CC96: Obligatory Free Tech Support by wirthling 1-29-02

Hi, yes, I'm having a problem with this computer whatsit. I tried pushing and tapping on the thingie and then I saw that thing with the blue boxes but it wouldn't let me say anything. Can you fix it? Hi, mom.

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

CC 96: At Your Service! by kaufman 1-29-02

I really don't mind the bug report forum so much, except when bozos keep making the same complaint over and over again.. Where's the splat prop? ... What happened to the splat icon? ... I wanna use the splat in a comic ... Brad, where's the splat? ... All fixed.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

And it's the Wrong Color and Size by israphael 1-29-02

Thank you for calling the Spankling's Secret. How may I help you? Yes, I ordered from your catalog the inflatable boyfriend and I'm having some problems. I see. Are you having difficulty inflating it... trouble inserting the batteries... or is problem that the item does not look life-like enough for you? No it's not that. In fact, I think it looks very life-like. My question is... why is it so ugly?

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

Based on a true story.

CC 96: Why My CD Burner Doesn't Work by deucepm 1-29-02

I'm sorry, your computer is out of warranty. If you want me to help you, it'll cost both your legs. But-- "But?" Did you just say "but?" Now it's gonna cost your first born, all your worldly goods and a big sloppy blowjob. I-- Listen, bitch, you don't seem to understand. I am your God now. Now if you want tech support, you're gonna have to give oral to my mom and dad while wearing a frog suit. Was money even a possibility?

CC 96: Strip Support by BigEvilDan 1-29-02

Fatal error in website STRIPCREATOR.COM: Punchline not found. Press F5 to reboot Stripcreator, and submit another strip.. Or just press ENTER to submit your stupid piece of crap.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

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Batman created by Bob Kane

CC 96: Torch Support by BigEvilDan 1-29-02

Tech Support? Og having trouble with fire you sell him. Let me guess...you're burning, right? Yes. How you know? It seems to be a common problem. We're working on a patch for it, sir. How long? Og not think he can wait. It could be a while. We're running out of beta testers who aren't deep-fried...

CC 96: Supporting Tech by BigEvilDan 1-29-02

What brings you here? I'm having some problems with my humans. The male has loaded me up with all sorts of programming tools and databases. That is totally within the normal operating perameters for the Geek model. I don't see the problem. No, no, no. It's a compatibility issue: his wife installed AOL on me. I'm so sorry. I'm afraid there's nothing I can do. Not even kill me?

Not an entry (the demerits would kill it), but I don't think this could be allowed to slip by...

Cowboy Support by BigEvilDan 1-29-02

Hello, Tech Support? I'm not getting any gravitons from my rotor turbines. There must be a defect. Just send them back and you should get the new ones in a couple of days. Wow. I wasn't expecting that.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Almost makes me sorry about the in-jokes rule.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Funny, I thought malfunctioning turbines were the reason for the in-joke rule.

Or was it malfunctioning red robots?

Anyway, Dan, that's why I created the "Not an Entry" thread in Read My Damn Comics -- as a repository for the illegal entries you still had to create.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

a veriation of a classic comic

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Batman created by Bob Kane

quote:

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Funny, I thought malfunctioning turbines were the reason for the in-joke rule.

Or was it malfunctioning red robots?

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CC96: Santa's Tech Support Line by fpd 1-29-02

North Pole Tech Support. What's the problem? Yes, the death ray Santa left me isn't working. It's just a toy death ray. Well, then, shouldn't it kill toys? It doesn't even affect them. I mean the death ray is a toy, not a real ray gun. Dammit! I asked Santa for a real death ray! How does Santa expect me to maintain my faith in Christianity if he won't deliver what I ask for?

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

quote:

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a veriation of a classic comic

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No-Show by TheElPaso 1-30-02

Tech support here, what's the problem? After following the instructions on the television I bought from you, I can hear sound but get no picture. Did you try turning it around?

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My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. -Weird Al Yankovic

CC 96: Over 99 Billion Wrecked by kaufman 1-30-02

Hello, McDonald's tech support, how can I help you? Yeah, I just went through the drive-through and got a Big Mac, but it has lettuce on it. I asked for no lettuce! Okay, relax. I want you to remove the top bun, you see a piece of lettuce there? I want you to take it in your right hand and .... *SKREEEEE-BANG!* *click* It's pretty gruesome. Looks like he was holding a cell phone, a pencil, a piece of paper, a piece of lettuce, and half a sesame-seed bun. Why can't they concentrate on the road?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Tokyo Fell by kaufman 1-30-02

EarthCo Tech Support, how may I help you? Hi, my Honshu is getting a bit overpopulated. Could you do something about that? AIIIIEEEEEE!!!!! GODZILLA!!!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Tech Fu - Just Another Day at the Office by djsparkydog 1-29-02

It's a hardware problem, but that's okay, we can fix it. Do you have a sodering iron, a masters in electrical engineering, and an industrial grade clean room? Customer: Are you mocking me? Damn right I am Customer: Just checking

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HAH! GORILLA, right there!

aah man, if it wasnt for the typo in soldering and the shitty "[name of person speaking]:" thing then i would absolutely love that comic

also if it was russel pointing when he said damn right

is it russel i mean?

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Who knows what fear lurks in the hearts of men? MIKE BOBSICO KNOWS! And if you give him a decent tip when he delivers your mail , he might tell you.

Nope. Tyler.

Only three responses to that:
The first:
I did this strip at work two days ago during a 14 hour tech support shift. Spelling was secondary to maintaining life support. I'm lucky I spelled any of it right.

And the second: The customer part says "name of person speaking" because when a voice comes out of the computer it's usually the computer talking in my strip. Look at the main comic and it'll make sense.

Lastly... I've been at my desk so long I can't feel my legs. Someone kill me please.

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HAH! GORILLA, right there!

I would have gotten around that 'is it the PC or someone online speaking?' problem by using the phone prop instead of the PC prop. Then again, I suck.

I'd come kill you but I'm tied to a phone, too. Maybe if I had a wireless headset...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

quote:

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I'd come kill you but I'm tied to a phone, too. Maybe if I had a wireless headset...

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I'm an Earthlink Tier II tech... It just doesn't get anymore low-brow than that... but I am getting paid to sit around and type this... that's kind of comforting.

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HAH! GORILLA, right there!

I love my job by boorite 4-12-01

REFERENCE DESK Mr. Librarian, I can't find any books for my Master's thesis on educational technology. And you're too stupid to see the irony. OK, just click where it says "library catalog"-- Whoa, you mean I use this remote control? It's a mouse, you fuckwit. You're not very user-friendly. Take that back or I'll bury this phone in your head.

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What others say about boorite!

tech suckit by xpac 1-30-02

wtf Hey WWF tech support why am I, xpac, the world's best wrestler ever not the WWF champion? Let's face it, Jericho sucks. Dick.

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we're sending our love down the WE-ELL-ELL-ELL! WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW!