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latest comics from people xxxenon is following

by themushroom
Maura visits Bang****, China
Hey white lady! You have money?
hold on...
One billion rice-eaters here. You think we need more cob ****s?
My mother always said if I didn't finish my dinner she'd ship it here.

by evil_d
Mr. President, I got the Big League Chew you asked for. It's on your desk.
What? I didn't ask you for a Big League Chew, I called you a big league Jew.
By the way, you're fired. Everyone knows Jews are no good at politics. Sad!
I can't believe I came in on the Sabbath for this.

by themushroom
2016: A **** sandwich, extra ****.
I can hardly wait until next year, this one was horrible!
Hillary to the rescue! I'll save you if you vote for me.
2017: You ain't seen nuttin' yet.
We are sooo ****ed. In 30 years I'm putting my folks in a home for doing this to the world.
In my first day in office, I'm repealing Roe v Wade, marriage equality, and Obamacare. Can I get a Seig Trump, y'all?

by themushroom
I'm going to build a wall to keep the Mexicans out! We deport the ones that are here! We have to get the Chinese out of our business!
Though the wall has to have a gate since fruit needs to get picked, of course. And Chinese steel is okay since I need new towers built!
I'm going to punish people who have abortions, who speak against me, who aren't hetro, flag burners, and of course Hillary Clinton for existing!
Though my party stands for smaller government and my pet project is to stop bullying in our schools. I'm all about the First Amendment!
So your platform is to ironically support the opposite of what you publicly reject.
I don't know what you're talking about. I never contradict myself. Hey, Security, throw this bum out!

by themushroom
Target Greeter Girl visited eight countries in thirteen days, and now it was time for her to go back to her mundane existance.
Rome was nice. Got my butt pinched by a papal cardinal even. Same happened in Ireland, go figure.
Dorothy was right about there being no place like home. The rest of the world was just like her own life, but with a different cast of characters who recite basically the same lines.
I bet not **** has gotten done at home or work in my absence, and it's waiting for me.
And less chance of getting caught or facing the music for one's pleasures. Okay, so there were advantages.
Love you, Amerikinski!
Here's your 200 hryvnia ($7), now never tell anyone.

by themushroom
I love you more than anything. I want to spend my life with you. Change everything in your life now, and I will move to your state next year. We will live happily ever after.
Hey, ex-girlfriend I haven't given up on yet and work with! I have two tickets to Disneyland. I swear this will be platonic. *audible wink*
Based on a totally true story, happening as I speak.
I can't do this. You are inadequate, underpaid, and distant. Have a happy life, dude!

by themushroom
Target Greeter Girl earned a ton of vacation time from years of service and never taking a day off. She won a company contest and a 2-week-long world cruise, which she had the time accrued to take.
Indian food? nah
She didn't really care about the scenery or the history, and didn't understand the language in most places (including the ones that spoke English). She did like getting away.
African food? nah
She did have high hopes that this would at long last get her laid. This is where she discovered what items in the smorgasbord she actually doesn't want, and a few she didn't know she could ever like.
Thai food? hmmm...

by themushroom
There are some ridiculous myths about girls. Girls want boys to believe they are not icky like the boys are.
Girls are perfect creatures. They do not poop, fart, burp, or produce funky smells. They're like humans but better.
Never mind how unlikely consumption without excretion or bacteria not affecting girls' bodies are logically; some boys take that hype as gospel.
I loved hiking up here. But now I'm pitting out pretty bad and, uh, I gotta take a big dump.
Ha ha ha, you so funny, Jenessa! You big kidder!
Bad breath, funky vaginal odors, stinky pits, unclean anuses, laying cable, gas warfare, earthshaking belches, and every foul thing you do... so does she.
Shit, you weren't kidding afterall.
So we're alone up here... do you wanna eat me out?

Hey, sexy, yer shirt matches mah hair.
Cool, your tattoo matches my underlying racism.
by umfumdisi, 11-27-16

Hey, everybody, time for a snowball fight!
Fuck that ****! I'm going back to the greenhouse...
by umfumdisi, 11-27-16

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