people xxxenon is following

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latest comics from people xxxenon is following

by crabby
5-23-15
So, you ever work in an office before?
Nah, I was a gym teacher for 42 years. School cut gym to save money.
No kidding, I was a gym teacher for 56 years. I lost everything in the mortgage crash back in 2007.
My grandmother died in 2007. She was 104 years old. She owned several properties we didn;t even know about in California and Oregon. We inherited millions in real estate.
Did you lose everything?
We sold it all to Heath Ledger for a really nice large sum 14 months before he killed himself.

by crabby
5-23-15
First of all I'd like to thank you for meeting me in the parking lot this afternoon. You understand that the position we have to fill is that of a janiator.
Yup. I'm a janitor.
Great, that's just what we're looking for. Do you have any formal training or schooling. How do you keep up with the latest advancements in janitorial work?
Well, I'm a janitor.
I'd like to say, I appreciate your candor. I have three more people to interview, but right now, you're my front runner. I'm not supposed to say that. I'm really not. Expect an offer sheet today.
Proud to be your janitor.

by crabby
5-22-15
This just isn't how I imagined my life. I'm financially stable, I have a beautiful and loving family. I make my own cheese.
Why aren't I happier? Why don't I have any sense of fulfillment. Is this life? Is this all there is? What do I have to do?
I just don't know what my problem is.

by crabby
5-22-15
Hey Dave, funny seeing you down in the basement where you put me to handle my tasks.
HAHAHAHA...
This is day 80 of my 90 day evaluation period. I just want you to know that I will have to formally reject full employment. I have found another position and would like to consider this my two weeks.
I appreicate your transparency in this issue. Would you mind coming to my office to discuss a few matters. I highly value your opinion on the workplace and would love to get your thoughts.
So tell me the truth, are you quitting because you think I'm ugly?
No! I'm quitting because... I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!

by crabby
5-22-15
Well Dean, these are the cubes you'll be working in. You'll find that every two weeks you switch to a new cube.
Hey, I don't mind moving at all. I'm an easy going kinda bot.
Hahaha... That's great. Your performance will be evaluated based not only on how well you perform your tasks, but also how will you do in each cube.
I'm programmed to evaluate for 38,000,001 defects per week regardless of my location.
I'd like to remind you that we use a full 90 day review policy before we decided whether or not we will be bringing you on full time. Just so we're on the same page.
I was designed specifically for this location and task. My goals were programmed to be exactly what was necessary.

by crabby
5-22-15
I know I'm the new guy at the office, but that company mission statement is a real kick in the pants if you ask me.
How so?
It states and I quote, "We as an employer put every employee in a position to meet their full potential" that doesn't offend you?
Why would it offend me? It's just a stupid mission statement.
Just a stupid mission statement? You've been here way too long buddy. I want employer who will work to help me EXCEED my potential! That's what I want from an employer.
All I want from an employer is to be paid and left alone.

by crabby
5-22-15
Mr. President, it's an honor to be meeting with you at this gorge to discuss my full presidential pardon involving any ****s I did, may do, or wish to do in the future.
I'm not the President, I'm former Govenor of Texas, Rick Perry.
Mr. Rick Perry, it's an honor to be meeting with you at this gorge to discuss my full Rick Perry pardon involving any ****s I did, may do, or wish to do in the future.
We're meeting here because you ****d my wife and I'm going to kill you. Any last words?
Mr. Jesus, it's an honor to be meeting with you at this gorge to discuss my full Jesus pardon involving any ****s I did, may do, or wish to do in the future.
I'm never going to have this chance again so I would jsut like to confess one thing. I always respected you for the show Cosby. It's impossible to follow up the Cosby Show, but you did it with grace.

by crabby
5-22-15
Ya know, the worst part about this whole Bill Cosby thing is that now I can't even watch Cosby Show on DVD without looking like I support ******s.
I don't support ******s, but a few years before they announced all the allegations, I bought all the episodes of Cosby Show on DVD.
I got a great deal. Bought them second hand at a garage sale for 75 bucks. Well, anyways, all I'm saying is I wanna be able to watch my DVD's.
This Jello Pudding Pop has no idea that I'm Bill Cosby.

I'm sorry; I thought you were calling for Stuporman.
by evil_d, 5-11-15

by crabby
5-09-15
When I was just a baby, my momma told me son, always be a good boy, don't ever play with guns, but I shot a man in Reno... Just to watch him die.
Is that true? Is this an admission of guilt.
I'm sorry. I don't know why I led with that. I guess I just wanted to seem cool and edgy for my first day of college.
This is the unemployment office.
Yeah, well, I was going to be an English Major so I figured I'd just skip the middle man.
I'm sorry, but your manboobs aren't eligible for any benefits.

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