, Karl. Move on.

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