It's heavy as hell, but it's also COOL AS CRAP!

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Our liability coverage is zero. Our balls however are enormous.

[IMG]http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h65/blachtree/5673214.jpg[/IMG]

Did you know that a cellphone has more bacteria on it than a toilet seat? Remember that when you're text voting for some untalented pudknocker on American Idol or yapping (at a decibel level rivaled only by a jet engine) to your friend about your erectile dysfunction problem in a crowded room.

Better yet, jam that cellphone up your ass. You'll probably clean it off.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

But it still doesn't have nearly as many bacteria as that crusty, burrito-stained keyboard you've been hammering on with those scabrous sausage links you call fingers.

Think about that next time you mash out a drunken fanboy E-mail to your favorite female mud wrestler.

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

That's like saying there's more grease in a hamburger than in a salad.

Friend of mine works for Alltel. He would like to strangle people, I think:

woodsmoke81: we had tornadoes and bad, bad lightning storms the past 2 days
IvyThePlantae: yeah, i saw you guys were getting slammed by some massive counterclockwise-rotating storm that took up the whole midwest
woodsmoke81: it was non-stop lightning and thunder and sirens... it was crazy
woodsmoke81: I was at work and was on the phone with some bitch from Kentucky complaining that her phone and DSL were out and that she "Had to watch Dr. Phil" and how we were majorly inconveniencing her by making her miss Dr. Phil
woodsmoke81: I said "Ma'am, we're currently under a tornado warning here, and we have to take cover. I will finish your trouble ticket when I get back."
woodsmoke81: She had the nerve to say "I don't care if you have a tornado warning, fix my phone!!!!"
woodsmoke81: she started to cuss me out and I was like "Ma'am... Ma'am... MA'AM, I HAVE TO GO NOW"

woodsmoke81: being a phone repair rep really sucks
woodsmoke81: it pays $11 an hour, but still, it sucks... I take 100+ calls a day of angry people who are absolutely crazy and think their world is falling apart because their phone is out of service
woodsmoke81: and 90% of the time, it's due to areawide outages from thunderstorms or hurricanes
woodsmoke81: and all of them are either 1.) dying 2.) have cancer 3.) are pregnant or 4.) run a home business and therefore MUST have their phone NOW
woodsmoke81: I had a lady say "I am 10 1/2 months pregnant and I need my phone to call my obstetrician"

I'm so glad I came back to this place.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

I know, huh?

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

[IMG]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b5/boorite/phone.jpg[/IMG]

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What others say about boorite!

She thinks: "Ohmigod! I am SO cute standing here talking on my cell phone that I'll strike the CUTEST post! Teehee!"

We think: "Target practice."

[IMG]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b5/boorite/7jntqmqqw9vr8peevebh0b7fwz3opgd5.jpg[/IMG]

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What others say about boorite!

I have one of those handsets.

Now, if I could just find my cell phone...

[IMG]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b5/boorite/2-playerimage.jpg[/IMG]

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What others say about boorite!

According to Google, this is a picture of a "cell phone."

[IMG]http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c12/ivytheplant/cowboy.jpg[/IMG]

ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring BANANA PHONE!

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The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

Strangely, Google thinks this is a picture of "phone whore":

[IMG]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b5/boorite/inbox108661O1127942463.jpg[/IMG]

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What others say about boorite!

This thread just got a whole lot better.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

I thought we weren't allowed to post tits because it offended certain users.

Man ass is still okay though.

[IMG]http://i64.photobucket.com/albums/h196/Swamp_Lummox/elvishorsearse3535.jpg[/IMG]

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Kill Whitey.

Aight, Lisa Marie, I gotcha a damn pony.

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

[IMG]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b5/boorite/phonedog.jpg[/IMG]

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What others say about boorite!

According to Google, this is a phone fucker.

..

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Poop.

I walked out of a resteraunt today and the first thing I saw outside was this kid who couldn't have been over seven years old yakkin away on a cell phone. Who the fuck does he have to call? What the fuck would they talk about?

Boy1: Biwwy wike, totawwy stuck a cwayon up her nose, the stupid dipshit.
Boy2: Yeah I know. He showd weawwy go fuck a twee.
Boy1: Oh, did you get to see the new stack of contwuction papew at schoow today? It was totawwy top of the wine.
Boy2: No way, man. I was too busy stawing at Miss Andewsons totawwy fine ass. I'd wike to bang that shit wike a fuckin' dwum.

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More lust than you can shake a stick at.

Here is a poem I wrote about people who use cel phones:

Cell phone fuckers
Beep-beep! Smash!
Flabbity creech gibble gorp,
You are dead.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

cellphone haiku

your call cannot be
completed as dialed please leave
a message at tone

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xx( o Y o. )xx