All comics by suicidalrat

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by suicidalrat
10-15-03
It all started with one man's dream, to become the best waffle maker this side of The House of Pancakes. What happened was, he turned into a computer operator!!!!!
Hi, my name is Hank, I'm a computer tech, I reboot servers with my forehead!
I'm Hank's boss, Mr. Dewezel!!
I guess I should have stayed in school, maybe I could have become something, like my brother, Spanky here.
I'm the winner in this family!! BUWAAAAHHAAAAA!!!!!
...And so begins the adventure of Hank, The Computer Tech.
May I take your order please!!!!

 

by suicidalrat
10-15-03
Hi, I'm Hank's girlfriend, well, okay, he pays me to sleep with him, I guess that would make me his hooker. Anyways, I just want to say, that computer operators are the best in bed........
...Yep, Hank is really hot and on fire when we, you know, go crazy downtown, uptown and all around town. He can "reboot" my servers any time of the day, mmmm hmmmm, he's one hot piece of meat........
..actually, Hank paid me to say all that, you know, so he'd get some from, from people other than his illegimate sister, anyways, I got a trick to do, so buhbye!!!
Just read the script sis, just read the script!!!!!

 

by suicidalrat
10-15-03
ONE DAY AT COMPUTER TECHS R US......
I need file restored, me forget what file! You do it Network Admin!!!
Okay, do it right away, ladeeeeeedaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
I need...ouch....for you.....to....restore....a file....I think it's a database, Ms. Database Administrator!!!!
LaLaLaLaLa.....what did he just say? I wasn't paying attention.....oh well.....
Hi Hank, I need you to uh, create a whole new database package for a big, big client, needs to be done by tomorrow, buhbye......
I guess suicide is an option......

 

by suicidalrat
10-16-03
We join our hero as he recieves a letter from MTV87, the Music Tv channel that plays nothing but Yanni videos.
Oh man, I can't believe it, I'm going to be on the MTV87's hot new show, DATE A GEEK!! OH YEAH, I'M going to score, hot ladies, BODDABING!!!!
...Before taping......
HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT, FIRE AWAY!!! Yeah, who's the host?? I'M THE HOST!! This dude is totally into my ass!!! Oops, I mean, WHERE'S THE HOT LADIES!?!?!?!!?! I'm so hetero it hurts, oh yeah!!!!
Oh man, this is going to kick ass, I'm going to get some hot poony, get busy, do some nasty and then 10 minutes later, maybe program some hot web app!!! I'm so cool!!!
..WELCOME TO WHO WANTS TO POP A GEEK'S CHERRY, STARRING YOUR HOST, WINKIE MARTINDALE!!!!!!
Pop my what??

 

by suicidalrat
10-16-03
We find our daring hero, Hank the computer operator, on a dating show.
Okay, first our lucky "Geek" who comes all the way from downtown, lets give it up for Hank......tells us a little about yourself Hank.
Well, I'm a computer operator for a local evil corporation bent on taking over the world with their computer package, I like to write killer apps while I get it on with hot......
We know man, while you get it on with some hot gay Asian men!!!!
With what?????
Hey, lets introduce our first choice for the lucky and delicious, if I wasn't so hetero it hurts I'd do him, Hank!!!!!!
Hi Hank, I'm an alien turkey from Cleveland, yeah, Cleveland, chose me and I'll rock your world!!!

 

by suicidalrat
10-16-03
Hank, our grand and wonderous hero, got chosen to be plucked or something, on a music television dating show......
Okay Hank, you got to meet our first choice, what did you think???
Uh, please tell me this is all a bad dream!!! I think Wink's gay!!!!
....Contestant number two.....
I can tell you thought that the 1st contestant was TOASTY SMOKEY, But....there's two more for you to choose from, you lucky, sexy dog you!!!!! Contestant number two introduce yourself!!!
Hi Hank, I'm, uh, Philip, no wait, I'm Gina, and I'm not wearing any panties, mmmmmm, I want to uhm, stick my hot throbbing, no wait, I mean, I'm so horny for you big guy!!!!
..We'll be right back after this commercial break for Toasty Woasty Nugget Bites, with an iron filling baked into a crust of hard bread made from sawdust!!!! MMMMM MMMMMM Just like mama use to make!!!
I think in some states, this show would be cause for justifiable homicide.

 

by suicidalrat
10-16-03
Hank, still trapped in a dating show nightmare, gets to meet his third choice......
All right people, we're back and here's Hank's third and final choice, you thought the other two were super hot babes, wow, this last one is going to blow you away!!!
I want to blow something away.........
Hi, I'm Hank's right hand, I've been with Hank for awhile now, I don't think we've been on a date persay but we've been places, well, I TOUCH MYSELF, is the song that comes to mind to describe it!
Yes mother, I have been a bad boy, please kill me now, thank you!!!!
Oooooh, a good, hot lover there my even hotter sexier, totally delicious and eatable friend. Well, what's it going to be????
An enema sounds about like the right choice right now.......

 

by suicidalrat
10-16-03
The moment we have all been waiting for is about to happen, HANK'S BIG CHOICE!!!!!
All right Hank, the big moment is here, who will it be??? Number one, number two, or delicious and sassy number three????
Uh, Wink, I choice.....
Oh wait a second Hank, my director just told me, that the decision has been made for you, the audience has decided and its.....OH MY GOD!!! IT'S ME!!!
It's who??? OH GOD NO....NOT WINK! ANYBODY BUT WINK......
....later that night.....at Wink's house......
So my hot stud muffin was it good for you, or do you need some more, hot loving from the WinkieMeister????
Uh, no Winkie, I don't need anymore hotdogs, thank you, but you're right, this is a nice bench you have, I'm going home now! Goodbye!!!

 

by suicidalrat
10-16-03
Hank, our fearless computer operator, has decided to moonlight, working as a reporter for the critically acclaimed show, HOLLYWOOD INSIDER.
Hello, and welcome to another exciting episode of HOLLYWOOD INSIDER, tonight, we interview Marlon Brando's gay lover.
Oh the things I do for money! I'll just stand here and think about the kick ass machine I'll be able to buy with all that money!!!!
HEY! Wait, isn't that one of the Backstreet Boys??? I love those guys!! BYE! BYE! BYE!!!
Who said this show was critically acclaimed? Where are these critics? Maybe I should hunt them down and kill them like wild animals? Hmmmmm......
OH NO!! IT'S CAN'T BE, OOOOOOH IT IS, AXEL ROSE, I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABY!!!!!
Just keep thinking, KICK ASS MACHINE, KICK ASS MACHINE to play Donkey Kong on!!!!!!! Chicks dig guys on TV!!!

 

by suicidalrat
10-17-03
On a bright and sunny Monday morning, okay, okay, it's piss pouring rain.....
Man, the boss wants to talk to me, this is never good!!!!! Maybe we're going to get better chairs than these ole benches!!!!
YOU'VE GOT MAIL!!!!
Hey, you wanted to see me?
Yes, Hank, I've been hearing some good things about you, mostly about your wonderful attitude and all that, and my people talked to some other people, and well, we're transfering you immediately!
Have a nice day!

 

by suicidalrat
10-17-03
After years of duty to the cause of rebooting computers and installing games on the CEO's computer, Hank gets a BIG promotion.
Okay, this can't be good!!!!! Wonder where I am????
Hey man, are you the new toilet scrubber we ordered from Corporate, uh, Hank or something right?????
No, I'm a computer operator. I was "promoted"?
That's what they all say, follow me to the toilet, they're pretty backed up. Hey, if you ever need a fish, I'm the man to see. I'm the Company Fish Carrier.
"Heard good things"? Yeah, I'm the best toilet cleaner the company's got, that'll look good on the ole resume!!! What the hell is that thing clogging up the john???? And why does it have eyes??? EWWWW

 

by suicidalrat
10-17-03
As Hank the computer operator happily "cleans" up with his new promotion, he is covered in a toxic substance and transformed, into a super being........
Ooooo, I don't feel so good.....what's going on with the room!!!!!?????
He transforms into........
...Uh, Super Squirrel???????
Yeah, this will definitely look good on the old resume, TRANSFORMED INTO SUPER SQUIRREL, TO FIGHT AGAINST CORRUPT NUTS!!!
Who'll clean the toilets now??????

 

by suicidalrat
10-17-03
Hank gets sent back to Corporate.
Yes Hank, I heard some distrubing things about your transfer, that your attitude wasn't up to par with company standard. What do you have to say for yourself?
Well, lets see, first I was transfered down to clean toilets, while cleaning them, I ended up getting some toxic waste on me and transforming into a squirrel, a squirrel with a fetish for big nuts!!
Well, I guess you can have your old job back, everybody else we put in there went insane, became gay clowns.
Uhm, okay...this could be fun.
...And so, Hank continues to battle on, fighting the good fight, but no longer cleaning the toilets!!!!!
Well, glad the effects of that sledge were only temporary, I was starting to crave big nuts really bad, like rotten walnuts.
Hey Hank, glad you're back, like fer sure, the SQL server's on fire, can you take a look into that? Thanks, buhbye!!!!

 

by suicidalrat
10-22-03
Our hero of the PC age, Hank the Computer Operator, gets a chance to be on MTV89's new hit show, THE REAL WORLD..
Wow, another chance at being famous....maybe this time I'll score, with a chick, uh, hopefully!
GET BIGGER BREASTS IN THREE WEEKS OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!!!!
The first day of shooting.....the introductions of the cast
Hi, my name is Hank, I'm a computer operator!
My name is Hazel, I'm the pissed off witch in this show. I think I'm going to shove this broom up your ass to start things off!!!
Yeah, she wants me!!!
Where's the rest rooms, I think this dweeb just wet himself???

 

by suicidalrat
10-22-03
....We continue with the introduction of the cast.....
Eh? Eh?? Wha's going on? My name? My name is Eb, uh, I'm a chronic bed wetter, hello? Is this thing on?
Oh great and he's my bunk mate!!
Yo, I'm Renee, the peace chick in this series, DON'T EAT MEAT!!!!!!!!!
Wha you say? Don't beat the meat?? Why lady, when I was your age, I use to beat the meat more times than you can count!! You bet your sweet ass I did!! YEEEEEHAAAA!! Damn, I got to piddle!!!!
Remember folks, this is the kind of entertainment the networks think YOU want to watch.
WHOOOO! HANK, that's a big pile of elephant crap you're standing in.

 

by suicidalrat
10-22-03
We find our hero, Hank the Computer Operator, on his newest tv project, Real World......
Welcome to another exciting episode of The Real World in SomeCity. We take some oridinary people and one computer operator, put them in some run down rat trap and see how long they can last......
Wow, I bet this show's going to be very intelluctal, I mean, you got a cross dressing accountant, a Chinese war orphan and a gay computer operator, well, he says he's hetero, but please.....
Yes, you bet your sweet ass this is going to be MTV89's best hit show yet, right up there with YOU BET YOUR HORSE'S BALLS!!!!!
I wonder what ever happened to that horse?
He got sold to a dog food factory after his ratings went down. Anyways....ON WITH THE SHOW!!!!
Ooooooh, Hank the Computer Operator Dog Food...sounds yummy!!!!!

 

by suicidalrat
10-22-03
Another exciting episode of HANK THE COMPUTER OPERATOR MEETS THE REAL WORLD!!!!!
Hello Hank, I am your conscience, why did you leave your job as a computer operator to come on this show? Do you know right now, that your web server is on fire??? Do you care???
No. I'm going to be famous and people will like me, women will want to have my children!!!! BURN AS400! BURN UNIX SERVER! ALL BURN IN HELL!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
I can never go back to that lifestyle, I'm an actor now, I must do it for my fans, they need me now more than that SQL server which burns even now as I speak longly into the camera!!!!
Hey Hank, network just called, the show's been cancelled, Buhbye!!!!
Oh what a bitch Hollywood is, one day, you're famous, the next day, you're back to standing in elephant dung!!! Another fine addition to my resume!!!

 

by suicidalrat
10-22-03
Hank the Computer Operator has been kidnapped by rogue comic strip characters......
Hey kids, usually this strip stars Hank the Computer Operator, but we kidnapped him and tied him up and threw him in a closet!!!!
Yes, we are sadden by Hank the Computer Operator's lack of more diverse characters and issues and therefore we have decided to make a stand against these crimes!!!
I mean, what says, GOD BLESS THE USA, then a smoking butt!!!!???? Why doesn't Hank smoke in the strips?? Is he afraid to smoke??????
And why isn't Hank ever showed with girls other than his sister?? Is he gay??? The comic strip readers demand answers??? WHERE ARE THE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION LOCATED AT HANK?????
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?????
Uhm, I don't know!!!! Buhbye!!!

 

by suicidalrat
10-22-03
We find our hero, Hack the Computer Operator, trapped in a asylum for the criminally insane and computer operators.
Hello, my name is Hank, I'm a computer operator. Rogue comic strip characters threw me in here.
Hello, I'm a clown, thrown in here by rogue mimes. MIMES SUCK!!!
Man, wish there was some way out of here. I need to get back to my strip and my job!!!
HEY!! Look, somebody left the door open......
Man, how will I ever escape this nightmare??? I wonder where that clown went off too????

 

by suicidalrat
10-22-03
Hank, still trapped in an insane asylum, tries to figure a way to escape.
Well, here I am, stuck in some insane aslyum, with no way out, my only friend, a mad clown, somehow escaped. HOW THE HELL DO I EXPLAIN THIS TO THE BOSS???
Hello! My head hurts! You got any, HELLO GEEEEEEEEEEEE,you got any aspirin????
There has to be a way out of this nightmare, any way, but what can it be???
Oh well, I guess, OH OUCH THAT HURTS, I'll walk down to the store and get some aspirin, be back in a few.
Two weeks later, Hank discovers his way out......
....So I had to slide down an utility pole into a big pile of elephant dung and then outran a pack of rabid squirrels, then duck into a sewer pipe which led to the New Jersey Turnpike.......
That's great Hank, I need you to rebuild the Unix Server from the ground up, need it by tomorrow, thanks, buhbye!!!

 

by suicidalrat
10-23-03
Hank the Computer Operator will be on its regularly scheduled time tomorrow, today, stay tune for a special HOLLYWOOD INSIDER!!!
Hello!!!! We are reporting live from outside the police station of Raleigh County, where it is reported that Richard Simmons is being held after beaten Delta Burke with cooked noodles!!!!
Yes! We're very excited to be the first on the scene with this breaking story.
Wait, we're not first on the scene, I seen ABC, NBC, CBS, BBC and Fargo Broadcasting, plus a hundred other tv, radio and news crews from all over the world over there.
Ahhhh just shut up and read the cue cards!!!!!
That's it! I'm leaving and going home to mother!!! BOO HOO HOO!!!!
What you going to do, ya can't kill em, you can't leave em! Back to you guys in the studio!!!!!

 

by suicidalrat
10-28-03
...There's a war going on....Two gangs of elite haxxors, vying for the title of most ELITEZIET, try to hack their way into Somecity biggest software producer. On one side, we have BlueBallZ.....
We be Blueballz, tee hee, we are the most notorious hackers on this planet, hee hee hee.
Yo! Yo! Yo! My name is Rovin' Klez Sniffer, this be my most excellent code smasher, Slutty Bot!!! Wooop! WOOOOP! I gotta go pee!!
On the other side, we have League of Overweight Panty Munchers......
Yeah, we be, huhuhuhu, like elite panty munchers, I mean, uhuhuhuhuhuhuh, uh, those dudes who like break stuff, yeah, we be breakers!!!!!
YEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAA!!!! Give me a saw, I'm ready to hack and chop some wood, in my younger days, I could hack twenty loads of wood with no problems whatsoever, YEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAWWWWW!!!!
Meanwhile, we find Hank doing what he does best........
Man, I gotta take a pee!!!
Hello, I am with the National Nigerian Bank, you are so lucky, to have won the Nigerian National Lottery, all we need is all your credit card numbers and mother's maiden name to send you your winnings

 

by suicidalrat
10-28-03
....Deep within the elite hackers' domain.....
Hey look at me youngen, look at me hackin' this computer pc thingie!
Hey dude, I think that's the tv or something. Dude, you're getting a Dell!!!!
Oh, that would explain why the Golden Girls is my screen saver!!!!
Hey look at me youngen, look at me hackin' this computer pc thingie!
ERROR! DOES NOT COMPUTE! ERROR! ERROR! SHUTTING DOWN.....

 

by suicidalrat
10-28-03
...On the other side of the HAXXOR WAR......
Hey Sidney, where's my kick ass PC, you know the one with the killer refresh rate????
I don't think the PC people have moved it in yet!
Oh yeah, tee hee, hello PC person, can I have my PC with the killer refresh rate?
I'm just a chair lady, you'll have to wait till the phone comes back from the shop to call em!!!!

 

by suicidalrat
10-28-03
....At the super secret headquarters of the International Hacker Trackers aka the Department of Agriculture, in Washington DC....
Yes, yes, I can feel it, there's a hacker war out there, and my job is to stop it, yes, stop the evil hackers from taking over the world!!!!!!!
yes, I am the head of this organization and it is my job to make sure these hackers are put away, for a long, long time.
Hey.........hey coffee boy, I need you to go and get me a lattee, stat!!!!
Yes sir!! Right away sir!!!!!!
Damn, its hard finding a good coffee boy this day and age, always thinking they're tracking rogue hackers or something.

 

by suicidalrat
10-28-03
...a blackout hits the elite hackers' headquarters...was the Department of Agriculture involved?? The narrator will never tell.
Yo dude, it's like dark and stuff. Uh, how we going to hack the planet in uh, like the dark and stuff????
Uh, yeeeeeehaaaaaaaa!! I know....I know......WE CAN GET SOME CANDLES!!! YEEEEEEHAAAAAA!!!!!!!
....Across on the other side of the great Hacker War.....
HeHe!! It's like too dark to see the computer, we can't see the killer refresh rate in the dark!!! Hey, is that your hand on my breast?
Sorry.....I know what to do, I'm an elite hacker, I'll call tech support!!!!!
....Meanwhile, back at the help desk......
Maybe I'll get to go home early tonight so I can play with my new Donkey Kong game!!!!
RING! RING! RING!!!

 

by suicidalrat
10-28-03
...Hank takes the call.....
Somecity Software Support, Hank speaking, how may I help you?
Uh, hello?? Is this thing on? Uh, hey, uh, Frank? I'm trying to haxx you guys and I can't see my PC killer refresh rate?
Okay sir, first thing, you want Dell, second, you're in the middle of a blackout, which means no power.
No way dude, I don't want Dell, I can't see my PC's killer refresh rate. Dell doesn't support that, we already called them! They said to call you guys!!!!
Oh sweet sweet death, please embrace me.....
...Besides, if there was a power outage, my battery powered clock would have stopped too, like duh!!!!

 

by suicidalrat
10-28-03
6 hours and 25 minutes later....Hank hangs up with the Elite Hackers
Damn, I thought that call would never end....welp, time to go home!
Hey Hank I need you....
...The Blackout hits Somecity.....
Hey Hank, where'd you go? I still need you to power down the database server!!!! HELLO?? HELLO???

 

by suicidalrat
10-29-03
We interrupt this strip of Hank the Computer Operator, Hank will be back tomorrow, same time, same station.....,
Hello and welcome to Lifestyles of the poor and infamous, tonight, we check into the life of one Hank the Computer Operator. Here we are with his live in lover, Marla!
Whoo dude, am I on tv??? Ooooooh, what show is this?? Where am I? I'm suppose to be doing a spot for KFC.
Hey, wait, this isn't Hank's house, its across the street. Where am I at???????
Why isn't this camera on?? Who are you people???? Hello, is anybody out there?
Oh well, hello Mr. Chicken, how are you? Welcome to Life styles of the poor and infamous, we check into the life of one Mr. Chicken!!!!
Hello Mr. Coyote reporter. How are you? Welcome to my home. Why don't you come in and let my maid get you some champagne.

 

by suicidalrat
11-26-03
Hello once again readers to the Adventures and Tribulations of Hank the Computer Operator.
Hello people, it's been awhile since I've done a strip, so without ado......
Hey Hank, I need for you to build me a killer app.....
Do I dare ask????
So what is this "killer app" going to do?
I don't know, I just need a killer app!! Thanks! Buhbye!!!

 

by suicidalrat
1-26-04
It's been a few months since the Chronicles of Hank the Computer Operator have been written. What has happened????
We demand more Hank the Computer Operator Episodes!!!!! And when do we want them?????
NOW!!! Bitches!! NOW!!!!
WE ARE SORRY!! HANK WAS TRANSPORTED TO THE MOON PLANET BEACON 11 AND THEREFORE COULD NOT BE REACHED FOR THE CHRONICLES!! BEEP!!! WE ARE SORRY!!! IT IS ALL HER FAULT!! BOOP!!!!
Hey Mr. Robot, can you build me a killer app?? I asked Hank a couple of months ago but no one has seen him. Thanks!! Buhbye!!!
Meanwhile in Madrid.....
Here is your coffee sir, may I get you another piece of lemon pie?????
Bet nobody even notices I'm gone on a three month vacation!!!

 

by suicidalrat
1-26-04
Man, being here in Madrid for three months and so many days really has changed my outlook on life Mr. Squirrel!!! No longer do I want to be just a computer operator!!!!! I want to be a.......
..A cross dressing organ monkey???????
Meanwhile back in the states......
I hear there is a job opening since Hank went missing. I'd like to apply for the new comic strip, BOLARDO'S MAD TRIP!!!! I am a donkey, very qualified to be a comic....
The creator told me I could be the star of the new comic strip, ADMINSTRATOR'S NIGHTMARE!! OW! My head hurts!!!!!
...The battle begins anew....
You're all great!! But we decided that since we, the managing team, are here during the day, we won't be replacing Hank, instead, we'll be the stars of the new strip. Thanks. Buhbye!
TO WAR BROTHERS!! OH sorry, wrong strip!!!!!

 

by suicidalrat
1-26-04
..Still back in the States.....
Where is Hank? Must see Hank!! Hank is friend to Debo and all the people down in accounting!!!
Sorry, Hank had to be let go, due to, uhm, him not being seen for three months and so many days!! We were sorry but we had to, due to time constriction!!!
You bad lady!!! You must be punished!!! Hank friend!!
Hello!! Didn't you get the memo......
The next scene was too horrifying to show, so we replaced it with a happy squirrel, playing with his nuts!!!!
I'm a happy squirrel playing with my nuts!!!!!
You know what, I'm bored!!!!!

 

by suicidalrat
1-26-04
Hank gets a telegram from the CEO of his company demanding his return to help calm the newly formed revolution.
Wow!! I can't believe it, people actually missed me!!! I'm touched!!!!!
I can't believe it either, that people would actually touch you either!! EWWWWWW!!!!!
I can't believe it Hank is coming back to the good ole' U.S. of A to help stupid people such as myself reboot!!!!!
Hello!!!! Mr. Creator!?! I'd like more strip time!!!
...So Hank is back on good ole American soil where he belongs.....God bless ya Hank......
I am sorry for doing bad things to you! Can you forgive???
I don't know. We'll see, I'm still pulling nails out of my arse!! Buhbye!!!!!

 

by suicidalrat
2-04-04
It's that time of the year again........
Janet, hurry up and get that bra on!!! Everybody is waiting on you to present the award for the best computer operator 2004!!!!!
I'm almost ready, just a few more threads to fray, so they "accidentally" fall off during the presentation.
Oooh man I hope I win this year!! Last year was close, that dude from India came out with all the awards over me!!!!
Man, wonder where a squirrel can get a beer at this thing?????
Hello!! And welcome to the 2004 Computer Monkeys Award Show, starring a naked man doing the Macarena and Janet Jackson's left nipple!!!!!
I should have said yes to that guest appearence on Fear Factor instead of this!!!!

 

by suicidalrat
2-04-04
...HOURS AND HOURS INTO THE PRESENTATION
Alright, now for the nominations for best operating system fiasco 2004.......
Wow, maybe this would be a good time to come out and tell everyone I can't read!!!!
Hello?? Mr. Reader guy?? We're all waiting......
Wow this stuff looks like it's in Chinese or something??? What do I say?? I can't read???????
Hello, Mister!!!!!
Uh the winner again this year is Bill Gates!!! Congrats Bill!!!!

 

by suicidalrat
2-04-04
....FINALLY....at the end of the show......
Alright!!! We finally come to the COMPUTER OPERATOR OF THE YEAR!! Whoooohoooooo!!!!!!
Yes, and what great wieners...I mean nominees we have...here they are, in no particular order......
....Georgie, little tech support dude from India!!!
Yo, tech support dude from India couldn't be here tonight, so I, little hacker kid from Trenton is here!!!!
What the hell is up with the cloud effect behind that kid????
Hey Pal do you know where a dog on a ball could get a beer in this place?????

 

by suicidalrat
2-04-04
Still at the award show.......
Oh man, bet I don't win this year, just like last year!!!! Little Georgie always win!!!!
Hey Hank, Little Georgie has been thrown out of the competition because he was found drinking a non caffeniated soda!!! Buhbye!!!!
You mean...you mean...I could actually win!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?
Wonder where a snowman such as myself could get a beer in this place??????
AND THE WINNER IS X17 FROM THE PLANET ALIENWARE X8!!!!!
Like there was any doubt......
Why do I even bother????

 

by suicidalrat
3-09-04
It comes a time in every person's life, that thought of love, join us now as Hank the Computer Operator goes looking for love in all the wrong places!!!!
Man, I'm so lonely, maybe I'll try one of them online dating things, you know, find me a girl, a nice girl, okay, not too nice! Hey, maybe she'd go out with me???
I'm pyschic. Not on your life dillhole!
...Hank logs into Desperatecomputergeekslookingfordates.com
Hey this sounds promising, F seeks M for fun and maybe more!!!! Hmmmm......I'll respond
Ooooooh, I got a response for my ad!!!!! Computer geek seeking fun! Sounds exciting!!!!

 

by suicidalrat
3-09-04
Hank thinks about his big date
Whoohooo!!! I'm going on a big date tonight with a super model! What should I wear?
Are you sure this is the right place that order the fifty tons of mule poop??? Okay, load it in right here!!!!
...maybe I should wear my blue satin suit with the big collars. Nah, too flashy for a first date!
Hey Hank, where'd all this crap come from? Hello? Hello? Ahhh, forget it!
Hmmmm, don't know. What the hell is that smell????
Remember kids, we're cartoon characters. We can survive 50 tons of mule poop. You can't!

 

by suicidalrat
3-09-04
Well, here I sit, waiting for my date to show up. Man, I can hardly wait. I bet she's hot!!!!!
Welcome to another exciting strip in the life of Hank the Computer Operator. Tonight's episode, Hank may or may not get laid. You the reader decide by calling 1-900-HANK GETS LAID!
Gosh, I hope she likes the flowers I brought her!
Make your decision now! Operators are standing by. 95 cents a minute!!!!!
I hope she makes it soon. I hope she doesn't get scared away from the narrator standing right here!
The votes have been tallied. Next strip, we'll show you the results.

 

by suicidalrat
3-09-04
Well people, the votes have been tallied and the results are in. It was close but here is the strip you asked for in the Hank gets laid or doesn't!!!!!
Hello Hank, I am your date. The readers have voted and we're going to have sex!!!! Thank you for the flowers!!! They're lovely!!!!
Oh how the readers have left me to suffer dear God!
Well, due to federal regulations, we cannot show you the actual final sex scene, lets just say, Hank will be walking funny for the next few days!!!!!
And remember kids, stay in school and smoke a lot of cigarettes but make sure you get your parents' permission!! Good night!

 

by suicidalrat
9-22-04
It all started out in some farm in southern North Dakota......
Hey Pa!! Did you hear something? Sounded like an asteroid crashing into our house!!!
Why that's impossible!!!! Simply impossible!! The force field should protect us!!!!
In another part of the country, a rock and roll star is about to find out about Mary the Hooker and her super abilities.
Hi, uh, do you know, like, uh, where the rest room is?
Follow me!!!
And so our adventure begins of STUPOR TECH!! Tech from beyong the StupidZone!!!!
Ahhhh, look what I found in some farmer's field in North Dakota!!!!
I have a bad feeling about this!!!!

 

by suicidalrat
9-22-04
...Years later.....somewhere City, Big Software Company....Director of Information System is talking to the manager of IS.
*HICK*
Like yeah, fer sure, we need a new tech!! Someone who is smart...okay, maybe not smart but who will work for what we pay!!!
..Interview #1
So like, do you know what a keyboard is?
*BOOP* I need to go to the potty!! The man down the *beep* hallway said this was the way to the restroom!!!
....Still they continue.....
Very good answer. So do you know how to program in C?
Do you have any paper towels? *boop* I just whizzed on your desk!!! It seemed the most appropiate spot!! *CLICK*

 

by suicidalrat
9-22-04
Interview #2
Well the last tech seemed pretty up to speed on things, wonder how this next tech wannabe will do?
Uhm, do you know where the rest rooms are in this place? The guy down the hall said to come here, you'd know where the rest rooms were!
Hi, I'm looking for good techs. Do you know what an interface is?
Do you know you look like a supermodel?
And so it continues.....
Really?
No!

 

by suicidalrat
9-22-04
Interview #3
*POUT*
Hi I'm.....
......
Are you looking to become a computer tech?
Uh........
....And it continues???
You seem like just the kind of person we want working for us!
You're funny!!!

 

by suicidalrat
9-22-04
Interview #3 continued.....
Well, you seem very qualified for this position.
Thank you!! I really just came in to find where the potty was!!!!!
It's really hard to find good techs. Come with me and let me introduce you to the other people!
I really just want to go to the potty!! Ahhhhhhhh.......
...Hours later.....
So what do you say?
Oh dear god, this man is dead!

 

by suicidalrat
9-22-04
Collectable comic series? You bet!!!
Well the normal interview process wasn't going very well...so...I'll try the prison work program!!!
I'm in here for stealing fish!!!
......
Do you think you'd make a good computer tech?
Well, the next guy in line may, he's in here for hacking.
...the search continues.....
So do you wanna...hey don't I know you?

 

by suicidalrat
9-22-04
....Manager tries something different...she goes to a Pyscho Ward.....
Man, this finding a computer tech is hard!!!
I'm here looking for an executive vice president. We lost him during a blackout!!!
.......
You looking for computer tech?? We have computer techs up to our eyebrows!!!
Hurrray!!!
....The search continues....
So have you any experience as a computer operator?
Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? I don't see anyone else in the panel, so you must be talking to me!!!!

 

by suicidalrat
9-22-04
...Our adventure continues.....
The next person I'm hiring!!!!
I locked myself in the walk in freezer again. That makes five times this week! And its only Friday!!!
......
He has potential!!!
Oh, good thing I was standing over this open sewage line and dropped that match down there.
He's a problem solver!!!
That poor, poor man, just combusting like that. Hope he'll be alright by me walking over him like this. There's a sales at Barney's AP store I just can't miss! 2 for 1 on strained apricots!!!

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