Okay, I lied. I made exactly two entries. I don't care if either win, I just felt bad about not at least trying. I have too much of a headache from making my comic to read anyone else's. Good thing we don't have to vote on these...

CC: 67- I Have A Lot More by attitudechicka 9-28-01

Once upon a time there was a fluffy bunny being as fluffy as can be I have 6 children I have a lot more He was married to an equally fluffy bunny and lived with her in a hole in the ground just outside of New Orleans also living in the house were his mother-in-law his two children and their pet squirrel I have three nails I have a lot more They were a big happy family until one day the fluffy mother-in-law went on a rampage and ate them all except the squirrel she claims it was because she wasn't too nuts about them I have a letter I have a lot more

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Mediocrity at its most average.

CC: 67- No 53X by attitudechicka 9-28-01

PH33R /\/\3! What? 57UP1D 61RL. Are you talking that stupid H4X0R 5P33K again? YU0R JU57 J34L0U5. Cut it out or no 53X for you tonight.

evil_d, my hat's off to you if you can actually go through all of these and read them to pick a winner.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Hey boo,

Do you still have the link to the Coca Cola ad you posted a while back? It would fit right in on this thread.

How many of you did I scare with the first two words of this post?

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Every time you open your mouth you scare me. It's like there's an entire idiot factory in your head working overtime.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

CC 67: It worked for the Producers ... by kaufman 9-28-01

o/` Springtime: Bin Laden, Afghanistan // Muslim extremists unite ... o/` Look in the sky - a crop-duster // You've been infected, ha-ha, buster ... Yo, Ozzie, what have you got for me, man? Mehmet, I want you and Ali to take this explosive and hijack the moon and crash it into the US and Israel. But there was no air on the moon, and the terrorists did not have spacesuits. Someone had set them up the bomb! Their blood boiled and ignited. Aaaaarrrrggggh!!! Aaaaarrrrggggh!!!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Stop me if you've heard this before (episode 4 of 11) by kaufman 5-16-01

Banana. Banana who? Knock, knock! Who's there? Banana. Banana who?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Did you get that joke from your mom? You know I don't think you get what she means when she says she's getting payed well for working on the assembly floor.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

I think I should clarify the rules, because some people are posting strips that don't quite fit them. Your entries aren't supposed to actually be bad, they're just supposed to look bad. They should be the kind of strips that you'd glance at for a couple of seconds and think "Oh god, not another one of those." But then they should be funny -- for whatever reason -- once we take the time to read them.

So, for example, kaufman's latest ("Stop me if you've heard this before"), despite being funny, isn't going to win, because nothing seems immediately wrong with it. His previous one ("It worked for the Producers") is fine.

And so are most of the comics posted so far, so don't panic. I just thought some clarification would be useful. I've already laughed aloud at some of the entries. I'm enjoying this contest, even if no one else is.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

I just want you all to look at this and feel inspired.

hi by halospawn 4-14-01

.... hi, sweetie, we need to talk you're pregnant so i kicked you in the stomach ---- sorry

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Mediocrity at its most average.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

[Comic]36485[/comic]

I WILL WIN BECAUSE I HAVE NO RIGHT TO LIVE!

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

CC Contest Entry by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 9-28-01

L Ive been informed by the judges that doing the entire words to the WEEEEEEEE movie will get me disqualified. This got old sometime around the second coming of All Your Base o Shiggity Shiggity Shwa? LOL. ROFL. KTHXPLDBYE. STFU HOMOFAG! L And in closing , id just like to remind you all not to ever enter these contests. \o/ LOL. ROMEO AND JULIET IN L33TSP34K. PLDYUO CHRIS COUTTS

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

This was my random comic treat for today. I thought it was worth mentioning in this thread...

Bad Baba by bushcantread 7-11-01

The peaceful 22 amazon invites the korean 77 barb into the party to kill diablo.  Ok  KEK HUK INVITE BARB -[]-_-[]- Suddenly an ornate drops... hte barbarian gets it and leaves the game Ill use him to kill D and get the items! BABA TAKE ORNATE HUK HUK BABA LEAVE DIablo blows up the amazon. Ouch Boo

I read two of this guy's strips, and just couldn't make myself read the others.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

I am loving this.

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I LIVE!

We probably don't need to worry, because of the stipulation that the comic needs to be funny, but I submit this anyway as commentary, rather than an entry:

A CC67 Carol by kaufman 9-29-01

Evil_d_zer is visited by three ghosts I am the Ghost of Contests Past. I ask you to make a deal with Evil. If I can win this Contest, I'll do your bidding. I am the Ghost of Contests Present. You are to collect as much stupidity as is humanly possible. Ph33r m3!!!1111 4ll U b453 -R- B3l0ng 2 m3h. I am the Ghost of Contests Future. You will submit an ode to Toilet Seats. God, no! I repent, I repent! Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 67 - We Put the 'VI' in Evil_D by gabe_billings 9-29-01

fagbot vs dorkbot in a battle to the death you suck dorkbot. when i get done with you there wont be enough left of you to make an ashtray!!! DEATH RAY ON!!! phear /\/\y l337 5k1llz f@99it! aaaiiieeeeee!!!! CUT! You have to be fucking kidding me. Where the hell is Raoul? And somebody get me a fucking Evian. Who wrote this shit? An eight year old retard on speed? Give me a fucking break. And why do these prop assholes keep changing the backdrops in the middle of the fucking scenes? Chill, babe. It's cool. This is the new thing in comics these days. This stuff is hip. I mean cutting edge. Anything that makes sense is so yesterday. Now put on the donkey suit and let's go.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Hopefully, this is the dumbest comic I'll ever make.

CC 67: Thi by NeoVid 9-29-01

Moh.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

Thanks Obijo.

My right to live has once more been invalidated.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

You should make that your signature. :)OOOO (I call that the smiling tapeworm.)

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

This guy has only three comics, but they're all classics.

pipichef by bunnyfufu 7-20-01

wtf its pipichef in a garbage can hello hihi wtf why is he in teh garbage can i am in teh garbage can DEATH OMG i r teh alien suparbot in disguise

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

CC#67 DrUgZ=p00p by lemur68 9-30-01

~*~d00d want 2 try som eof tehse pills i dug uot the dumster @ teh pharmasy? i hear they pakc a awsom buzz~*~ OKAY d00d that was totaly weak YEH TOTALY,

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"America loves its kings, from George III to Larry." --HJS

Sweet inspiration

Shortz's Life. by shortz_eater88 7-12-01

Pvldmtra giving shortz a hard time. NO PEACE shortz! I'm gonna keep bugging you until you die...and even then I'm gonna bug you. Leave me alone already. Another Time...a.k.a shortz's last moments... HAHA! You are the most dumbest living thing on earth!...jeebus you are stupid. go away...I'm fealing really sick... shortz After Death....Pvl wasn't kidding when he said he'd bug shortz even after his death.... Hey shortz. You are a stupid mofo!....hey DUMBASS I"m talking to you!.......haha what a retard. .............

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Mediocrity at its most average.

You know what this comic is? Bad.

sexy jesus by cherryblossom 4-11-01

jane sure did love "sexy" jesus H christ hi jane hi sexy jesus what are you doing toneet? im gonna be giving you some loving can you climb? give me powers

I hereby claim the "Most Hated Contest Host" from whoever it was that ran that haiku contest, descolada I think.

Well, like I said, even if no one else enjoyed this, I did. I got a good laugh out of the entries, the inspiration, and the random not-quite-legal strips alike. In fact, some of the inspiration strips were hilarious, in a "that's so stupid it's funny" kind of way. Too bad they can't win. Thanks to those who posted them. And thanks to everyone for not sending me mailbombs. Unless you did and I haven't gotten them yet.

It was difficult, but I narrowed the selection down to the following entries:

crabby, man eats dogg but gets blown up by laser or brain power - lines like "it was love at first sight until the girl threatened to blow up the guy using mental powers of some sort" and "I HAVE DESTROYED YOU WITH SOME SORT OF BRAIN POWER OR MAYBE IT WAS A LAZER" made me giggle like a madman. Which I am.

kramer_vs_kramer, CC67 meh j00 - just for how over-the-top it was. You really fit everything in there.

DexX, CCLXVI - I feel cheap and dirty - it was almost frightening how well this emulated some of the crappy strips you can find here.

attitudechicka, CC: 67- No 53X - liked how this turned the stupidity around on its perpetrators.

bunnerabb, CC 67 - 3XPL371/3 D3L3373D!!1 - actual humor masked by L3375p33k; I was hoping we'd see more of it. (I had to take the backslash out of that title 'cause it screwed up the forum tags otherwise... weird.)

lemur68, CC#67 DrUgZ=p00p - a solid first effort; I liked the use of wirthling's head. Hope we'll see more of you.

I fretted a bit over whether choosing any of these would make me even more unpopular than I already was. Then I realized that they were all supposed to be stupid, and if people don't like the winning entry, that means it's done its job. So then I fretted some more over how I could pick only one when the others were so deserving. Then I told myself to stop that and just pick the one that made me laugh the most. So the winner is....

man eats dogg but gets blown up by laser or brain power by crabby 9-28-01

one day at the grassy in in north philly this girl met this guy and they said hi to each other.com HI!!!!!!!! I OWN THE NETHER REALM AND SO I OWN YOU DOGGG EAT KETTLE You dont understand my father owns a store where they exchange money for goods or services MENBAH so shut your eat hole promptly!!!!!!! it was love at first sight until the girl threatened to blow up the guy using mental powers of some sort I WILL NOW DESTROY YOU WITH SOME SORT OF MENTAL POWERS YOU CANNOT ESCAPE ME BECAUSE I AM WOMAN AND I AM STRONG!!!!!!! MENBAH your story put me to sleep you have no excuse to be a troll eating wench so take it back my dad knows attitude chicka so watch out then the girl blows up the guy using some sort of brain trick or maybe a laser but she did it and now he is that pillar of flames I HAVE DESTROYED YOU WITH SOME SORT OF BRAIN POWER OR MAYBE IT WAS A LAZER BUT YOU ARE FINISHED FOREVER MORE EAT FACE NOW PERISH IN THE COLD FIRE THAT YOU LAY IN MENBAH i am flames but i did nothing to deserve this MENBAH

Congratulations, crabby. Go easy on 'em next time; the poor kids deserve a break after this contest.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

I never had any doubts that I would win a make the stupidist strip possible contest.