All comics by woodsmoke

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by woodsmoke
2-21-06
True stories of a PETsMART Pet Care Specialist.
You want to buy all 7 of our guinea pigs in stock? That's like $300. What are you keeping them in?
Oh dat cahdboad box be good enuff.
I warn you: This is more obnoxious than PETA.
Um, you're going to keep 7 guinea pigs in the cardboard travel boxes we provide?
Oh no worry, dey won't be in dere fo vey wong.
People who work retail should be given Nobel Peace Prizes.
I don't get i-- OMG!!!!
*licks lips*

 

by woodsmoke
2-21-06
Standing at the fish wall with another Pet Care Specialist.
I'm going to use the restoom. I'll be right back.
Pff. Whatever.
Uh, this white stuff that is sprayed all over the toilet seat, floor, sink handles, and door looks a lot lik- OMG!!! This is a PET STORE! How can you nut off to a chinchilla?
So I told the Store Manager...
Um, someone masturbated in the men's room. It's all over the walls, the floors, and the sink.
Uh, since you're a Pet Care Specialist and are the animal caretakers who deal with body fluids, you're the one who gets to clean it up. Hop to it!

 

by woodsmoke
2-22-06
At the PETsMART fish wall...
I'll take 2 dozen large crickets.
Okeydoke.
I catch and count the crickets, put them into their bag, add a piece of egg crate to prevent suffocation, and inflate it with oxygen...
Uh, don't put that air in with the crickets. That hurts them.
It ... what?
Lord have mercy on my soul...
Yeah, doesn't like, oxygen, like, kill crickets or something?
What do you think crickets breathed? Krypton?

 

by woodsmoke
2-22-06
At a hospital in North Central Arkansas...
Okay, so why are you here?
I just had a tonic clonic seizure and I need to get a shot of dilantin.
Okay so how do you spell it... eheplesy?
*sigh* e-p-i-l-e-p-s-y
!!!
Are you having an epilepsy breakout? Are you taking any STD medications and are you sexually active?
W... What?

 

by woodsmoke
2-22-06
In the waiting room...
Hello, I'm Fran. What are you in here for?
Hi, I'm Wood. I'm here for epilepsy.
Do you believe in Jesus Christ?
Uhh..mm..
Well, see, there's this Prayer Rug, and I prayed on it, and now the cysts on my bottom are gone. You should try it.
I think I should move to another seat...

 

Still in the waiting room...
*coughhackwheeze* Couldya pass me that there Highlights magazine please? *burp*
...
by woodsmoke, 2-22-06

 

by woodsmoke
2-22-06
While in the trauma room, waiting for the attending physician to arrive, I had to share the space with a guy who was obviously having digestive problems.
Boy, this waiting is agony, isn't it?
I don't know, they just gave me some phenergan in an IV, so I'm not really here right now.
Don't you hate it when your anus pinches off a turd before it can get all the way out?
Excuse me?!
I mean, y'know, you keep wiping and wiping and the paper always comes back brown!
Nurse! NURSE! NURRRRRRSE! I need a LOT more phenergan!

 

2 hours later...
According to your bloodwork and your current symptoms, I have determined you have suffered a seizure and have a condition called "epilepsy."
No fucking shit, dude. Where's my goddamn shot, you shitlicking son of a bitch?!?! I've been stuck here for 2 hours with Doctor Poo!
by woodsmoke, 2-22-06

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