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latest comics from people xxxenon is following

by evil_d
Hey doc, I'm here for my monthly dose of Placebenol. But I've got to say, I really hate needles. Isn't there any other way I could take it?
You're in luck! It's now available in pill form. I'll write you a prescription.
That'll be ten thousand dollars.
Even when I'm taking it orally, I'm still taking it rectally.

by evil_d
Your condition is easily treatable with a drug that costs 50 cents in Canada.
Unfortunately it costs $3,000 here, and since you have bargain-basement insurance, the best I can give you is a lollipop and an injection of Placebenol.
I understand. It's what I deserve for not working harder in the coal mines.
Excellent. Nurse HCRoyall will be in momentarily to administer your shot.
Which way to the border?

by evil_d
People say we wealthy Republicans don't care about health care for the poor. But that's not true! When poor people call out sick, my casinos don't get cleaned and my garden doesn't get landscaped!
Nobody wants that! That's why, as President, I'll ask doctors to implement my "MedFill" program. When one patient can't work, they'll call their other patients and find someone to cover their shift!
But Mr. Trump, that doesn't help individual poor people at all! That just treats them as chattel who are interchangeable with other poor people!
I'm not following you.

by evil_d
The Silmarillion is this giant creation myth about how Ilúvatar (that's God) created the Ainur and the world and the Elves and the Men and so on.
But some of the characters from this story—like Galadriel—are still alive and well at the time when The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings take place.
It's like... imagine if the biblical Abraham were alive today, and had an apartment in downtown Baghdad, and you could go and visit him if you wanted.
Oh Jeez, Mr. Abraham. I'm so sorry about spilling that glass of wine on your carpet.
You *******! I'd kill my own son for less than that!

by evil_d
Did you know that in some countries it's traditional to eat lamb on Easter?
Is that terrible or what? The bible is full of symbolism comparing Jesus to a lamb. "The paschal lamb," they call him. So Jesus dies and then it's like you're eating him!
...although Catholics were already big on that. So objection withdrawn, I guess.

by evil_d
Hello, I'd like to place a "Missed Connections" ad in your paper.
Me: white male, 38, 6'2", short brown hair. Have lost a lot of weight. Former endorser for Subway restaurants.
I'm going to stop you right there.

by mandingo
people are always asking me how i landed this gig. not a minute of college. hell, didn't even finish high school. yet here i am - VP.
truth be told, i wouldn't get a THING done if it weren't for COFFEE.
ain't that right, Coffee?
**** you, Don.

by evil_d
I'm gonna kill you so hard the folks back in Philadelphia will scream!
I'm gonna kill you so hard there won't be anything left for the vultures!
I'm gonna kill you so hard your grandma will feel it!
I'm gonna kill you so hard your great-great-grandchildren will still be bitter about it!
It's about heritage, not hate!

by mandingo

by mandingo
from now on, Mother, i'd like to only be referred to as... AMBASSADOR TO THE STARS!
you've been having me call you that since July, dear.
ah! but before i was referring to celebrities. now i'm referring to the heavenly bodies.
she still hasn't climbed off her wrecking ball and answered your couple hundred voicemails has she, dear?
i have the full force of the galactic council at my disposal now, Mother. she will.

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