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evil_d


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by evil_d
11-15-17
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by evil_d
11-10-17
My fantasy football league is going great this year!
Oh yeah? What's happened?
Well, last weekend I picked up A.J. Green...
Nice!
Then I took him home and we ****ed.

by evil_d
11-10-17
Verily, I didst loft the ball in a forward direction, and it travelled over half a score of yards.
'Tis so, yet my sorcerous portal didst capture that ball, and transport it two score yards abaft, where it didst strike the earth. 'Tis fourth down.
'Twould be so, had not my goblinback retrieved the ball upon its bounce, and sped with all haste towards yon end zone, in yards covering nearly three score.
Which base trickery ought to have been observed, and denounced forthwith as knavery. Forsooth, is ye olde ref blind?
Nay.

by evil_d
10-25-17
Sally says she doesn't want to date me, but with this voodoo doll I can convince her otherwise....
I had the weirdest dream last night.
Oh?
Yeah... I dreamed I was having awful sex with some ugly schmuck.

by evil_d
10-22-17
Are those needle marks on your arms? Don't think I don't know what that means, young lady!!
Calm down, mom! They're from giving blood!
Oh. Well... that's good then. I'm proud of you.
Just a couple more pints and we'll have enough to summon Yo'phuthogugl.
I hope he eats my ***** mom first.

by evil_d
10-09-17
Hello, Ms. West, this is your gynecologist's office calling.
You've been postponing your appointment for a while, but it's very important.
I'm afraid we must go down and see you sometime.

by evil_d
9-28-17
Please don't be alarmed. We merely need to run a few tests to update our data on your species.
Are you going to use one of those anal probes on me?
Oh heavens no. Those are old technology.
Oh, thank god.
These urethral probes are much more sophisticated.

by evil_d
9-18-17
It's not fair for me to be treated differently just because I'm white.
Okay.

by evil_d
9-14-17
I don't know where I went wrong with you, son. You're fat, lazy, and unemployed. You've spent the last 3 days smoking pot and watching TV non-stop. What are you even doing with your life?
Proving white supremacists wrong.
Carry on, then.

by evil_d
9-13-17
Look, I didn't ask for white people to be naturally more intelligent.
I'm just saying, since we are, it only makes sense for our society to be organized accordingly.
Let me ask you, what all are you doing with your naturally superior intelligence?
Yesterday I solved the New York Times crossword puzzle in 30 minutes.
Thursdays are for chumps. Call me back when you can solve a Saturday.

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