Open Mike #74 by kaufman 10-22-01

I just flew in from Afghanistan, and boy, are my arms tired! Speaking of which, you know what the US Army will have once they find the Al Qaeda leader? An Osama Bin Latrine! Keep those fruits and veggies coming, I'm here all week.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

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CC74 - What came first- the Chicka or the egg?

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Do you realize how much I love you right now, kramer?

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Aw, shucks.

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Unfortunately, you coped my style and did it better than me.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

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Non-entry #3

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We can make it an entry if one of them was in for desertion :-)

Anyway, last night I saw the movie "Flesh Gordon". In one scene, the villain calls in three "rapist robots" to finish off the heroes. They may have been Clango-colored, but they were clearly Tobor, right down to the 15-inch spinning bladed phallic attachments.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 74: Doonesburied by kaufman 10-22-01

Ari, did you see the pictures of the President in Shanghai? Him and the others wearing native jackets? What of it, Dick? It looked like a freaking clown suit on him. How could this happen? It started with the '93 summit here -- everyone got US-type bomber jackets. So this is another prank by the Clinton gang? The Marines are ready, sir. Shall we bomb Arkansas?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

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We can make it an entry if one of them was in for desertion :-)

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uhm... YEAH! That's what I meant!

Somehow I think TOBOR would rip these boys a new one.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

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I love you too, kramer. And itsclark.
Down, boy.

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Well you're no Attitudechicka, but what the hey!
"Any port in a storm..."

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

I'll pick a winner in a couple hours. Get your last minute entries in now, folks...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Wirthling Doesn't Not Not Not Not Not Not Not Suck by gabe_billings 10-22-01

Wirthling sucks giant donkey cock. And he smells bad, too. That's your entry? Whose style is that supposed to be? What's this about an entry? Good grief.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Battlefield Physics (A TRIBUTE) by ElTigreMask2K 10-22-01

One day in the trench... ...So I said, "Well, those stealth bombers won't generate megatons by themselves." Ha ha! Soldier, what the fuck are you talking about?

This ones done in the style of the only comic creator who matters.

I already have the rules for the next contest planned, I'll post them after I've been announced winner.

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Menthol?

It makes me happy that you think of me that way.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

It makes me happy that you think of me that way.

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You merely imitated the style of the only comic creator who matters for which I am.

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Menthol?

OK, decision time...

There were many contenders (more than I feel like listing here) and I have truly had a difficult time picking the winner. In the end, I decided that this herculean effort by DexX was most deserving of a win...

How to win a comic contest in three easy steps by DexX 10-21-01

Step One: Make sure you follow all the rules... The United States of American has a military! Yes, I heard about that! Step Two: Make sure the first two panels set up a killer punchline in the third... I read in the newspaper that the US military is recruiting pink donkeys! Wow, I bet you're going to say something really funny about that.

Also, I liked the irony of kaufman (who should probably win far more of these things than he does, damn the judges!) losing to someone who was using kaufman's style. Ha ha!

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

I bet you're confused. So am I. I meant to post this comic by DexX as the winner...

CC74: Thinking like Kaufman hurts my brain. by DexX 10-21-01

So this guy Alf, a private, beta-tested the new gamma-ray gun down by the river delta. Didn't see it - Johnny Depp's ill on Oprah, and Catherine Zeta Jones was on earlier with Etan Hawke. Etan? You mean "Ethan". Wait, this doesn't matter an iota. I'm telling you about the private. He took a cap o' LSD, and fired that gun at a little lamb! Damn! Poor thing went "moo". I never knew they could happen. I saw Alf holding a boxy weapon. Oh, Mike Ronaldson said it was a device for cutting pie. Mike's an idiot - I once saw him row a speedboat. Tried to bum a cigarette, too - "Can I have a cig, Mark?" I just threw a towel at him. So... Johnny Dupp's ill on Oprah? Depp, not "Dupp". Do you find that the chiming of the bell at the asylum wakes you up? I'm always, "Oh, me Gaahhhd... what time is it?"

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Shut up, all of you...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

ElTigreMask won't be happy. Snubbed again!

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This ones done in the style of the only comic creator who matters.

I already have the rules for the next contest planned, I'll post them after I've been announced winner.

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Yes, but which of the five sets of rules I published (six if you count "What are the rules of this contest 3") will you choose to employ?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I consider myself a winner every time someone says I've submitted a good one, whether or not they're Da Judge. So just keep on picking official winners with the integrity of Pro Wrestling officials or the US Supreme Court :-), and I won't care in the least. It'll just mean I get to submit entries to the next Contest (except CCs 76-78 and 81-83, when I'll be in travel.)

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Ah, too bad. I was going to pick you as the winner in CC 82...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

CC 74: Recurse You, Red Baron! by kaufman 10-22-01

Good evening and welcome to a Very Special edition of Comic Strip Creator, dedicated to our brave servicepeople in South Asia.. This comic will be in the style of ElTigreMask2K doing a comic in the style of kaufman doing a comic in the style of ElTigreMask2K doing a comic in the style of kaufman doing ...

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Ah, too bad. I was going to pick you as the winner in CC 82...

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That's okay, just submit "Six Asian Girls" for me. It may even be rules-compliant. If that matters.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I've often crashed NT with recursive algorithms written in Ada. Not a pretty sight.

Ah, too bad. I was going to pick you as the winner in CC 82...

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Little arrogant to assume I'm picking you for 81.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

No more arrogant than your assumption that I'm picking you for 80.

Is this wearing thin yet?

Ah, too bad. I was going to pick you as the winner in CC 82...

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Little arrogant to assume I'm picking you for 81.

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If you promise to pick wirthling, I'll pick you in 80.

Remember, I'll be back to earn 79.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

You mean prise it from my cold fingers.