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Makin_d_bacon


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by Makin_d_bacon
11-14-18
So Maura, your sister Jael wants to work in our nursery?
Yes Father, but she has a past! She used to be a hooker!
Oh I'm sure she'll be fine with the wee little ones. She only needs to change diapers and tell em' stories. Can she do that?
Sure! It sounds easy enough. She loves poetry.
Alas, Jael's version of poetry was......
Ever hear this one? "There once was a man from Nantucket...". No? Well then how about this one..."Whilst he was stickin' a **** in me Doc, the cum ran down his ****...." Still NO?
WTF?

by Makin_d_bacon
11-14-18
Amazon Fulfillment Cnt.: Mississippi
Crap, you foreman are workin' our asses off here for crummy pay!
Is that complaining I hear? That's three demerits!
I asked for a rest-room break 2 hours ago! Now I've done **** in me BVDs!
Unsatisfactory hygiene! That'll be twenty demerits!
Ok. Ok, I'll go back to work but I hope ya choke on the stink!
That's blatant insubordination! You're fired! I got 1000 people lookin' to work 60 hrs. a week for YOUR $400.00.

by Makin_d_bacon
11-14-18
So, Mr. Bezos, New York gets the 2nd Amazon HQ, eh?
Yup! I sure played all those other podunk cities like a fiddle, didn't I?
But now New York is gonna have to raise taxes.
A drop in the bucket, Ben. A drop in the bucket!
It comes to $48k a year, per resident.
Like I said...a drop in the bucket! You deaf or somethin'?

by Makin_d_bacon
11-13-18
Production Meeting for...MST3K
Alright guys we gotta get ready for the Holidays.
Let's do something special!
What about doing the worst Christmas movie ever made?
You mean...? Say no more. We'll make contact!
Those *******s from MST3K want the rights to our 1964 fiilm. Think we can get Santa to agree to ask for one million bucks?
Screw HIM! YOU do the talkin', and make it two!

by Makin_d_bacon
11-13-18
Many, many years ago......
So, have you ever given any thought to what you're gonna be when you grow up?
I'm gonna create Super Heroes!
You mean in "Comic Books"? I bet ya that'll never catch on!
You just wait and see. My name will be known every place one day!
Ya know our boy sure has got high hopes!
Why? What did little Stanley say THIS time?

It's Veteran's Day! How ya wanna celebrate?
Let's kill a bunch of guys in Third World countries! Hoo-rah?
by Makin_d_bacon, 11-12-18

by Makin_d_bacon
11-12-18
I like this idea of being a poll worker. Easy money, ya know?
I agree! I must ask you tho, aren't you BLIND?
So what? I can still count! How hard can it be?
But how will you tell what folks choose?
Aw, ****! I KNEW there had to be a catch to it.
You stupid jungle bunny! You mud people shouldn't even be allowed to get near a voting booth! It's got so bad we white folk can't even call you jig-a-boos the N word anymore!

by Makin_d_bacon
11-11-18
Oh no!
Not HIM again! Please leave, please, please, please...
Whew! Guys reading books on "Necromancy" always make me skittish!

by Makin_d_bacon
11-11-18
...meet in a club!
THERE you guys are! I wasn't sure you'd come.
A JEW? Not a JEW! Allah will curse me with a thousand lashes. Not to mention cutting back my virgin supply!
You shouldn't be surprised he's a Jew.....
And why is THAT, you sychophant to Christ?
Oy vey! I mean...this IS a comedy club, ya know! It's a "legacy" thing!

by Makin_d_bacon
11-11-18
As fire runs rampant in Malibu, Calif.
You betcha, Mr. Pitt! That's one of the finest properties available here in Malibu!
I'm gonna turn around and imagine what my Southern view would be...
Uh...NO! Um, don't bother Brad. The only parcels available are over that way! NO! WAIT!
Holy SHIT! What the hell...?
...deals still get made!
Ugh...cough...yuk!
Look at it this way...You'd be able to film "World War Z: Redux" from your patio!

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