All comics by HouTxWriter

 

by HouTxWriter
9-10-05
It says, "We're sorry, but at this time, we're unable to comprehend why you sent us your manuscript. Have a great life."
You mean I've wasted 50 years of my life sending out query letters?
What's worse, it's signed by the Mailroom Clerk. Guess they never even bothered to let an agent look at it. Sorry, Grandma.
I'm going to go send out another query letter to a different agent. I have a feeling this one will be the one.
The Reaper of Wasted Time Enters...
I don't know why she bothers. No one wants to read a book about teenage life written by a 70-year old.
I'll go console her. She's suffered enough with all this rejection. Maybe she'll get an agent in the afterlife.

 

by HouTxWriter
9-10-05
Granny, I'm going to have to ask you to come with me. I'm the Reaper of Wasted Time and...
You're going to have to speak louder. You know my hearing isn't all that good anymore. Do you have any paper? I need to send out another query letter.
I'm afraid there's no need. Even if this one accepts you, you'll be gone.
Is it THAT close to Halloween? Let me look in my purse and see if I have some candy, little boy.
I'm not in COSTUME for Halloween. I'm here on a mission. *POOF* You're dead!
Can I put in an address change form so if I get an agent, he can still reply to me in Heaven?

 

by HouTxWriter
9-11-05
This is weird, I wonder what happens now?
SIGH
I take over from here. I'm your spirit. Now your weary bones can rest.
And here I thought all those rejection letters killed my spirit a long time ago.
Don't be silly! They only made me stronger. It was me who kept you trying to find an agent.

 

by HouTxWriter
9-11-05
Where's that srtange wind and smell of Ben Gay coming from?
Sorry 'bout that, sonny. It's me, your granny. I died and now I am forced to linger on the earth until my soul is satisfied.
So, let me get this straight...you're dead...and now you're haunting me? My grandmother wouldn't do that.
I'm not haunting you. I'm haunting your mailbox. Have I gotten any mail from any agents?
WOW! It really IS you! I don't know what I am supposed to tell you grandma. Maybe you just need to go rest in peace.
Oh, this is REALLY starting to piss me off!! They already made me waste my life away waiting on them. Now, I'm wasting my death as well!! I need to go send out a follow-up email to that last agent.

 

by HouTxWriter
9-11-05
Father, I need you to come perform an exorcism. My grandmother is haunting my mailbox. It's getting pretty intense.
I see. You want me to perform the Exorcism of Granny Rose? Only thing is, if she's already dead, I can only do a spiritual cleansing.
I think it'd be easier to see if you can get God to assign Granny Rose an agent in Heaven.
I'll see what I can do, son. I will pray on it. While we're waiting on God's answer, grab the hammer and nail and help me repair my confessional bench.
I'm not sure what this has to do with God hearing our prayers.
God helps those that help their priests...now let's go.

 

by HouTxWriter
9-11-05
Six Weeks Later...
Well, hello, Father. Are you here today to do the spiritual cleansing?
Not exactly, I'm here to ask the Spirit of Granny Rose a few questions.
Sure, come on in. She should appear soon. It's almost time for the mailman's delivery.
Bless you, child. God sent me to see what genre her book belongs in.
Fifteen minutes later...
Hold tight, father...this is how I have to summon up her spirit. Graaaanddma...you've got maaaail!!

 

by HouTxWriter
9-11-05
Hi, Granny Rose. As you can see...Father Simon is here to see you.
That's all great and everything..but what does my letter say?
Granny Rose, that's not really a letter for you. I asked Sonny to summon you so I could ask you a question from God. He wants to know what genre your book falls into?
He doesn't already know? God's acting just like one of those literary agents...always with the questions...never giving me an answer.
His question is the answer. You must remain patient. Why don't you get some rest?
Stop talking in riddles! I will not rest until my life's work is given validation! I WANT A BOOK DEAL!

 

by HouTxWriter
9-11-05
Two Weeks Later...Knock, Knock
Who is it?
My name is Chuck and I'm here to see Rose Arthur.
You can come in...but, unfortunately, my grandmother, Rose, died a few months ago.
That IS unfortunate because I am here to offer her a book deal to write a book on being the oldest and most persistent, yet still unpublished, writer in the world.
It's probably also unfortunate that her spirit is possessing my body and will use me to kill you.
Ummmm, yeah....well, I probably should be going now. I'll send a letter to offer her the deal, instead.

 

by HouTxWriter
9-12-05
I'm sorry I had to possess you, Sonny. Do you think the agent is really going to send me an offer?
You almost made me kill someone. Is a book deal really worth all that? You're a 70-year old woman for goodness sake!
Getting a book deal is all I ever wanted since I finished my manuscript when I was 20 years old.
I don't know...trying to kill him might have tainted his opinion of you.
You just don't UNDERSTAND!! Just remember the longer it takes me to get an agent, the longer I will have to haunt your mailbox.
Will you have to stop haunting me if I permanently nail my mailbox shut? This is getting ridiculous.

 

by HouTxWriter
9-12-05
Good News Finally Arrives...
Dude...I'm from Speedy Couriers. I've got like an awesome package for a Ms. Rose Arthur. Can you sign for ir?
Yeah. Give me a minute...
Ooooh, hurry! What does it say? Is it an advance check?
It says, "Congratulations, our literary agency has decided to represent you...
...Additionally, Heavenly Publications, a big book publishing firm is ready to offer you a lucrative deal for your book about being dead."
WHIPPEEE!! Well, then, Sonny, I guess I'm done haunting your mailbox. Thanks for everything...I'm outta here! **Poof! She's gone.**

 

by HouTxWriter
1-12-06
Looks like you got another letter here from your agent. Your writing career must really be taking off!
I've been up all night trying to finsh ten chapters before my deadline. I'm starting to question this line of work.
Oooh, this one looks like a royalty check. That must make burning the midnight oil worthwhile, right?
Did you know that I have a deadline for my deadline's deadline?
This one says, "You might already be a winner!"
I think I could use that as the opening line for Chapter One. Gee, thanks! You're a wiz at this motivating thing.

 

by HouTxWriter
1-12-06
Hey, Tyrone! Did you hear my book finally got around to self-publishing my first book?
Yeah...and I only have one question...can I get the hook-up?
What kind of hook-up are you talking about? Would you like to purchase one?
Well, you know...since we friends and all, I figured you'd give me one for free...you know, so I can support your dream.
SIGH! That's funny, because my dream is to make some friends who deal more in cash than bullshit.
Aw, see how sistahs act when they make it to the top? I didn't say all that when I gave you that free fun-size Snickers bar the other day.

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