Since anyone can start a new punfest, and the last one was running down, I think it's time for a new one. The subject: Mythology.

Though this may prove to be a mythstake. It'll probably just cast apollo ver this this place.

Hmm. I was trying to keep those first puns low key, but I'm already feeling mighty thor.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

I can't beleive someone just hydra start another one.

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"Old" is the old new.

That was an awfuly kobold move.

Ugh. I hades pun contests. My chest always titans when I hera bad pun. And these things dragon forever...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Oizys going on here then? Puns? Who Keres about puns? I couldn't give more Thanatos. In my Hades, I used to like puns, but now I realise they're the lowest form of Homer.

It's funny I didn't notice the first punfest, though - it was pretty Artemis. There must be something wrong with my Io.

Boy, these puns are Hesiod said than done. Anyway, Tartarus for now!

Punfest 2? It's odyssey another one. Earlier at God's Way Diner, Isis to wirthling, "They're not really doing a second are they?" And illiad to say was "Arg!" or "Not!" and we'd have centaur stomach contents flying and thought no more of it. (Amen ra or am I right?) But instead he mounts Olympus (my girlfriend) and gives sis a fist! If oedipus-tol, I'd a shot him! But since I didn't, cyclops him on the head and said, "Get your tower of babylon out of Olympus's sphinx-ter, and get your hands off my sister's allysian fields!"

But my girlfriend and sister chimed in and said, "Don't stop him! It feels good! Let him Horus!" I was so startled by this I nearly gilgamesh all over the floor!

So then I got angry and grabbed a Pan from the kitchen. But wirthling just looked at me and laughed. "You couldn't scarub beetle," he said.

Maybe he's right, I thought. So I dropped the pan (the one of God's Way), and went home. I kept my mind off things by listening to Led Zepplin's Zeus-So, and then by trying to learn French. French was easy, and I had learnt three words in no time - Il (he), Et (and) theod (easy at the time, but I forget its meaning now).

I started thinking about those slutty bitches and got angry again. If this was a hundred years ago, they'd throw women like that down a mine or tar and feather them, or at least tie their hands to their side and drench them with golden fleas!

I mean look at Henry the Eigth! He killed tons of wives. People would ask "Where's sire?" and would be told, "Osiris killing another wife." If Henry can kill so many women, why can't I g-agamemnon and then? Or maybe I'd just cut their heart out instead, since I've heard killing someone by gagging takes herculean strength. Maybe I'll storm down to God's way right now and cut Olympus's heart out!

On second thought, I'll wait for her to come home. After all, Homer's where the heart is.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

*end thread*

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

I blame the hobby knife I used to cut out my inhibitory neurons.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Looks like ObiJo has killed this thread. It's a shame, too. It didn't even last a full deity.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Will anyone have the balls to dryad again?

Punning is such a crass form of humour. Satyr is far more sophisticated.

Still, you get Zeus-ed to it after a while.

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Absorbed directly through the skin.

I think some of you Gaias are just Thor you didn't think of it first. Sure this contest may make you Ganesh your teeth. It may bring a Tyr to your eye. But try to Loki it this way; punning is like hitting yourself with a Shu: It feels so good when you stop.

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Ulysses good, for I'll have a pun for you in a minatour two.

But we had a big rainstorm, and first I need to clean this soggy, unstable machine.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I was hoping to end this one quick so we could start PunFest 3, which centers around religion and insulting wirthling. I'll start us off:

wirthling's suck runneth over.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

I Thor I might try but I'm not too Loki in competitions.

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rrrrrrrrrrrrrubbish?

Want your house to look Goth? Try our brand new Poe sidin'!

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My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. -Weird Al Yankovic

I've been trying to think up puns for this one, but nothing is coming... maybe I should call kaufman on the bellerophon...

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Get Kraken on those Puns Dexx

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

You folks might find this story interesting...

My wife keeps a cellular phone in her pocketbook. Originally, it was for emergencies, but now she uses it to take calls from me. This is normally fine, but one January when she had gone down to Florida to view the launch of a space shuttle, I gave her a call to see how it was going. "Great," she said, "The Challenger should be up in an hour." Challenger? She knew as well as I did that the Challenger blew up a decade and a half ago.

Then there was the time shortly before Valentine's Day, when I called her to ask what she wanted, and she said she wanted that new Men Without Hats album that had climbed the charts. Those has-beens? New album? No record store had anything new from them, and amazon.com (no mythological pun intended, but hey!) showed no new releases from them in years.

I eventually detected a pattern: most of the time things were fine, but if I called her on her cell when snow was on the ground, she would always come forth with some hideous anachronism. And then I finally figured it out:

The purse phone is stuck in the 80s during the winter.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

My sister once got an infestation of genetically-modified headlice. They were hybridised with elephants, which made it rather uncomfortably for her, as you may imagine. It took some doing, but we finally managed to kill them all, and ended up keeping some trophies as well. Those trophies turned out to be a great conversation starter at parties... the twelves tusks of her cooties.

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That story was pure Baldurdash.

Atlas I've thought of another pun...

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

Did you know that John Romero and John Carmack, legendary programmers of the classic Doom and founders of id software, used to eat nothing but barnacles and similar shellfish while in the depths of programming? Apparently they would leave a huge pile of them in the middle of the room, and grab a few whenever they got hungry. It was true... the geek gods lived on a mound o' limpets.

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[Click to view comic: 'Stairway to Heaven, Ladder to Hell']

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Oh, of course... I was so wrapped up in Greek mythology, I never thor t of using some Nordic stuff.

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Australian cricketer Steve Waugh has a fondness for chocolate bars, especially Mars Bars. In fact, he loves them so much he thinks they border on the divine, hence Mars is the god of Waugh.

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