I actually had this one last night.

CC265: IvyThePlant's Actual Nightmares: Career by ivytheplant 11-13-04

Hi, remember me? I'm the best friend from high school that you you told to fuck off. Because we have nothing in common and every one of your values makes my skin crawl. Well now I'm a successful businesswoman who owns a multibillion dollar company and if I wanted to, I could airdrop gallons of cash into the lake and still make a profit! I work at Wal-Mart.

Meet my irrational fear and subject of many a nightmare.

CC265: IvyThePlant's Actual Nightmares: Also A Phobia by ivytheplant 11-13-04

Nice day. Yup. Been a while since we've gone swimming. Yup. Check it out. The Titanic is raising itself out of the water from under us. AAAAIIIIEEEE!!!!

CC265: Nightmare Medley 1 by ivytheplant 11-13-04

Filing Clerk, VIP And in other news, a violent storm of anarchy gripped the nation resulting in a new government, society, and alphabetical ordering. Yegads! MikeyG Congratulations puppy! You can now have a long happy life without the burden of children! Yenads! kaufman Check it out! The hottest new outfit to hit the mall! And it smells like rank dairy products! I've got nothing...

CC265: Nightmare Medley 2 by ivytheplant 11-13-04

Latios Being a dumb fuck is now illegal in the United States. I sentence you to school. And we're cutting your balls off so you don't procreate. OMG WTF!!!!11111!!!!11!!!11 SVKomix Ditto. nofair!!! my soldeirs will defeet yuo!!1111! Eric The Angry Librarian Your anger was getting out of control so we planted a chip in your head that forces you to be nice and cheerful to everyone. Also, meet your new coworkers, Latios and SVKomix. "Death is the only way out."

CC 265: Sylvester the Cat's Nightmare by kaufman 11-13-04

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 265: IvyThePlant's Actual Nightmares: Mr. Crankypants by ivytheplant 11-14-04

Welcome to the hottest party in the country! Damn, his tiny little place is actually huge and fabulous. For new friends, I will give you whatever you want. For those who have been a thorn in my side, you get nothing! Ha ha ha ha haaaa! You can't bribe me or make me want to be your friend. I don't even want a projection TV. Hi, I'm Richard Dean Anderson and I'm a personal friend of the host. Kill me now.

These three are the nightmares of Archie comic book characters.

CC 265: Jughead Jones's Nightmare by fpd 11-14-04

What happened? Where am I? You washed ashore on Paradise Island, and you are the first man any of us amazons have seen for hundreds of years. I'm the only man on an island full of females? Could things get any worse? All of us are horny and sex-starved. We need you to service all of us. This is truly hell, but at least with so many females here, I won't have to worry about preparing my own food, right? No, no, cooking is men's work. Now that you're here, you can do all our cooking for us. And you can mow our lawns too.

CC 265: Archie Andrews's Nightmare by fpd 11-14-04

Congratulate me, Archie! I'm engaged! You're engaged, Betty!? I thought you were crazy about me? Well, at least I still have Veronica. Well, no. It's Veronica I'm engaged to. You turned us both gay, Archie. You're kidding me, right? This has got to be the worst day of my life! Cheer up, Archie. You turned me gay too, and with Betty and Veronica out of the picture, it's just you and the oh so handsome Reggie Mantle. I can only hope that Moose has turned gay too, because if I can't have Betty or Veronica, I'm going to ask out Midge.

CC 265: Veronica Lodge's Nightmare by fpd 11-14-04

What are those yellow hairs doing on your shirt, Archie? And why do you smell like Betty's perfume? You didn't seriously think I was going to give up Betty when I married you, did you Ronnie? But Betty is married to Reggie! Yeah, you're both suckers! We married you for your money, and now we're going to win huge divorce settlements and marry each other. But I thought you loved me for me, Archie, not for my money! No way! You were always a bitch, and I just put up with you because you were rich. It was always Betty I really loved.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

CC 265: It's that damn green liquid wot done it (1) by jes_lawson 11-14-04

Oh NO! It's the freaky dream with the counting and the random nubers again! 67593. 67593. 17102. 17102. 12345. 12345. 67890. 67890. Paranoia! Things that don't make sense! Grotesque subhuman creatures! AAAGH! Blood Blood Blood Blood! Urgh...I've got to stop watching Sesame Street before I go to bed.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

CC265: ...Nine, Ten, Never Sleep Again by Zaster 11-14-04

No... No! It can't be! What a horrible fucking nightmare. I may never sleep again! I dreamt all the Doom III servers were down! Son? It's a beautiful day outside...

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

CC 265: Betty Cooper's Nightmare by fpd 11-14-04

Hey, Betty, today is your lucky day. Ron has proven herself unworthy of me, leaving me, the greatest guy alive, available for you. Wow, you sure have a swell head, Reggie. Anyway, tell me what Veronica has done to make herself "unworthy" of you. She showed supreme bad taste by eloping with Archie. They're married as I speak. It's really her loss, but it's your gain, baby. No, it should have been me! ARCHIE SHOULD HAVE MARRIED ME!!! Elizabeth Cooper, you're under arrest for the murders of Archie and Veronica Andrews. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. He said I was always #2. "Am I #2 now?" I said, as I snapped Ron's neck. He just looked at me so aghast. How could I have Archie hate me? Don't you see? I had to kill him too.

I like Betty enough that this one is more tragic than comic, but it is what came to mind when I asked myself what her worst nightmare would be.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

CC 265: Big Moose's Nightmare by fpd 11-14-04

Duh, what's with the funny hat, Midge? It's a habit, Moose. I've become a nun. A none? What's that? It means I've become a bride of Jesus Christ. Duh, can you tell me how to find Jesus? I just killed myself so I could go to heaven and beat the tar out of him. Ha, ha, you just made a wrong turn, kid.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

CC 265: Reggie Mantle's Nightmare by fpd 11-14-04

I sure am a handome devil. I'd stare at myself all day if it weren't for my responsibility to share my greatness with the rest of the world. Devil is right. You're as bad as the devil himself. What happened to my handsome reflection? I'm a reflection of your inner self, all corrupt and full of pride. Beneath that pretty surface, you're nothing but scum. Everyone hates you and you know it. Hates me? They're just jealous. They know that Mantle is the man, and they just can't deal with it. I'm the reflection of how others truly see you, Reggie. No one is jealous of you. They just see you as a ridiculously conceited buffoon. Ronnie, Betty, and Midge all just laugh at you.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

CC 265: Every Mother's Nightmare by umfumdisi 11-14-04

Yo, Moms, I'm ready. I can't believe my little man is going out on his first date. Oh, I think I hear the doorbell! Hello, can I help you two, uh, girls? We here to pick up Jimmy. He got cash, right?

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

CC 265: Quickies by kaufman 11-15-04

And this new wonderdrug will increase everyone's life expectancy to 230 years. Our expenses have goten too high. From now on, everything's $1.02. Dammit, why does this walking on water thing always give out when I'm over the deepest part of the lake?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 265: MikeyG's Nightmare by little_kitty 11-15-04

It appears that you are having Cyber Sexx0rz. Do you need help to proceed? If you clicked yes, there are many supplements at your disposal. If you clicked no, you're a bloody liar. Supplements at your disposal: a) Viagra and its offsets b) Microsoft's book on Proper Cyber Sexx0rz. Includes a personal message from Bill Gates himself c) a coupon for lotion and Kleenex You have chosen Viagra and its offsets... May I watch? AAAAAAGH!!

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Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.

CC 265: Bazilla's nightmare by jes_lawson 11-15-04

CC 265: Silent nightmares, part two by jes_lawson 11-15-04

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

I think JesusSandwich and some of those who've been keeping track of the forums will be reasonably familiar with this:

CC265: Forum Nightmare: Back from the Bans by quodlibet 11-15-04

Hey, you're from jerkcity, aren't you? OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!! 111!!!!11!!!!!!!!11!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!DID U HEAR WUT HE SEID???????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But you really are from jerkcity -- WTF OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My solders will fite U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! then i'll TELL ON U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My MOMMY WILL call UR MOM!!!!!!!!!! If you just grew up a little bit, you know, you might not be so bad. Of course, your comics still stink. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how R U???????UR not MY SOLDR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And for something completely different (not):

CC265: Stripper's Nightmare, 1 by quodlibet 11-15-04

You're not funny. Fuck off. That wasn't very funny either. Fuck off. No other jokes in that one-shot arsenal, is there? Fuck off.

CC265: Stripper's Nightmare, 2 by quodlibet 11-15-04

With your law degree from Yale, flawless good looks, excellent Christian upbringing, my son's made the right choice. Why thank you sir! Now that you're one of the finest families on the East Coast, tell me, dear, what do you do for a hobby? I strip for a free website. I can explain.

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

Oh, heck, have a couple more. This one is on-topic.

CC265: Stripper's Nightmare, 3: Stripper's Block by quodlibet 11-15-04

This one may earn me nothing but trouble. But it had to happen.

CC265: Stripper's Nightmare, 4: My kingdom for a horse by quodlibet 11-15-04

For whilst my hunch has straighten'd, forsooth, I have lost my iambic pentameter and steed. Looking gloomy, oh King Rich3 of Stripcreator. But tell you what. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. Ass, not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country! Profound, King Rich3, very profound. Let me see what I can do for you. My kingdom for a...horse? Giddy! Giddy-yup! Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh! Huh!

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

257683[/comic]]

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"Mediocre people do exceptional things all the time." --OK Go

CC 265: Howard Stern's Nightmare by CHUBBY 11-16-04

2006. Well, that completes our tour of Sirius' studios, Howard. We hope you'll be happy here. Thank you. I'm sure I will be. I'm looking forward to it. The only thing left is for you to meet your new boss. He's a guy who's had a lot of experience in broadcasting, although this is his first satellite gig. Oh, here he comes now! Wall, halloo dere, Howard! I'se yo' new boss, Michael Powell!

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

When I was a child, the local Christian bookstore carried Christian Spire Archie comics, in which Archie and his friends were all born-again Christians. Although Sabrina appeared in the regular Archie comics, I don't remember seeing her in the Christian Spire Archie comics. Well, the Christian Spire versions of the Archie characters provide the context for this strip.

CC 265: Sabrina Spellman's Nightmare by fpd 11-16-04

Hey, Sabrina, I want to rap with you about Jesus. Have you accepted him as your personal lord and savior? Oh, the Lord and Lady are good enough for me, Archie. Did I hear you say "Lady," Sabrina? Are you one of those Mary-worshipping Catholics? No, Ronnie, I'm not a Catholic. If you must know, I'm a Wiccan. Please, Sabrina, let me tell you how wonderful it is to be born again and what Jesus has done for me. As the Bible says, "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." You must die to your old self and be born again, Sabrina.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

CC 265 by jes_lawson 11-16-04

Ohayo gozaimasu, customer! Regard with great respect these remarkable deals I am offering right now! Hmm... I must admit, there are some bargains worthy of the Shogun himself. But I'm sure I saw a better one down at Honest Yamada's Discount Auto Warehouse. Sayonara!

CC 265 (2) by jes_lawson 11-16-04

How...how can this be? I have brought shame upon myself with my failure to offer the best value! Honorable Ninja! Great Sensei of the Used Car Trade! You have dishonoured your clan and your profession, my son. You know what you must do. Hai! I shall commit seppuku, with the suspect clutch of the old Dodge Viper in the garage. Great is your failure, but not as great as the deals I shall be offering when I repossess your dealership and dance on your corpse!