All comics by Geniu$

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by Geniu$
8-15-01
coming up next "So... Graham Norton", this week Graham chats to Big Brother winner Brian and the cast of "Queer as folk", but now it's time for "Will and Grace"!
is it just me? or is the whole world trying to be so politically correct that it's accidentaly exploiting homosexuals?
these guys main attraction is that they are homosexual, it's not that they are necessarily any more entertaining than anyone else!
when you think about it, this is just exploitation, look at Barrymore, he made it as an entertainer on his own, without playing the gay card, these people should be ashamed!
yeah, but Barrymore's a wanker!!

 

by Geniu$
8-15-01
BBC News!
Lord Archer plans on appealing against his conviction of perjury and perverting the course of justice!
Helen and Paul from Channel 4's Big Brother were seen at a showbiz party last night with similarly shaped shoes, rumours of marriage are as yet unconfirmed!
...and.....a whole bunch of people died in some bomb aparently! Goodnight!

 

by Geniu$
8-16-01
Hey everybody, I'm Gareth McBeefcake of Kajun comics fame, I'm here to introduce a new comic by the Geniu$!
Meet our hero:
This is Shawn, he's 21 years old, he works for a local record store, he likes basketball and reading...
...and he's a virgin!
HEY!

 

by Geniu$
8-16-01
"...but I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo..."
hey, what's the matter?
he's, he's just like all the others, only after one thing....I thought he was different, but he just wanted to.....he wanted to.... screw me in a very uncomfortable place!
what? like the back of a Volkswagon?
I was probably better off at Kajun's place!

 

by Geniu$
8-16-01
um, yes Mr Smith, I'm sorry, I didn't realise you had copyrighted that joke, ok, ok, no no, I don't think THAT will be necessary, I'm sorry, really!
shit, I'm going to have to stop using other people's material/characters in my comics.
I suppose the most logical punchline to this cartoon would have been to use someone elses character quoting someone elses joke...
what you say?

 

by Geniu$
8-17-01
hey, I understand you're having some difficulty with your comic strip, I used to be the producer over at Kajun comics, I could help!
hey, yeah, that would be great, you could get Kajun to do a cameo or something!
um, no, he's retired, but I could set up some jokes or something that could help you get started!
um.....it wasn't you that came up with the "UG!" joke was it? That was pretty lame!
vvvrrrrroooooommmm screeeeeeccchhh!
aww bastard!

 

by Geniu$
8-17-01
sUcK aNd FuCk FoR £20?
hmm, for 40 quid, would I get some anal aswell?
dAmN, fOr 40 BuCkS i'D aCtiVaTe My AsS vAcUuM aNd RoTaTe My ScRoTaL cLaMpS!!

 

by Geniu$
8-17-01
El Hombre "Exacto".
Su idea no va a funcionar, nadie compraría este tipo de producto.
Pero si ya vendemos diez millones al año. Mi idea simplemente lo mejora.
¡EXACTO!
?

 

by Geniu$
8-18-01
It's just typical Farmer culture, "get orf moi laaaand!" Neanderthal macho assholes!
Ma mate Kenny fancies Jeanette, I think he's in there, ah could set them up t'gether!
but Jeanette's got a boyfriend!
so, we could kick fuck oot o' him!
what? your going to beat up her boyfriend until she goes out with your mate?
naw, Kenny's gonnae shag her, and if her boyfriend has a problem with it, we'll give him a fuckin' kickin'!!
but....isn't that just basically rape?

 

by Geniu$
8-18-01
Rooney
*knock knock*
so, are we set up? is everything going to plan?
to be continued.....
yes..... we've got Geniu$ where we want him, tonight.... HE DIES!
excellent!

 

by Geniu$
8-18-01
Jeanette and Flora head over to Kajun's
we've really got to sort this out Flora, Kajun's been quiet for so long, I just don't understand why he stopped the strip, something doesn't make sense!
yEaH, tHeRe WaS sOmEtHiNg DeFiNiTeLy.... StRaNgE aBoUt HiM lAsT tImE wE sPoKe!
at Kajun's:
hey, the doors open, that's strange
inside
Geniu$? What are you doing here?
um, hey, I, uh, I was looking for Kajun, he's not here, uh, he borrowed my....knife, I'm just getting it back... see?

 

by Geniu$
8-18-01
hmm, these Tinman comics are pretty funny, in a weird kind of way, you have to wonder what goes on in that kind of mind...
...you have to think, what kind of person would write these comics??
probably the same kind of person who would, I don't know, say, THROW A RUBBER AT YOU FROM ACROSS A PHYSICS CLASS?!

 

by Geniu$
8-18-01
it's weird, your comics were starting to build quite an interesting story, but then you done some strip about Tinman, it doesn't make sense.
and now look, Tinman has used one of your panels in his latest strip, thus confirming that he does read it!
which then begs the question, was that all you wanted in the first place? to make sure that he reads your comic? to make sure you have at least ONE viewer?
this all just seems a little dragged out does it not?

 

by Geniu$
8-18-01
Jeanette takes a walk in the park:
there's something strange about Kajun's sudden dissapearance, I just don't understand it....hey, isn't that Geniu$ over there?
listen to me you stupid wanker, they don't call me the fucking Geniu$ for nothing you know, just make sure Rooney doesn't leave his house tonight!
don't worry Geniu$, after tonight, everything will be the way it should be!

 

by Geniu$
8-18-01
Hey Rooney, I was just wondering, is it alright if I come over tonight, we could sit, watch a movie, get a couple of beers in, talk about the good old times at Kajun's comic!
yeah sure, that'd be great, why don't you just go rent a movie just now and I'll go get the beers, get "Proof of Life" or something!
right cool, I'll be back in about an hour or something, see you then!

 

by Geniu$
8-18-01
ah look, it's Gareth, what a dick, he's just walking straight into our trap, mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Hey Rooney, I was just wondering, is it alright if I come over tonight, we could sit, watch a movie, get a couple of beers in, talk about the good old times at Kajun's comic!
yeah sure, that'd be great, why don't you just go rent a movie just now and I'll go get the beers, get "Proof of Life" or something!
oh you stupid stupid man, I used to like you, but now I just pity you, but never mind, tonight, you dance with the devil!
oh you stupid stupid man, I used to like you, but now I just pity you, but never mind, tonight, you dance with the devil!
right cool, I'll be back in about an hour or something, see you then!

 

by Geniu$
8-18-01
Editors note: Everyone in these comics live in similar houses, almost identical, in fact, to the untrained eye, you would think they WERE identical
*ding dong*
but you've got to look at the small detail, like, Kajun's house doesn't have a doorbell for one!
ah Gareth, you're here, come on in, I'm just making some dinner!
I got "Proof of Life", the guy at the counter kept pointing and laughing at me, little geeky wank!
plus, the doornob's more oval!
*SLAM!*
mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

 

by Geniu$
8-19-01
I'll just get the beers, you put on the video and I'll be through in a minute!
right!
*click*
aaaaaaahhh, aaaaaaahh, the pain, oh god the pain!!

 

by Geniu$
8-19-01
ha ha ha ha!
that's some nice work there my hairy hippy friend, but how did you make sure no-one else got hurt?
ba-doom ching!
I hid the bomb in "proof of life" at the video store, I knew no-one in their right mind would rent it out!!

 

by Geniu$
8-19-01
Flora visits her brother who works for the Daily Record.
sO, hOw'S mOm?
Yeah, she's fine, Dad's talking about building a new extension on the house, they wanted a study, I told them to use your room, but, you know Dad..
YeAh, ReMeMbEr ThE tImE i WaNtEd To PaInT oVeR tHe HeIgHt ChArT mOm UsEd To DrAw On ThE wAlL iN tHe KiTcHeN? hIs EmOtIoN cHiP fAiLeD aNd We HaD tO rEbUiLd HiS hEaD!
Yeah, and I accidentally wired up his optical circuits wrong and he could only see out his ass, remember? oh, the fun we had, mind you, he could watch us laughing behind his back!
aNd MoM, rEmEmBeR hOw ShE cAuGhT mE hAvInG sEx WiTh ThE wAsHiNg MaChInE wItH YOUR GrOiNaL aTtAcHmEnT iN mY mOuTh, I uNsCrEwEd WhEn YoU wErE sLeEpInG?
um, no!

 

by Geniu$
8-21-01
in the pub:
Flora, it's terrible, Rooney KILLED Gareth......oh, I don't believe it, oh god, what a bastard, I loved him so much, why did he have to die???
Oh, My DeAr SwEeT FiRsAt DaGbOt, My SoN/lOvEr, I'm InCoNsOlAbLe!!
why did he have to die, oh why, WHYYY, I'm so lonely and vulnerable, I just need a hug!!
hEy JeAnEtTe, ThOsE gUyS hAvE gOnE!!
they have? oh, well, you wanna go get a pizza or something!?
sUrE!

 

by Geniu$
8-21-01
...aNd ThEn He JuSt ScReAmEd AnD cAmE oUt Of Me, yOu ShOuLd HaVe SeEn ThE bLiStErS!!
well, that's what he gets for trying to take advantage of you, the bastard!
oh....hey Tinman (pffft) we were....um, just talking about you actually.
listen, I don't want to talk about that, I think you should know, Rooney's planning on killing Geniu$, I overheard him talking in the park, it sounds serious!
well, we'd better tell Geniu$ right away, are you coming with us?
nah, I'm all for passing references, but I can't be arsed becoming a regular character!

 

by Geniu$
8-21-01
Geniu$, I think Rooney's up to something terrible, I think he's planning on killing you!
yes Jeanette, I know, it's ok, we're prepared!
"WE"? Who's "we"?
all your base are belong to us!
WHAT? What the hell is Andy doing here??
don't worry my sweet, soon, everything will be the way it should be!

 

by Geniu$
8-21-01
Jeanette heads over to Geniu$'s
oooh, OH! OAAAH!!! WWOOAAH!! YES YES, oooOOOH!! I feel you in me, yes YESSS!!!!
oh, it looks like Geniu$ is a little busy just now, I'll come back later!
aaaah, Geniu$, oh YEAH!! YEAH!!! arrghhh, harder, HARDER, ooooh, yes yes yes yes yes!!!
hey, that was great, I'll see you tonight, Jeanette should be coming over shortly!
later sweetcheecks!

 

by Geniu$
8-21-01
it appears as though that Nazi bastard has got Jeanette on his side, no doubt the simple minded robot will follow!
shit, with Jeanette on his side this may become dangerous, I don't want her to come to any harm!
well, let's just hope that he does the decent thing and keeps her out of this, the only thing is, now, he has a hostage!
oh fuck, no-one expected it to come to this, I guess we'll have to go with, "Operation Nutsack"
I told you, didn't I say? I did, I said from the start, but oh no, you wanted to pussy about with secret meetings and stuff!
(insert punchline)

 

by Geniu$
8-22-01
ok, Rooney is the enemy, tonight we strike, there's not much time, Andy and Jeanette, you be the lookouts, Flora and I will take him out for good!
hey, where is Flora? I haven't seen her all day?
here I am Mr Geniu$, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! prepare to die!!!
?
aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh

 

by Geniu$
8-24-01
and so....
Jeanette, thank god you're ok, Geniu$ was planning on killing us all!
your lying, I know you killed Gareth and Geniu$ told me that you killed Kajun, stay away from me you bastard!
you've got it all wrong, Geniu$ was behind Kajun's disapearance, he brainwashed you, you and Flora!
oh god, Flora, she sacrificed herself for us!
nO, i DiDn'T, tHaT wAs A dEcOy, PaRt Of OpErAtIoN "NuTsAk"!
actually that was some robot from the future, he claimed to be the son of Firsat Dagbot v2.0, he came to deliver a message, I just reprogrammed him into a walking bomb!

 

by Geniu$
8-24-01
now we just need to find Kajun, he must be alive, Geniu$ must have hidden him somewhere, we need to find him before Andy Dougan does!
see, this is why you should have just caught Geniu$ and tortured him or something, blowing him up was just stupid!
meanwhile...
mwa ha ha ha, Kajun, your time is now, no more fucking around, ah'm a gonna kill you beeatch!
for the sake of the plot, my Dos Paola Nibla eye combustion thing wont work in this green room!
meanwhile meanwhile...
Oh My GoD, i CaN't BeLiEvE i'Ve lOsT a LoVeR, a SoN AND a GrAnDsOn In OnE wEeK!! i'M sO aLoNe!!
hmm, alone?? desperate?? cha-ching!

 

by Geniu$
8-25-01
hey look, you can make this look like one big picture!
hey, that's pretty cool, I've never noticed that, surely ealier strips would have been better if Geniu$ had used this!
little girl, this is the police, we have come to opress you, put your immigrant hands in the air and walk slowly forward!

 

by Geniu$
8-25-01
so, this is a spaceship then?
it would appear so, althought, there's not really anymore backgrounds to follow this up with, so it's hard to use!
you could always have the spaceship bomb something!
it's a good idea, but bombs? I mean surely a spaceship would use some sort of death ray, like Independance Day!
is there even an alien character though? surely the whole thing is useless without an alien character!
there's plenty of aliens, but not enough beautifull women, that's why most stripcreators resort to cheap paedophile jokes involving us!

 

by Geniu$
8-25-01
it's pretty weird over here!
yeah, the world looks so different!

 

by Geniu$
8-25-01
to be continued...

 

by Geniu$
8-26-01
more people would use us in their strips if you lost a few pounds!
fuck you blue buttons, you hold ME back, I could go onto greater things if only someone gave me the chance!
yeah, but they're not likely to are they fatso?
listen ass-bucket, if I wasn't associated with you and you're sad Wilma Flintsone style dress I could have a strip all to myself!
yeah, "asiangirl2.com" I doubt it somehow, you're MY bitch, why do you think I'm the first selection?
cos your a cunt!

 

by Geniu$
8-26-01
listen, I'm sorry. If we stick together we can make a great strip, if we just believe!
yeah, I say we just stop letting those other characters walk all over us!
hey, have you seen Kajun anywhere? we need to find him before Andy Dougan does!
no, sorry, I haven't seem him in ages!
ha, notice she never asked you?
fuck you!

 

by Geniu$
8-29-01
hey, Andy Dougan's "come on daisy" strip is really funny, genius, totally clever!
does it give any clues as to where he's keeping Kajun?
listen yo', just cos I tuck in my shirt, doesn't mean I don't stick to good old fashioned skinhead values, I'll stomp your head in, nigger beeattch!
romper
stomper

 

by Geniu$
8-29-01
row row row your boat, gently down the stream....
row row row your boat, gently down the stream....
....merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream!
....merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream!

 

by Geniu$
8-29-01
halt, who goes there?
um, asiangirl1, who the fuck are you?
you are entering private territory, this land is owned by the Underused Characters Guild!
underused characters? arse to that, I'm a fucking star!
um........ all your base are belong to us?

 

by Geniu$
9-01-01
ok men, here's the plan, we find Kajun for those other goons, they're all happy and reward us with spots in their comic strip, simple!
I can be the look out, heh, with a dry cool wit like that I could be......
um excuse me? but I'm not really sure that fighting and stuff is really my "thing", you know? like, can't we just dance and sing?
who let the gay dragon join?
faaking Jessica Rabbit, stole me faaking man, well, I'll teach the bitch a lesson!
I'll bide my time then BAM the era of the Squirrel begins, ha ha ha, they'll all be my slaves, mwa ha ha ha ha haaaa!

 

by Geniu$
9-01-01
hmm, ever since asiangirl2 joined the Underused Character Guild I've been left with nothing to make jokes about...
oh dear god, no!

 

by Geniu$
9-03-01
ok, here's the deal, I kidnapped you because you cast me as a homosexual moron and made me the butt of biscuit jokes, so now I'm going to kill you!
you know, I wish you had just done it weeks ago, I've been really bored here, I mean, it's dragged on a bit don't you think?
you think so too? thank fuck, to be honest I'm not really the killing type, I just wanted to beat you and stuff, I guess I could just let you go, you've learned your lesson!
not that anyone remembers, but, it was the green room that prevented me from using my eye combustion thing, ha ha!
aaaah, it's like a thousand glow worms are chewing my ball sack!
DOS PAOLA NIBLA!!!

 

by Geniu$
9-03-01
that last strip's title never worked right, fucking time-zone!
oh my god, Kajun, it's you, we've been looking everywhere for you, oh thank god your alive, I've been so worried!
Hi Jeanette, you know, being hidden away all that time made me realise that we only get one life to lead and it'd be stupid to waste it....
..just because you are too scared to show your true feelings, I love you and always have, and I know that I could make you happy, if you just let me try!
so what do you say? are you willing to give me a chance?
doesn't the word "vrrroooommm" mean ANYTHING to you?

 

by Geniu$
9-03-01
what a rip off, the plot made no sense, I mean, what did Geniu$ have to do with anything? and, who was the weird Communist guy?
and there's no explaination of the eye combustion thing, it's just used as a cheap way to finish a strip that's not going anywhere!
HA! you thought we were going to use the eye combustion thing in the last panel to finish it off and make a cheap joke didn't you?
loser!

 

by Geniu$
9-04-01
sOrRy I'm LaTe, WhAt'S tHe DiFfErEnCe BeTwEeN a sUmO wReStLeR aNd a LeSbIaN?

 

by Geniu$
9-07-01
so......uh, what's it like to be a donkey?
I've never been anything else, so I have nothing to compare it to, if your asking me how my life is, then it's fine, but probably not as good as other donkeys and certainly not as good as some humans
I was generally just making conversation, the average human asks questions with no interest in the answers just to be polite!
but why would they do this? donkeys don't interact with one another unless it's for sex, then we just grunt and penetrate!
you know, I guess donkey's and humans aren't that different, except of course, we can masturbate!
mas-tur-bate?

 

by Geniu$
9-07-01
I can't believe she's replaced me with a fucking donkey, I've not even been gone that long, bitch!
I'm going to reclaim my position as the generic star of this web-site!
hmm, yeah, I guess C-4 explosives would do the job, but, it'll cost you!

 

by Geniu$
9-07-01
you know, there's far too much I could say, I mean, the joke's are endless, but, just pointing and laughing seems best!
it's the shirt isn't it?
aww man, you ruined it

 

by Geniu$
9-11-01
welcome aboard flight 77 to Los Angeles, I'm Osama bin Laden, and I'll be your captain today...
...uh, we may be experiencing some turbulence, if you'd just like to make sure your seats and trays are in the upright position...

 

by Geniu$
9-17-01
Pakistan on the left, Afghanistan on the right
I am here to issue you with an ultimatum, either you hand over Osama bin Laden, or you feel the wrath of the United States of America!
uh? Osama bin Laden? mee no speeky da eenglish!
Samdu ar sinsain deli da pesh Osama bin Laden, gelbura nechine fara Unites States a America!
sorry, sorry, no, don't know what your talking about!
some time later...

 

by Geniu$
9-17-01
Osama, you keep getting us into trouble, if it's not bombs, it's fucking suicide bombers, really, do we have to have "the talk" again?
aww come on, it's not my fault they crashed, those pilots learned to fly in the USA and Britain, that doesn't say much for their education system does it?
look, stop trying to change the subject, we need to be seen to be doing something about this situation or else America will destroy us!
listen, how 'bout you just let me slide? I can promise you a place in Allah's kingdom, if you just kill yourself and take Dubya with you!
luk at dem purty sparkles!

 

by Geniu$
9-17-01
oh father, I know it's been a while, but in the old days you used to smite everyone, now you don't do shit, I mean, look at the recent events, surely a little divine intervention would help!?
listen son in the old days people just wandered around doing nothing, it was mind numbingly boring, but it's too exciting these days to start getting involved in wars, they'll work it out themselves!
I knew I shouldn't have gotten him that Playstation 2 for Me-mas!

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