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Zaster
Wait for it...

Member Rated:

Then my works here is done.

BTW, Jessica Simpson destroyed my anus with a 16" strap-on. And I loved every second of it.

Now my work here is done.

---
I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

8-16-06 5:04pm (new)
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boorite
crazy knife lady

Member Rated:

quote:

BTW, Jessica Simpson destroyed my anus with a 16" strap-on.

You mean you paid to see The Dukes of Hazzard?

---
What others say about boorite!

8-16-06 5:14pm (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

quote:
You refuse to watch Citizen Kane...

Um... any particular reason you don't want to be "subjected" to what's considered by 99% of film critics to be the best movie ever?

In fact, movies 1-6 on this list are damn good. And so is 11 for that matter.

Godfather is another film I can't believe someone on planet Earth hasn't seen yet. And yet you found time to watch "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers".. *shudder*


Most of the reason I refuse to see those movies is because I wasn't that interested in watching them anyway, no matter how people praised them. In fact, the more people praised them and told me that my life was meaningless because I didn't watch some movie that they did, the less I wanted to see it. Now, it's gotten to the point where I admit that I am a horrible human being because I didn't watch a movie. The next person who tells me I simply must see Braveheart will get disemboweled.

So, you want to hear my reasons for not wanting to watch movies that "everyone else" wants me to watch? Here you go:

1. Braveheart - My dad's evil psycho bitch girlfriend who worshipps everything with pink lace teddy bears discovered I hadn't seen this movie yet (it had just come out three months prior) so she sat me down and for four fucking hours gave me a detailed, scene-by-scene reenactment of this movie. She elaborated on Mel Gibson's butt more than anything and having never thought he was attractive to begin with, I found myself very sickened. And now that the movie is associated with she-bitch, I would rather pull out my own teeth than see it.

2. Brokeback Mountain - I read the story. It was okay. Annie Proulx has a chip on her shoulder and needs the stick taken out of her ass. Just because I live in Wyoming, doesn't mean I have to inhale everything about it.

3. The Godfather - I never had much of an interest in the movie and people have decided I'm a horrible person with no sense of taste because of it and the more they tell me I simply must see it because otherwise I'm a bad person, the less I want to.

4. Scarface - I actually wanted to see it, but it was either heavily edited on a channel with commercials, was on movie channels when I didn't have them, was finally available at the rental place when I was broke, and no one I knew had it. By the time I finally was able to see it, I was told how horrible I was because I hadn't seen it yet. That's when I started not caring and loathing it on principle.

5. Rocky I - See #3

6. Master and Commander - There has to be a point when the constant Russell Crowe lust over his epic "historical" dramas needs to stop. Personally, I can't stand the man. And again, people tell me I simply must see this movie. Mostly because Russell Crowe is "hot." I tend to see him as "sweaty and gross."

7. Napoleon Dynamite - People went nuts over a movie I had absolutely no interest in seeing. Merchandising went crazy over something I didn't care about anyway. I figure, no matter how many talking bobbleheads are out there, why do I have to see a movie I don't want to watch anyway?

8. Passion of the Christ - 18 years of bible school hell and being forced to watch a Passion play every goddamned summer. Yeah, I'm first in line.

9. Patriot - Another Mel Gibson historical drama. I don't like him and I only like historical dramas when they are more historical than drama thinly veiled as patriotic propaganda. Fifteen minutes of this and I turned it off.

10. The New World - By this time I can't tell if it's another Mel Gibson or Russell Crowe movie and either way I don't care.

11. Gladiator - Again, one of those "gee, someone I can't stand in a movie that's historically inaccurate that everyone thinks I'm a bad person because I haven't seen yet." Rome wasn't white, it looked like Vegas. And female gladiators were topless. Until I'm promised a topless female gladiator, I will never see this. Plus, Russell Crowe is hideous.

12. Citizen Kane - I had a slight interest in this movie. I actually managed to go ten years without ever really knowing anything about it. Then people started telling me about the whole movie, even after I said "I haven't seen it yet. I would like to. Please don't ruin it for me." Now, I don't care if I die before I ever see it.

13. Be Cool - Look, ever since I mistakenly saw Terminator 2 before Terminator, I've had this policy where I don't watch a sequel until I see the first one. So I will not see this one until I see Get Shorty. And a friend of mine is relentless in trying to make me watch it, even though I told her I have to see Get Shorty first. Then she insists I don't need to see Get Shorty first, but not only do I want to see Get Shorty before I see Be Cool, I just want to see Get Shorty anyway. But by this time, I'm so sick of telling her that, I don't want to see Be Cool anymore because I'm sick of her constantly bitching at me.

14. Chicago - Never cared for it, never wanted to see it, fortunately people have ignored me on this. However, all it will take is three people telling me I have to see it and any residual interest I might have to see it if it came on late at night on HBO will vanish.

15. My Big Fat Greek Wedding - My mother recommended it. She's the one that forced me to see The English Patient and half on that whole list. I'm not about to see anything she recommends anymore, unless I saw it first.

16. American Pie - Everyone thought this was the shit and told me as much. Constantly. Seeing as how I really don't like teen dramas anyway, why would I want to see "hilarious" teen hijinks movies when I outgrew them when I was 12?

17. The Client - Yay, one of those Tom Clancy/John Grisham movies that all are the same and I can't keep straight. These all seem to come out near the same time and I can't keep them straight and after a while they blend in anyway. Same with Crowe/Gibson movies.

18. The Fugitive - My mother spent my entire childhood bitching at me to do my homework instead of watching tv, even if I had no homework and finished all my chores. Then the one fucking day I had to complete a project that actually took some effort, she decided we had to watch this movie. I wanted to see it, but I had to finish my project, which I had worked my ass off on and needed to finish the last bits before I turned it in the next day. She wouldn't shut the fuck up and insisted I watch it. So instead, I refused to watch a movie to do my homework. As a result, she grounded me and sent me to a room to do my homework instead of watching The Fugitive. Somehow, I really don't want to see it anymore.

19. Clear and Present Danger - See #17

20. Four Weddings and a Funeral - This should be in the "Forced to watch by my mother" list. I mistyped it. But considering I don't remember anything about it except a desire to hiss and make the sign of the cross, it can stay.

Look, if I don't particularly care about seeing a movie, I'm not going to go out of my way to see it. I might watch it if it comes on a movie channel late at night or during the day when I'm just sitting around. I have nothing particularly against that movie. What I do have something against are the people that tell me I'm a horrible person because I don't want to see some movie I have no interest in anyway and even more the people who think I'm horrible because I haven't had a chance to see it yet.

I'm not about to go tell someone they're horrible person because they haven't seen The Pianist or [/i]Tremors.[/i] In fact, I won't insist they see it either. At most I'd tell the person that I liked the movie and if they are interested in Holocaust drama or giant underground monsters eating people, then they might enjoy them as well. But I refuse to tell someone they simply must see a movie because I or 99% of the population thought it was good and then proceed to mock the person with airs of superiority if they haven't. It's fucking rude and all it does to me is make me not want to see your damned "masterpiece" movie, no matter how many gross sweaty Russell Crowes are in there.

And as for the Power Rangers movie, I didn't realize I'm supposed to stick to high-brow stuff all the time. It was a piece of fluff that I saw with a friend because we were bored out of our mind living in Arkansas with a movie rental place that only had Southern Baptist approved rentals and the nearest theater or place to buy movies were an hour and a half away. Most of the movies on this list were banned from that rental place. Power Rangers was unintentionally hilarious and I'm glad I saw it. It certainly killed time between church and sunday school and kept us from killing ourselves.

And yes, I am hostile and bitchy in this post because I'm fucking sick and tired of wanting to see a movie and being judged as inferior just because I haven't gotten around to seeing it yet or don't want to see it. And the more people tell me this, the less I want to see it. So now I want to see all those movies on that list less than ever.

8-16-06 5:20pm (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

I have no idea what that's like at all.

8-16-06 5:21pm (new)
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Vegeta27
Member - Tobor Fan Club

Member Rated:

Heres a Movie I hate I for got to Put War of The Worlds {New One And Old One.}

---
If stupididy got us In this mess why can't it get us Out of it?

8-16-06 5:25pm (new)
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ArtemisStrong
masturbating to Japanese shit porn

Member Rated:

My brother and I had a good time watching and rewatching Battlefield Earth when they were playing it twenty times a week a couple years back. We would laugh non-stop through every viewing.

I think the problem with the film lies in the disparity in the acting choices of the leads. Travolta and Whitaker ham it up as the "superior" aliens, playing it for the camp they knew the script was. Reminiscent of Heavy Metal's better moments.

But Barry Pepper and the rest of the humans play it so earnest and heartfelt it's very jarring to the average viewer.

And ivy's right. The more people say you MUST see a movie, the less appealling it becomes. For me this would be Napolean Dynamite.

Saying I liked it though is deceptive. It is crap that is fun to mock.

But what of Logan's Run? Now there is a movie I do love that by all rights should be crappy, but somehow isn't. I think it lies in the basic concept of the story's world. Definitely one of those few movies I think actually could benefit from a remake. The best thing from the original is probably Richard Jordan and Michael York. York characterization of the character is surprisingly refined for sci-fi, allowing the character to be complex and contradictory and his moral evolution to be subtle and unique.

Upon reviewing it a month or so ago I was also caught off guard by the ending for the first time. Watching it as a teen, I thought "Jolly good. Everything worked out all right." Now, though, I sense, especially in York's performance, an underlying sense of uncertainty about the choices made and the resolution gained. The world, at film's end, is worshipping a senile old man. Somehow I missed that when I was younger.

---
Ham-fisted ham fisting.

8-16-06 5:31pm (new)
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ArtemisStrong
masturbating to Japanese shit porn

Member Rated:

Ed. Note: The Napolean Dynamite sentence should be at the end of that post, not halfway through.

---
Ham-fisted ham fisting.

8-16-06 5:32pm (new)
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Inflatable_Man
Heart stopper. Hip hopper. Pill popper.

Member Rated:

So you don't watch movies because other people tell you you're a bad person for not watching them? Ummm... okay, so what? Fuck em. If you're honestly not interested in what other people think, then that shouldn't sway you one way or the other, including deterring you from seeing it.

Fuck, some girl broke up with me in the MIDDLE of watching "A Beautiful Mind" on-screen in the theatre. Sure, that left me with a sour taste in regards to the movie for a time, but since then I've moved on and watched it again and I don't let that experience affect my enjoyment of the film.

---
Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

8-16-06 5:33pm (new)
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Inflatable_Man
Heart stopper. Hip hopper. Pill popper.

Member Rated:

Uh... that last post was to ivy.

---
Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

8-16-06 5:33pm (new)
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boorite
crazy knife lady

Member Rated:

quote:

Fuck, some girl broke up with me in the MIDDLE of watching "A Beautiful Mind" on-screen in the theatre.

You should have shown her "a beautiful cock!" Ha ha!

---
What others say about boorite!

8-16-06 5:43pm (new)
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ArtemisStrong
masturbating to Japanese shit porn

Member Rated:

Sure it was.

Now show me your beautiful cock!

---
Ham-fisted ham fisting.

8-16-06 5:45pm (new)
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ArtemisStrong
masturbating to Japanese shit porn

Member Rated:

Uh... that last sentence was for boorite.

---
Ham-fisted ham fisting.

8-16-06 5:46pm (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

Except it's constant and unrelenting. Especially with a couple friends who won't stop pushing any Crowe, Gibson, Godfather, or Travolta movie on me. If I didn't know any better I'd say boorite's presence got them to shut up about it because up until a year ago all I heard was how I had to see some movie after I said "I'm not interested and don't want to see it."

I've started to pretend I have seen a movie I really haven't just so I don't have to go through the crap again. Even if I actually want to see a movie, I'll pretend I've seen it because I don't want some asshole berating me for never having seen it until it gets to the point where I can't even think of it without hearing people bitching in my head. It would be great to go out and see every damned movie I want to at once, but considering how full the DVR's hard drive is, the movies of boorite's I haven't watched, my own movies I haven't watched, and the mental list I have of everything I want to watch, it's going to take a while for me to get around to Lethal Weapon.

If one person tells me I must see a movie, it doesn't bother me. But when people have been telling me to see Braveheart since it came out, my desire to see it is directly proportional to their combined enthusiasm for it. It's tiring to hear that all the time. It's not just one person (except my mom) doing this it's pretty much everyone. Except boorite and my brother.

Why can't people just say "I think you'll like such-and-such movie" rather than "I can't believe you've never seen such-and-such movie" and then harp on it every time they can when the topic of movies comes up?

Plus, if you knew my mother, you'd realize how many movies she's ruined for me, even when I liked the movie and watched it. I really really liked Sense and Sensibility but her constant insulting of my intelligence and insisting I didn't comprehend its true meaning (this to a kid who was reading college level in 4th grade), leaves such a bad taste in my mouth that all I remember is her bitching, not how good the movie was.

And another thing: Why don't people do this with books? Why do people never insist I have to read Animal Farm or A Clockwork Orange? Why is it always the movies I simply must see? (Note: Harry Potter books are excluded from this as everyone, including my mother insists I must read them and my mother even forced me to read the first one).

8-16-06 5:54pm (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

I agree totally. I missed the movie when I was growing up (banned from the rental place) but I read a copy of the book that was written from the movie. When I finally scored a copy of the movie, I was amazed how it wasn't crappy (I kept expecting it to be).

As long as they don't do to a Logan's Run remake what they're doing to The Wicker Man remake. *twitch*

8-16-06 5:58pm (new)
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fpd
Doctor of Fine Parody

Member Rated:

There may be others I don't remember well, but here is a list of the ten worst I can remember right now. There are probably some very dull live action Disney movies that should be on the list, but thankfully my memory of them is too faint.

10. E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial - My least favorite Spielberg movie. Its soundtrack is a zit on the career of John Williams.

9. The Ninth Gate - A lame horror movie that didn't make good use of the lovely Lena Olin.

8. Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet - A disappointing science fiction movie I bought on a DVD at a dollar store. Astronauts go to Venus, find evidence of a civilation there, and try to find the Venusians. Throughout the movie, I was expecting that things would start getting more interesting once they met the Venusians. But the movie ends without them ever meeting the Venusians.

7. Father of the Bride - This movie has the redeeming feature of starring the incredibly lovely Kimberly Williams, but like According to Jim, it doesn't make good use of her. In contrast to a gem like Lucky 7, this movie stinks. Also, Steve Martin wasn't especially funny in this movie.

6. Lightspeed - Perhaps the lamest superhero movie I have ever seen. The special effects were nothing compared to the Flash TV series. The main villain is a rip off of the Lizard, and the twist ending about who the mole is is rather lame and contrived.

5. Little Women - The dullest movie I have ever seen Winona Ryder, Claire Danes, or Kirsten Dunst in.

4. Citizen Kane - This movie was so incredibly dull it boggles the mind why anyone thinks it is a classic.

3. Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle - This movie about Dorothy Parker was so dull I walked out of the theater without watching it all.

2. Night of the Ghouls - A really boring movie by Ed Wood. Unlike Plan 9, it wasn't even so bad it was good. It was just dull. I returned the tape to the library without watching it all.

1. Prospero's Books - John Gielgud reads all the lines from Shakespeare's Tempest, and a naked boy pisses in a swimming pool while standing on a swing. The movie was hard to follow, even though I had previously read the Tempest, and visually unappealing.

Besides these movies, there are a few I have stopped watching very early in the movie, mainly for aesthetic reasons. These include The Borrowers, Resident Evil, and Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

8-16-06 7:37pm (new)
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DragonXero
I'm Here, You're Queer, Get Used to it

Member Rated:

Movies I will not watch: (no particular order)

1. Titanic (that fucking song is enough to keep me away, let alone the story)
2. Brokeback Mountain (I don't care if it's not *about* gay men, it's a romantic drama. Romantic ______s suck.)
3. Scream (I like my horror movies to be unintentionally funny, intentionally funny or just plain visceral)
4. The Omen (Remake, I fucking hate remakes of movies less than 50 years old)
5. King Kong (I didn't like the original all that much, and Jack Black, in my opinion, thinks he's Belushi. He's not.)
6. Poseidon (Yet another remake of a movie that's nowhere near old enough to be remade. No thanks.)
7. Jersey Girl (No explaination needed)
8. World Trade Center (Oh can I please pay a bunch of talentless hacks to traipse all over a tragedy? PLEASE?!)
9. The Blair Witch Project (Please. Can I just see the original movie, Cannibal Holocaust?)
10. Rocky (Any) (I don't care for boxing to begin with, and am quite happy I've never seen any of these movies)

Frankly, I like most of the movies I've seen, because I rarely take a chance with movies I have a feeling I'm going to hate. In fact, I've been forced to watch some I thought I was going to hate, and liked them. I liked Gangs of New York, despite DiCaprio. I liked Fight Club, despite my previous dislike of the prettyboy. I enjoyed the Matrix sequels, but was still pissed off that it ended with that perfect happy ending. I somewhat enjoyed the 13th Warrior. I do quite dislike Chasing Amy though. I was mildly disappointed with Superman Returns, but I can dig it. V for Vendetta was disappointing as hell, but at least the action was somewhat mindless and fun.

I like movies that a lot of other people absolutely hate. I love Hellboy. I actually enjoyed the Prequel Star Wars episodes, despite the numerous flaws. Hell, I even got into The One and Bulletproof Monk. I guess I like stupid movies. They don't all have to be brilliant artsy movies for me to like them. Though I do enjoy movies that are considered to be great. 2001, Clockwork Orange, Apocalypse Now, in fact, most of the Kubrick collection is up there on my top 100. I liked Citizen Kane, but I wouldn't sit back and watch it on a lazy Saturday night. It's one of those movies I'm glad I saw, but at the same time, have no desire to see again.
Oh, and I didn't like the Chocolate Factory remake, yet I enjoyed Resident Evil. Granted, I liked 28 Days Later better, and Shaun of the Dead is an instant classic to me.

---
Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

8-17-06 3:19am (new)
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crabby
I have an awesome avatar.

Member Rated:

Rocky IV is a stupid movie classic. It isn't about boxing, it's about the Cold War and brain damage.

8-17-06 6:59am (new)
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Inflatable_Man
Heart stopper. Hip hopper. Pill popper.

Member Rated:

And Paulie's disturbing sexual obsession over a robot.

---
Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

8-17-06 7:12am (new)
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Inflatable_Man
Heart stopper. Hip hopper. Pill popper.

Member Rated:

MOVIES I HAVENOT SEEN BY INFLATERABLE MNAN!!!1

THE GODFATHER III (More like Grandfather 3, cuz all the characters are old and boring in it... oooh, the Pope! Who gives a shit? Get a fucking Popemobile! Shoulda learned your lesson last time, Jesus-boy...)

FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH (If I wanted to see Sean Penn acting stupid I would rent "I am Sam"... or look at that picture of him punching out a photographer)

WHEN HARRY MET SALLY (When Harry met some crazy slut-whore-bitch who gets herself off in the middle of Delis while kids are eating around her is more like it...)

RAGING BULL (More like Raging... um... bull ... moving on...)

HOME ALONE 3 and 4 (Like watching a Star Wars prequel only if you know Jar-Jar is gonna be slaughtered, I would only watch one of those lame-ass franchise killers if I knew for a fact that the next one would have Kevin being duct-taped in a basement, tortured, sodomized and then killed... "Home Alone 5: Jon Benet Ramsey" that's a movie I wanna see (omg topical))

MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE (Just kidding! I've seen that :)

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (Who needs a made-up 2001 when the real one was blockbusteriffic enough, right, Oliver Stone?)

SIXTEEN CANDLES, BREAKFAST CLUB and that one movie about the cool kid from the 50's who died in a car wreck who then comes back as an angel in a leather-jacket to stop some lame kid from the 80's getting bullied and also impart life lessons and then at the end he finds out he's his long lost father(!!!) but the reunion is short and bittersweet cuz he flies off to heaven, but it's okay cuz lame 80's kid is suddenly cool 80's kid with a girlfriend who puts out. It was called something-something)

ARBITRARY LIST ENDS HERE!!

I haven't seen any of the above movies (except Manos). Some I haven't seen because they don't interest me, others I've just been lazy and should see. None because some fuckhead told me I should or shouldn't see it.

---
Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

8-17-06 7:36am (new)
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boorite
crazy knife lady

Member Rated:

In case you missed these movies

Titanic: The boat sinks.
Brokeback Mountain: The two cowboys are gheying each other.
Scream: He's in the house.
The Omen: The kid is the Antichrist, but for real, not like normal kids.
King Kong: The ape falls off a building and dies.
Poseidon: The boat flips over.
Jersey Girl: New Jersey is a festering shithole.
World Trade Center: The buildings fall down.
The Blair Witch Project: Inspires millions of equally bad homemade parodies.
Rocky: The boxer runs all the way to the top of the stairs and jumps around.

---
What others say about boorite!

8-17-06 8:54am (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

No no no, I don't watch it because "some fuckhead" tells me to watch it, I don't because "every fuckhead on the planet" tells me I'm a lesser person unless I see it and demand I drop everything to see it.

Now, when people tell me to not watch a movie, then I see it just to spite them.

In other words, I refuse to do what people tell me to do.

8-17-06 12:51pm (new)
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Vegeta27
Member - Tobor Fan Club

Member Rated:

quote:
Movies I will not watch: (no particular order)

3. Scream (I like my horror movies to be unintentionally funny, intentionally funny or just plain visceral)

Anybody Hear about the copy cat Killer of Scream?

---
If stupididy got us In this mess why can't it get us Out of it?

8-17-06 1:54pm (new)
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Inflatable_Man
Heart stopper. Hip hopper. Pill popper.

Member Rated:

Okay, so what was better... Gigli or Howard the Duck?

---
Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

8-17-06 2:23pm (new)
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Vegeta27
Member - Tobor Fan Club

Member Rated:

There was aslo Copy cat Chucky the Killer doll killers
Two Preschool Kids Killed a two year old

---
If stupididy got us In this mess why can't it get us Out of it?

8-17-06 2:34pm (new)
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boorite
crazy knife lady

Member Rated:

quote:
There was aslo Copy cat Chucky the Killer doll killers
Two Preschool Kids Killed a two year old

LOL

---
What others say about boorite!

8-17-06 3:27pm (new)
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