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Externalization, mmyers


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by mmyers
11-13-08
I just got my 6 month review after my 10th month of being here.
What'd it say?
She said I needed to make more responsibility.
And what'd you say?
I told her I was responsible for gas being expensive, the war, and the Nutty Professor movies. I figure that's a pretty fair amount of responsibility.

by Externalization
11-02-08
I'm talking about the hope of a future based on freedom and equality in a clean, healthy environment.
I'm talking about secure borders and an economic plan that doesn't reek of socialism.
Are you really a shill for the greedy robber barons who control the world's wealth, or are you just afraid to elect anyone but another rich old white man?
Are you really a tree-hugging Commie, or are you just trying to elect the first African-American president?
Are they having that same old debate again?
Yup. Cynthia McKinney versus Ron Paul.

by Externalization
11-01-08
Remember, kids, if you go trick or treating, the candy you receive will be full of needles, razor blades, and poison!
Why must you terrorize them by perpetuating these ridiculous concocted urban legends? There's nothing deadly hidden in halloween candy.
Unless you count modified corn starch, high fructose corn syrup, monosodium glutamate, ascorbic acid...
... propyl gallate, acesulfame-k, blue 1, blue 2, yellow 6, butylated hydroxyanisole, butylated hydroxytoluene...

by mmyers
10-28-08
I thought you said our lemonade stand would be swamped with business.
It should be. I don't get it.
I think it's the sign. It's bothering people.
Adults love it when kids misspell things on signs. They think it's cute.
"Cunt-ry Timə Ləmon-AIDs 25ยข"
Maybe it's just getting too cold for lemonade.

by Externalization
10-25-08
How can you not care about this match? Don't you understand that if you don't support the hero, you're helping the villain?
There are no "heroes" or "villains." This "feud" you're so caught up in was designed to elicit an emotional reaction from you rather than an intellectual response.
He's fighting for you and you don't even appreciate it.
They're both "fighting" for a paycheck. The only real winners are the venue owners, ticket agencies, and advertisers.
Embrace change!
Country first!

by mmyers
10-23-08
Go to school, Joel. Learn something.
Dat's-a Rebecca de Mornay.
My nose pores are clogged. I could really use one of those strips that cleans them out.
Dat's-a nasal strip by Biore'.
I'm gonna eat ya!
Dat's-a Moray...eel.

by mmyers
10-23-08
So let me get this straight, I blow myself up and I go to Heaven and get a bunch of virgins?
Um, not quite. You get $300 in Allah Fun Bucks.
And what good will that do me?
There are all sorts of prizes you can get with Allah Fun Bucks. Just blow yourself up, you'll see.
Later, in Heaven...
I'll take the plastic spider ring...and the Rubix cube...and...oh man, I wish I could buy the clock radio.
Hey, if you're lucky, I'll reincarnate you and you'll get to blow yourself up again. Then maybe you can get that guitar on the wall.

by Externalization
10-18-08
I'm a crack addict. I can't get through the day without a fix. Smoking crack gives me the drive to accomplish my goals.
Not that I advocate smoking crack, of course. Just say "no."
I was molested as a child. Rather than let it ruin my life, I found strength in my pain. I've consequently dedicated my life to helping others and making the world a better place.
Not that this justifies pedophilia, of course. No one should ever harm a child like that.
I was born into a religious family and raised to believe as my ancestors did. My faith in God is a light which carries me through life and inspires me.
Therefore... you should believe in God, too.

by Externalization
10-17-08
How can you possibly support an idiotic, bigoted religious fanatic like Sarah Palin?
Oh, come on, just admit that she's hot!
Well yeah, I'm not saying I wouldn't do her...
... but I'd be thinking about Joe Biden the whole time.

by mmyers
10-17-08
Who the **** are you?
I'm your youthful charm and youthful good looks and youthful enthusiasm.
Where the **** have you been the last 8 years?
Well shucks, I got blunted by long work days, no vacations, psychotic girlfriends, and reality TV. But I'm back now and I'm ready to take up where we left off. Get back to our youth!
I'm drunk, aren't I?
Absolutely **** faced. Now let's try to **** a stripper and go get into a fist fight.

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