The Fourth of July is approaching like a phalanx of wussy Redcoats lined up like walking targets, and that can mean only one thing: My mailbox, newspaper, and TV screen are overflowing with lame-ass flag-draped promos. Fuck them up for me, would you?

You English and other foreigners: Don't whine. You can use this as a chance to bash us. Like I had to tell you that.

Because of the long weekend, I have to judge this on Monday afternoon. See you then. In the meantime, don't blow yourself up with patriotic explosives. Or if you do, have someone videotape it so we can laugh at you.

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What others say about boorite!

I guess no one wants to join a contest where the judge calls you a dickhead.

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What others say about boorite!

I'm currently trying to animate Tobor's telescopic cornholing device, so I haven't got any time to Photoshop, sorry.

I will wipe my ass with the American flag while saluting and playing "Stars and Stripes Forever" on a cuzoo when I get home though, just to make up for it.

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Dad was flammable

I will enter!

...soon.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

I don't think this is a legal entry, but it's vaguely in the spirit of the competition, and since I made it months ago it's not like I'm wasting any time working on it now.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

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I will enter!

...soon.

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I didn't have anything to do with this photo, but I'm sure it must insult your great land somehow.

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Dad was flammable

How could some sweaty gym-rat jamming his steroid-shriveled beanbag into Old Glory possibly offend us on our national holiday?

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What others say about boorite!

I made this picture many years ago, when the ideas of a flag-protection amendment and enforcing "decency" on the Internet were being discussed. The pic was created to express my opinion on both matters. It was also done shortly after I had first begun playing around with Photoshop, which explains the poor quality...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

This from your resident card-carrying atheist.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

0 energy right now thanks to fireworks retail.

Rest assured, Fri+Sat when this is all over, I'll have something to say about pyrotechnics.

One more for the collection...

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

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0 energy right now thanks to fireworks retail.

Rest assured, Fri+Sat when this is all over, I'll have something to say about pyrotechnics.

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I think I mentioned it somewhere else... Kimberly Diner in Milford. We're only selling the rest of today(like 10pm or 11) and tommorow 9am-12noon.
I just came back for a rest. It's freakin hot out.

Oh yes I should have given you our marketing spew;

You should have bought from us. We have great service and low prices. Literaly; the guy up the road is overcharing customers and the other one's not ever open. We demo-tested most of ours and will replace duds. We also have lots of "buy one get one free"s and "buy this pack, get a bargin bag free" etc etc.

Come buy some more!

But don't act weird knowing your jokes you'd freak my dad out.

Well fireworks are over thank god.

Mr T feels patriotic.

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I didn't have anything to do with this photo, but I'm sure it must insult your great land somehow.

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George Michael wishs the USA a merry christmas with his new single "Shoot the Dog".

... er that should be, "merry fourth of july"

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Sorry about the size of this one, dial-up people, but I didn't want to lose too much detail. Incidentally, the original is 800x600, so gimme a yell if you want it as a wallpaper. I suppose I am a couple of days late for patriotic wallpaper, though...

Incidentally Nate, if you dare tell me that this flag has the wrong number of stars and stripes, you will wish you hadn't.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

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George Michael wishs the USA a merry christmas with his new single "Shoot the Dog".

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yeah I saw it

This was written a second ago when I had no time to write it. Actualy, I did see it at some site but I can't find it now, then saw the article linked off of drudge. I don't really care either way, just thought it might be funny and comply with the rules.