people xxxenon is following

BigFrank105, bobertd3rd, boinky33, cpausti, crabby, Cre8tive13, DexX, DrMorton, evil_d, Externalization, FinnNYC, Fuj, Humpenstein, IHMAWTD, Injokester, ivytheplant, lildeucecoup, LittleRocker, LuckyGuess, mandingo, matclarke, mmyers, nightowl, shank, SilverPhoenix, Sly_guy99, squidrabies, themushroom, tomoleary, umfumdisi, v, Zimri

latest comics from people xxxenon is following

by evil_d
To amuse myself, anytime I hear anybody talk about "rock" or "the rock", I mentally replace it with "Dwayne Johnson".
The International Olympic Committee announced today that it would consider Dwayne Johnson climbing for inclusion in the 2020 Olympics.
♫ Just let me hear some of that Dwayne Johnson 'n' roll music / Any old way you choose it / It's got a backbeat, you can't lose it.... ♪

by mandingo
i know we're moving pretty fast but do you think it's possible to just KNOW?
your subconscious, your cells, your genes, whatever, just KNOWS. just realizes you've found the one?
what? oh, sweety, i'm sorry, were you talking to me? i tend to stop listening after they put out.

by mandingo
you take $1200?
get the FUCK out of here! when i post a price on a car, consider me FUCKING Walmart! do you walk in there and try to talk them down on Great Value Anal-Ese?? NO!
if i knew he was going to try to PRESS me against the wainscoting and FUCK me in the ASS, i'd have stayed home and brainstormed how to break up with his wife and still get my Croce albums back!

by evil_d
Chef, your all-spun-sugar replica of the Hanging Gardens of Babylon is most impressive! But before our judges can review it, you must carry it through... THE GAUNTLET!
If those judges don't have a damn good reason why they can't walk the 20 feet to see it here, I'm going to give them one.
I'd like to take a moment now to thank the farmers who cultivated these 1200 pounds of sugar that nobody will ever eat.

by evil_d
Hey doc, I'm here for my monthly dose of Placebenol. But I've got to say, I really hate needles. Isn't there any other way I could take it?
You're in luck! It's now available in pill form. I'll write you a prescription.
That'll be ten thousand dollars.
Even when I'm taking it orally, I'm still taking it rectally.

by evil_d
Your condition is easily treatable with a drug that costs 50 cents in Canada.
Unfortunately it costs $3,000 here, and since you have bargain-basement insurance, the best I can give you is a lollipop and an injection of Placebenol.
I understand. It's what I deserve for not working harder in the coal mines.
Excellent. Nurse HCRoyall will be in momentarily to administer your shot.
Which way to the border?

by evil_d
People say we wealthy Republicans don't care about health care for the poor. But that's not true! When poor people call out sick, my casinos don't get cleaned and my garden doesn't get landscaped!
Nobody wants that! That's why, as President, I'll ask doctors to implement my "MedFill" program. When one patient can't work, they'll call their other patients and find someone to cover their shift!
But Mr. Trump, that doesn't help individual poor people at all! That just treats them as chattel who are interchangeable with other poor people!
I'm not following you.

by evil_d
The Silmarillion is this giant creation myth about how Ilúvatar (that's God) created the Ainur and the world and the Elves and the Men and so on.
But some of the characters from this story—like Galadriel—are still alive and well at the time when The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings take place.
It's like... imagine if the biblical Abraham were alive today, and had an apartment in downtown Baghdad, and you could go and visit him if you wanted.
Oh Jeez, Mr. Abraham. I'm so sorry about spilling that glass of wine on your carpet.
You *******! I'd kill my own son for less than that!

by evil_d
Did you know that in some countries it's traditional to eat lamb on Easter?
Is that terrible or what? The bible is full of symbolism comparing Jesus to a lamb. "The paschal lamb," they call him. So Jesus dies and then it's like you're eating him!
...although Catholics were already big on that. So objection withdrawn, I guess.

by evil_d
Hello, I'd like to place a "Missed Connections" ad in your paper.
Me: white male, 38, 6'2", short brown hair. Have lost a lot of weight. Former endorser for Subway restaurants.
I'm going to stop you right there.

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