CC97: Much Closer by fuzzyman 2-01-02

Are looking for a way to bring your family closer together? Looking for a way to pass the time? Hey, Bro. Hey, Sis. Have you considered Incest? It's convenient and it just feels plain good! Try some today! Wanna do it? Okay. Warning: This message brought to you by the Western Kentucky Department of Inbreeding Research. Wait... Did y'all bring protection? Sure did! I gots mah hound dog tied to the tree over yonder!

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

CC97: A Half-Life is Better than None, Part 1 by wirthling 2-01-02

We at PetroCo care about you and the environment. I'm here at our Lexington refinery to talk to you about Gammaline® irradiated gasoline. We know that some so-called environmentalists have doubts that Gammaline® is truly eco-friendly. Well, we just, uh, we wanted to, um... Um, I mean, uh, we know that, uh--ok, what the hell is that thing?! Hi, mom! I'm on TV! Whooooooooo!!!

CC97: A Half-Life is Better than None, Part 2 by wirthling 2-01-02

Hi, Jon here again to talk about Gammaline® and the environment. Reports of giant, mutated bugs have been greatly exaggerated. I'm here to say that--ah, fuck. I'm outta here! GAMMALINE® !!!! GAAAAAHHHH!!!!

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

CC97: A Half-Life is Better than None, Part 3 by wirthling 2-01-02

OK, so we've had some problems with Gammaline®. We think we've figured out the problem. Look, see? That squirrel is fine. *chitter* It's our guarantee to you that--what's wrong with the squirrel? Why is it running away? Oh, I see. Damn. *skreeeeee!* That does it! I quit! That does it! I quit!

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

CC 97: Give me liberty, or give me commercials! by kaufman 2-01-02

Fly, my African pet! Swarm, sting and kill ... Hi, I'm Death. You know me, but you probably don't realize the benefits I bring to your community. I'm the number one source of permanent pain relief, and the number one cure for overpopulation and famine. I'm a satisfied customer. But if for some reason you're not, you can get your money and your life back, no questions asked (as long as you're Hindu or Buddhist). Why, my services have been the top-selling gift to mimes for over thirty consecutive years. So why not try death? It won't kill you. Well, actually, it will. But I liked the Death Club for Humans so much, I'm not just a client, I bought the farm!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

In light of kaufman's last couple of entries, I'd like to withdraw my entries and kill myself.

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

CC 97: Hit Enron by kaufman 2-01-02

Hello, Spot! Isn't he just the cutest! Spot is 9 years old today. That's 63 in people years, almost old enough to retire. I used to worry about how my retirement savings were doing, but not since I invested it all in Enron. Now I know for certain the state of my investment down to the last penny. ENRON. We take care of your money, so you won't have to. Ever. * offer valid pending Congressional investigation.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

quote:

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Uh, by the way, I am implying that dcomposed is "xpac".

And I'd agree with Fuzzy, Namgubed's was a stormer!

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For Fairly Damn Shitty Justice by TheElPaso 2-01-02

HELLO GENTLEMEN! ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US! YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO DESTRUCTION! YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME! HA HA HA! Disclaimer: Results unusual, Meow Food does not usually make your cat this 1337.

Weak, yes, but I'll have something better soon.

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My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. -Weird Al Yankovic

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Batman created by Bob Kane

CC97: Which desk would you like to hide under today? by lara7 2-02-02

Introducing our newest operating System- Microsoft Windows XPLSD. How has Windows XPLSD helped your business, sir? Our productivity has increased 92%, thanks to Microsoft's innovative "Office Insistent". Office Insistent? How does that work? By dosing you with 50 micrograms of a powerful hallucinogen and insisting that if you're working hard enough, you'll avoid seeing the....oh, shit!

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When they invent BookFace, I'm -there-.

NeoVid got me interested in this site. So if my comics are bad, blame him. ;-)

CC 97: "Promoting" Strip Creator by Devin 2-02-02

Disclaimer: The author does not hold this opinion of sc.com. Honest! If you're looking not to laugh, come to strip creator! sc.com has the best selection of mediocre and unfunny comics on the net! What the hell?! Get that newbie! RARRRRR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOL YOU!!! AAAARRRGGGHHHH! I didn't mean it! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! ...I better not tell anyone that it was I who introduced him to strip creator...

"Promoting" Strip Creator, Take 2 by Devin 2-02-02

Ow... um, I would like to correct myself regarding our last ad. Sc.com is not full of mediocre and unfunny comics, but very good comics done by creative, hardworking, friendly people. "Friendly?!" You just don't learn, do you newb... RARRRRR! TOBOR WILL SHOW YOU A FRIENDLY MANRAPE! Disclaimer: Newbies are advised to be prepared before using strip creator. Eep, help me...

CC97: Marxism by fpd 2-02-02

Do you feel exploited by your employer? Or alienated from the product you create? Are you doped up on religion? Do you feel downtrodden by the bourgeoisie? If so, why not give Marxism a try? Join the International Communist Revolution to overthrow capitalism today. Become part of the dictatorship of the proletariat, where everyone is equal. Degrees of equality may vary. Intellectuals may be shot to reduce inequality.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

Slightly Obscure - Ad Slot by Draconias 2-02-02

Five out of ten farmhands abuse moonshine while on the job. One out of those five have a serious problem. This ad paid for by the Council for a Bestiality Free America. My, you shoor are pretty. Help!

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"Hit me" "18" "Hit me" "19" "Hit me" "20" "Hit me" "21" "Hit me"

CC97: The Superbowl by fpd 2-02-02

There's nothing I enjoy more than getting wasted while watching the Superbowl with all my buddies. Oh yeah! Booze, football, and no one but other guys. It doesn't get any better than this. Oh wow, look at how strong and muscular those guys are! All those guys getting physical with each other! It's so exciting! Isn't watching a bunch of guys tackling each other sort of gay? Can't we watch Sheena instead? You are so pussywhipped, Bongo! Big, strong men are much more exciting than half naked blondes.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

Now looky here, Fuzzyman... we here down South know better'n t'say "y'all" when talkin' to jus one person. Ain't you never heard'a grammar, sonny boy?

In no way worthy of winning. It's a wonder no one got to it before me.

CC97: Placebo is as placebo does by attitudechicka 2-02-02

Hello sir, care to try the new placebo Quackacilin? Sure. Quackacilin is a new placebo doctor recomended for its effectiveness. Tastes like candy. Use only as directed. Many barnyard animals were harmed in the testing of this product. Are your ailments cured? All of them!

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Mediocrity at its most average.

I mistyped informercial in the first strip. Never mind that.

CC97: Dr. Jekyll's Infomerical, part 1 by fpd 2-02-02

What would you say if I told you you could do all kinds of bad things without the burdens of guilt or responsibility? Surely you jest, Dr. Jekyll. Although I would love to do all kinds of bad things, my sense of guilt just gets in the way. Watch as I give this little squirrel a few drops of my patent-pending transmogrification elixer. Die, you stupid twat, die! This is fantastic, Dr. Jekyll. And you say your elixer can do this for anyone? Amazing. But how much does it cost?

CC97: Dr. Jekyll's Infomercial, part 2 by fpd 2-02-02

Call 1-800-555-HYDE now. You might normally expect to pay over $100, but today we're offering five bottles for the low, low price of just $19.95. That is so incredible. I'm dying to try just a little bit right now. Call 1-800-555-HYDE now. Why sure, here you go. Oh, wow, my sex drive is through the roof, and I've lost all my hang-ups. I have to have you right here and now Doctor. Call 1-800-555-HYDE now. Zoë, you're under arrest for raping Dr. Jekyll, trampling on the cameraman, and public nudity. Use it with caution, folks. It has no effect on your legal responsibility.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

Actually, that occured to me as I was writing it, but it was the easiest way to establish her as "southern."

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

CC 97 - Magnum Force by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 2-02-02

Looking for that present you know will make a difference Honey. Its my Birthday. Did you manage to get me something worthwhile this time , you useless hunk of shit. Yes Honey. I thought long and hard about this one , and im going to make this a Birthday you never forget. That box is tiny. And i bets its contents arent much better. A bit like you. Yes , but this one comes with that little extra kicker. The Magnum .45. Solving the need for divorce since 1755. This ad sponsored by the NRA. Ooh , she swallowed the whole barrel. Shes never done that before.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

CC97: This Was Awfully Big Of Me by fuzzyman 2-02-02

True love: When it finds you, you've got grab it and hold on tight! Bob... I love these special times, holding hands with you. I want them to last forever. Will you marry me? Yes, Phil! Oh, YES! It doesn't matter how many times love finds you. Every chance is precious. Steve... I love you. Will you marry me? Yes, Phil! I love you! And Mr. Fluffy says "yes," too! Warning: Wherever you live, this is probably illegal. Polygamy: It's not just for heterosexuals anymore. You're right, Phil! Make me yours!

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

quote:

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NeoVid got me interested in this site. So if my comics are bad, blame him. ;-)

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CC97: The One True Faith by fpd 2-02-02

Welcome to Hell, sinner! Ha, ha, ha! How did I get here? I was baptized as an infant, went to mass every week, said my confession regularly, and always did my penance. Don't let this happen to you. Jesus loves you and wants you in Heaven with him. And the only way to Heaven is through the Asian Girls Chinese Israelism Methodist Church. Yes, Catholics, Lutherans, Anglicans, Baptists, Pentacostals, Quakers, Mormons, Unitarians, Muslims, Jews, Presbyterians, British Israelists, and United Methodists are all going to Hell. Of course, if our faith is wrong, you're screwed. But is it wrong? I don't think so.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

You also mistyped elixir, but I don't mind. Well-drawn transformations; nice job!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Death Club is brilliant. Kaufman, you should have posted that early and saved us all the trouble of entering.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.