All comics by Slash_Raptor

Profile

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-18-09
Okay, Cooper. Enough is enough... We need to get you drinking out of a bowl like normal dogs.
Is that so?
I sense sarcasm... Something tells me you're not going to cooperate...
No, no I'll cooperate.
Then why the attitude?
Because I only drink out of that bowl when you forget to put water in my bowl...

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-18-09
I knew I shouldn't have eaten that lasagna...
You have GOT to start cleaning out the fridge more often.

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-18-09
Oh come on Cooper... Why don't you want to play dress-up?
Because I'm not a fruit...
Oh well... He doesn't really fit into any of the costumes anyway...
5 MINUTES LATER...
Greetings, furry mammal. Take me to your leader...
You need help...

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-18-09
What are you doing?
Chatting on MSN.
With who?
Some girl...
She hasn't actually responded to you, has she?
Don't rub it in...

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-18-09
Cooper? What are you doing here?
What? You mean I can't visit my owner at work?
I didn't realize you miss me while I'm working.
I don't.
Wait... What about the whole "You mean I can't visit my owner at work" part?
I was just trying to get you in a good mood so you'd give me free burger...

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-18-09
So... What did you do while I was at work today?
Trust me, you really don't wanna know.
Sure I do, we never tell each other how our days went.
Well, if you insist... I slept for 6 hours, woke up and scratched my balls, then slept for another 2 hours, woke up, and scratched my balls again... Then you came home...
Oh god... I could have gone my whole life whithout hearing that last part...
What's the big deal? I see you doing it sometimes too.

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-18-09
So... What are you supposed to be?
Well, I'm a cow... What are you?
No, no, I mean are you a pet or--
No... I'm a dairy cow... But I think I might also double as a sort of sex toy...
I'm missing the metaphor... How does being a dairy cow have anything to do with sex?
Well, everyday my farmer comes out, sits down next to me, and squeezes my boob... One at a time... Plus he never leaves unti lwe're BOTH satisfied...

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-19-09
So... How do you feel?
I'm a robot... I don't really feel much of anything...
Wow...
If I'd known how pointless your life would be I'd have never built you...
Technically, I'm not alive, either...

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-19-09
You must this "new friend" that Chris keeps talking about.
Yup.
What's with the hockey mask?
...Um... It's cause I'm a goalie...
Yeah, I'm sure... I'm gonna go call the cops...

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-19-09
Okay, am I stoned? Or am I actually talking to bacon?
No, I'm really talking bacon... What's so weird about that?
Well, in reality you're just a small slab of pig meat... You don't have any organs, nor are you alive... You're an inanimate object at the bottom of the food chain...
Hey, hey! Just because I'm bacon doesn't I don't have feelings...
No, wait, I guess it does...

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-19-09
Oh my god! You're The Grim Reaper!
Yeah, so?
What are you doing here?
What? You think just cause I'm a cursed soul harvester I can't have a taste for classic english literature?
Uh... I, um...
You're on thin ice... Choose your words wisely...

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-19-09
Frank, why do have a gun pointed at me?
You just make me feel a little uneasy, no offense, but you creep me out!
It's the hammer isn't it?
Among other things... By the way, here's your letter...
A restraining order? That's a little excessive don't you think?
Yeah, but I can't afford psychiatric therapy, so...

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-19-09
So... You're a superhero?
Yup...
Where'd you get the suit anyway?
E-Bay. I defeated the highest bidder!
So... Um, what's the symbol on your chest stand for?
Hell, I don't know... It came with the suit...

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-19-09
Hey, Grim.
Sir, there's something that I've been meaning to ask you... Why don't you care that I'm The Grim Reaper...
I don't care because I already know that I'll be going to Hell once I die...
Dare I ask why?
I wouldn't...
You know, I think I better go finish filing that report...

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-20-09
Death? What are you doing here?
My job. I'm here in case anyone dies.
Who's gonna die? We're off mission.
That guy in the red shirt. My chart says he'll die on your next mission.
5 MINUTES LATER...
You'll never take me alive!!!!!
That's true... I'll take you when you die...

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-20-09
Have you heard about this monster that's living around here?
Uh, is he big and green with huge tentacles?
Yeah...
It's right behind me isn't it?
You got about 3 seconds...

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-20-09
So, how've you been keeping lately?
I'm fine, but Red had a little meeting with the monster a few days ago.
Oh yeah! I heard about that... How is he?
I don't know, the monster probably gave up after a few hours of chasing him.
Are you serious? Red hasn't stopped running since then?
He sent me a lovely postcard from The Great Barrier Reef, he says "Hi" and wanted to know if I saw the monster around lately... I told him "No"... Just to mess with him...

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-20-09
Hey there, how you doing?
Holy crap! You're the monster!
Just because I look like a monster doesn't mean I am one! God! You fish are so prejudicial!
I'm sorry I'm didn't mean to insult you...
To late! Talk to the tentacle cause the face don't want to hear it!
Great... Sensitive and immature...

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-20-09
Yeah, so I just wanted to apologize... I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot.
So? What do you say? Can we be friends?
Um, we're fish... We uh, don't have feet...
You seem to be missing the point...

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-20-09
So... What are you?
Well, I'm a pencil... The one that drew you as a matter of fact.
You realize of course that this comic is being made on a computer?
A wise guy huh? Well, I know how deal with you...
2 MINUTES LATER...
You know... I don't really think I deserved being erased...
I beg to differ...

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-20-09
So... Did you like the movie?
Yeah...
You don't look like you liked it...
No, I liked it fine... I'm just feeling very awkward... I have this feeling that I'm going to make a mistake and ruin my first ever date...
Well, telling me that was a little off-putting, but other than that--
OH GOD! DON'T HURT ME!

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-20-09
Okay, this is the place. She said she'd meet me here...
Why am I here again?
You're here to keep me grounded... To help me maintain my cool.
Isn't that her over there? The one in the swimsuit?
OH MY GOD! I CAN'T DO THIS! I'M TOO NERVOUS!
Wow... I saw that coming...

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-25-09
What are you?
I'm a cigarette... I'm packed full of disgsting chemicals that cigarette companies unnecessarily pump into me... So? Feel like taking a break and smoking me for a while?
Uh... No... Not really...
I'm just kind of grossed out...
Maybe I should change my introduction speech?

 

by Slash_Raptor
8-25-09
How long have you been up there?
A couple of hours, why?
Well, I'm sort of waiting for you to die.
I'll be gone before that happens... I'm the son of God, remember?
Okay... Then I think I'll just hang around here with you for a while.
Ha ha... Very funny.

 

by Slash_Raptor
1-26-10
If you ask me, art is totally overrated.
What makes you say that?
Some of these paintings are nothing more than a red dot! Any idiot could paint that!
Yeah, but because a famous artist painted it, they buy it.
That's not fair! What makes them so special!?
Well, for starters, Van Gogh was insane and cut his ear off. Maybe you should try that.

 

by Slash_Raptor
1-26-10
This is a pretty spacious cave. Maybe we should move in here.
...
What do you think?
...
What's wrong with you!? Why won't you answer me!?
I was distracted by the huge, angry bear over there...

 

by Slash_Raptor
6-23-11
The aliens return to their spaceship after exploring Earth for a while...
Well? What do think? Should we make Earth our new home?
No, actually, I think I preferred Venus.
But... Your face got burned to a crisp on Venus, and we had to find a replacement head for you.
Well, see I was thinking I could burn off my penis and then that way you'd have to replace it too...
Dude... That's sick!
Yeah, yeah, now onwards to Penis! Uh, I mean Venus!

 

by Slash_Raptor
6-23-11
What'd you say this planet is called?
According to our navigation system, this is Planet Butzex.
That's kind of a weird name.
Hey! It looks like somebody dropped a bar of soap over there in that strangely placed shower room.
Got it! Hey what the-- AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Something tells me that they're not the welcoming committee.

 

by Slash_Raptor
7-05-11
Chris and his date. I never thought this day would come.
But, now that it has, it kind of helps me see them for what they really are...
A couple of bozos who wouldn't know the meaning of "relationship" if it bit them in the ass!

 

by Slash_Raptor
7-05-11
So I told him, "I am the Great Dr. Badshark and I have come up with a plan so evil, that those with inferior minds will burst into flames at the mere mention of it!"
Yeah, just like that.

 

by Slash_Raptor
7-05-11
Good work on those papers, Reaper, you've earned a handshake.
Er... I uh, I don't think that's a very good idea.
Sure it is! Your work made the presentation a breeze!
No, no, seriously, I, uh, I, er, I've gotta go!
Oh... Why doesn't anyone want to be my friend?
I'll take that handshake if the offer is still good...

 

by Slash_Raptor
7-06-11
So, Uncle, anything else you want me to know about before you leave?
My laboratory.
Laboratory?
Yes, it's just over there. Why don't you go on ahead and introduce yourself?
Don't worry, none of my experiments bite very hard.
Oh yeah, that really makes me want to go in there...

 

by Slash_Raptor
7-06-11
So, who am I supposed to meet?
Hello there! You must be the Doc's nephew. He said you'd be coming.
AAAAAHHHHH!
Is there something on my face?

 

by Slash_Raptor
7-06-11
I can't believe you actually showed up!
Why wouldn't I?
I don't know. I just know that the last two girls I asked out never showed up, so I kind of expected the same thing would happen with you... Only on our second date.
Well, now that we're both here at the beach, what do you want to do?
How should I know? I've never had any reason to think that far ahead.
I'm regretting this already.

 

by Slash_Raptor
7-06-11
You gotta help me Doc, I accidentally got a nail stuck in my forehead!
Right... Hang on, let me change out of these dirty clothes.
3 Seconds Later
You call those clean!? They're still covered in blood!
You think this bad? Take a look at the operating room.
I'm outta here!
Sissy...

 

by Slash_Raptor
7-06-11
Help me, Doc! I got a nail stuck in my forehead!
I'll be right with you. I've just got to put on some clean clothes.
LATER...
You call those clean!? They're still covered in blood!
You think this is bad? Take a look at the operating room.
I'm outta here!
Sissy!

 

by Slash_Raptor
4-15-12
.........
.........
How did he catch fire if we're underwater?

 

by Slash_Raptor
4-15-12
Oh, okay, so you're one of the experiments then?
Yes, my name is Mr. Rex. Shall I introduce you to the others?
Sure, I guess.
Well, unfortunately I can't... You see, I ate them a while back.
AAAAAHHHHH!
I love doing that...

 

by Slash_Raptor
4-15-12
This is Uber-Blob. It was created when the Doc forgot to clean out the fridge. The moldy lasagna got mixed together with some tapioca pudding.
HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU!? MY NEW NAME IS DEBBIE!
You're a genderless, anthropomorphic blob, not a human woman!
YOU'RE SO INCONSIDERATE!
Genderless. huh?
Okay, so, that's Debbie. It's her time of the month, so we'll leave her along for now.

 

by Slash_Raptor
4-15-12
This is Clemm. the only one of the Doc's clones that survived longer than five minutes.
The pleasure is all yours, punk.
Is this another one of your jokes?
Not at all, Clemm was successfully cloned from a living human being.
Who did my uncle clone to make that hideous thing!?
Joan Rivers. She visits Clemm every two weeks.

 

They didn't read the rules...
Nice shot! That gives you a final score of 249!
Wow! I have 200 more points than you!? I'm awesome at this game!
by Slash_Raptor, 4-15-12

 

by Slash_Raptor
4-15-12
You wanted to see me, Sir?
Where are all those souls you promised me!? I just don't know what to do with you...
Gee, I don't know... Maybe you could pull the stick out of your ass and give me a raise...
WHAT WAS THAT!?
You can still read minds, huh?
Yup...

 

by Slash_Raptor
4-15-12
10 minutes later...
I don't suppose you wanna make out?
Eh, what the hell...

 

by Slash_Raptor
4-15-12
So what are you?
I'm a puppet you silly goose!
Are all puppets gay?
Some are, but I'm certainly not.
Then why is there an arm sticking out of your butt?
You wouldn't believe me even if I told you...

 

by Slash_Raptor
4-20-12
And this is the prototype for the Granny-Go-Boom.
HELLO THERE CHILDREN. WHO WANTS SOOM COOKIES?
Please tell me my Uncle wasn't planning to sell that thing as children's toy...
Fine then. I won't tell you.

 

by Slash_Raptor
4-20-12
And this is the prototype for the Granny-Go-Boom.
HELLO THERE CHILDREN. WHO WANTS SOME COOKIES?
Please tell me my Uncle wasn't planning to sell that thing as children's toy...
Fine then. I won't tell you.

 

by Slash_Raptor
4-20-12
So has the um... Onstermay been bothering you lately?
What's an onstermay?
It's pig latin.
What's pig latin?
I don't have time for this...
Ont'day ogay! I asway ustjay iddingkay!

 

by Slash_Raptor
4-21-12
What do you mean you don't have any houses that could suit my needs!? You're supposed to be the best realtor in the area!
I am the best realtor in the neighborhood! I've got a lovely bachelor pad on my back as we speak!
Wait... You expect me to leave in a shell? I couldn't even fit in there if I wanted to!
......
......
Okay fine. I'll lower the price by an extra 10%

 

by Slash_Raptor
4-21-12
I'm telling you, buddy. That was the greatest date of my life.
It was the only date of your life.
Touché

 

by Slash_Raptor
4-21-12
For a while, I was beginning to worry that there might be something wrong with me.
Why? Because you couldn't get dates?
Yeah. But now that I've met Stacey, I know I'm perfectly fine.
Perfectly fine people don't talk to their dogs.
They would if all of their dogs could talk back to them.
Touché.

Showing page 1.

Next »