All comics by akshatkum

 

by akshatkum
1-23-10
Our destiny is pre-ordained, pre-controlled and pre-decided for us.
We live in an illusory world. Forces move us on the transcendental plane.
Cheer up. It's Thursday already.

 

by akshatkum
1-24-10
Dude! I got only 3 likes on my latest status. My social life is falling apart.
They could block me, hide my profile or delist me all together!!!
I am ruined man. I am gonna fade into oblivion!!! What am I going to do???
Try meeting some real people....

 

by akshatkum
1-25-10
The Boss expounds...
You know, I have been thinking. It's high time I quit this job & started with something more fulfilling. Enough of money and security.
Yes, Boss
I could start an NGO. Or have a restaurant of my own. Something exciting. It's all about taking risks! I am gonna start rightaway!
Great
An SMS arrivesSi...
Hmmm. How's Singapore as a weekend holiday spot?
Yup. Salary credited.

 

by akshatkum
1-30-10
I have had enough of that arrogant guy! He's been taking me for granted! I am never going to speak to him again!
10, 9, 8...
What does he think of himself? Am I supposed to call all the time? Do I have nothing else to do?
3, 2, 1...
Well...he did have some sort of a a cold...Is it ok to just ask how he is and hang up after that?
Blastoff!

 

by akshatkum
2-02-10
I am thinking of becoming an Agony Aunt columnist
Ohh! You mean the ones that go "I am a 14 year old woman in love with a 16 year old man"?
Great! You can tell those worthless wimps how utterly useless, unimportant & uninteresting their vicarious lives are!
The idea is to REDUCE the agony...

 

by akshatkum
2-04-10
I have been reflecting upon the supreme entirety of life. I am going to compile the ideation of all my thought processes and learnings into a book.
The title is "113 creative excuses for not attending your friends' marriages"
Intended for a niche audience, I presume?

 

by akshatkum
2-06-10
Hey dude! Whats up?
Nothing much man! I just broke up with my girlfriend!
Ohh that's sad! Why?
Irreconcilable differences
She uses Orkut and I am on Facebook

 

by akshatkum
2-06-10
So, hows it going? Are you in a relationship finally?
Nope. I don't think that sort of context is in place right now. How do I find someone?
Through friends
Then why don't you do something to help me out?
I don't hate any girl that much!!!
How thoughtful...

 

by akshatkum
2-12-10
I am planning to try this new Valentine's Day computer game
It's a complete V Day experience in which you try to woo a girl using all the resources at your disposal
It's great. She even has adjustable difficulty levels.
And lead us not into temptation...

 

by akshatkum
2-15-10
When friends prepare for MBA interviews...
I possess a refreshingly different & unique background. I have done my engineering and worked for two years in the IT industry.
An MBA incorporates a holistic orientation to a generalist approach in developing an integrated perspective for the resolution of key challenges facing organizations from a cross-functional viewpoint
I excel in academically rigorous environments. I have strong analytical skills & am a good team player. I believe I can best leverage my skill-set by choosing consulting as a career.
Mutually Excluded, Collectively Exhausted...

 

by akshatkum
2-28-10
I saw "Love Story" yesterday. Great movie.
I really agree with the line - "Love means never having to say you're sorry."
True. Nowadays you can just send an sms.

 

by akshatkum
2-28-10
The people in Compensation Management have framed a new set of pay practices inspired by Charles Darwin
They call it Management Induced Selective Evolution in Reverse (MISER)
Their research shows that human capital costs can be reduced by 100% if employees reverse-evolve back to apes

 

by akshatkum
3-02-10
You know, I have been thinking.
Over a period of time, natural selection will obivate the need for most parts of the human body.
Leaving only those that are needed for maintaining an online existence.
I click, therefore I am...

 

by akshatkum
3-06-10
I have realised that the whole of life is composed of three primary elements.
You mean creation, sustenance & destruction?
No I mean :-) :-( & :-I

 

by akshatkum
3-06-10
According to a recent survey, more & more young people are choosing not to get married.
Grammatical difficulties have been identified as the primary cause.
How?
They are unable to figure out whether "family ties" is a noun or a verb.

 

by akshatkum
3-10-10
I am celebrating Women's Day this time! It's the 100th anniversary!
Why do we celebrate Women's Day?
Well, we always celebrate things that occur only once a year you know!

 

by akshatkum
3-14-10
I have decided to finally propose to her.
"I wish to enter into a Synergistic Strategic Alliance with you in order to optimize my Return on Emotional Capital & maximize my Happiness Quality Point Index"
How does it sound?
Bro, have you ever heard of "I love you?"

 

by akshatkum
3-17-10
I am sure you understand that a career is a matter of a long-term orientation & attitudinal suitability from an organizational viewpoint.
Just say it...
Your progress is reflective not of your ability, but of organizational constraints in ensuring the right person-profile fit
It's ok. Jesus still loves you. Just say it...
Uhh...The results of your appraisal are on your desk...Umm...All the best...
So this is what they mean by 360 degree feedback. Both boss & subordinate turn back 180 degrees.

 

by akshatkum
3-25-10
Why don't we really matter in the scheme of things?
Why won't the world come to an end without us?
Won't even the bartender miss me when I am gone?
Don't THINK you aren't. KNOW you aren't...

 

by akshatkum
3-26-10
I am too depressed in life.
Don't even ask!
Anyway, thanks for being there.
Yeah I know I am 'there', but I dunno where 'there' is!

 

by akshatkum
4-17-10
Apple's latest innovation is called iConverse
It's an intelligent speech device with over 372 defined conversational responses including "Uh-Huh" & "BRB"
Intended for busy tech-savvy users who don't have the time to frame real responses to what people say
We are speaking more and communicating less...

 

by akshatkum
4-25-10
I find it weird when people these days talk about job satisfaction
In my time, job satisfaction meant satisfying the demands of the job

 

by akshatkum
4-25-10
I heard you got the maximum bonus this year even after shoddy management, poor execution & cost overruns
That's true, but I turned out to be the best performer after my metrics were adjusted to better reflect my disabilities
I am competence-impaired

 

by akshatkum
4-29-10
You know, I have realised. The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you are still a rat.
That's true, but if you stay out, you are a rat who didn't even try.
Theres a macabre appeal in that logic...

 

by akshatkum
5-01-10
We had a topless meeting today
Err...What's that?
It only had people from junior and middle management...

 

And on the seventh day, He said 'Guys, we have an urgent presentation tomorrow"
Amen...
by akshatkum, 5-05-10

 

The wants are few - money and sleep; But I have appraisals to weep...
And throw my life into a heap; And throw my life into a heap...
by akshatkum, 5-21-10

 

by akshatkum
5-22-10
I am standing at the crossroads. My purpose in life is to find my purpose in life.
I am stuck with an expanding waistline, a receding hairline and boring punchlines...
And even the Miss Indias are younger by 7 years!!!
Alas, the quarter life crisis...

 

by akshatkum
5-29-10
The 7 billionth. Should I or should I not?
How will the little fellow manage?
It's too risky...
Goo

 

by akshatkum
6-04-10
It's a decision which needs careful consideration...
So much time, and they keep testing my patience
But then, some of them give me hope too...

 

by akshatkum
6-25-10
The sun's shining, the breeze is blowing, the coffee's warm...
A Saturday is the epitome of everything thats right with human existence!

 

by akshatkum
6-26-10
The Devil's making a plan to bring an end to all of humanity...
At last, the perfect plan. I shall flood the earth with MBAs.
They won't know what hit them. Soon the world will be full of people doing nothing productive.
This is so big it scares me.

 

by akshatkum
6-26-10
The Devil's counterpart in Heaven comes to know of hIS nefarious plans...
What moment of bestiality inspired this heinous scheme! Even humans don't derserve this. You shall not succeed, Devil.
I shall find the ultimate MBA on Earth and endow him with great powers to face your hordes.
But where shall I find such a person?

 

by akshatkum
7-01-10
You know, I was in office till 11 yesterday night, working on the presentation
Really? You know, commitment is one thing, but bending over backwards is different.
The way I see it, the whole thing's going to fall anyway. So might as well stay back as far as possible.
Pragmatic cynicism, if there was ever such a thing...
But to manage your seniors' perception of you - thats pivotal.

 

by akshatkum
7-03-10
The problem with religions is their focus on understanding & mitigating the causes of suffering
I believe better results can be achieved by allowing the expression of suffering. Grumbleism is the way.
I shall start by establishing moanesteries.

 

by akshatkum
7-05-10
HR has come up with another plan for compensation management
This one's called the 'Sizzler' because it is similar in philosophy to the dish
You feel satiated, but you are not sure of what you ate

 

by akshatkum
7-05-10
Life has become too boring! I am doing the same stuff again & again.
There's nothing in life for me to do. There's nothing new at the moment.
Except, perhaps, the moment itself?

 

No, the iPill is not the name of Apple's latest tablet...
by akshatkum, 8-20-10

 

by akshatkum
8-20-10
Inspired by J K Rowling, I have decided to turn into a writer. My first book shall be on dealing with gastric troubles.
It will be titled "Defence Against The Dark Farts"

 

It's distressing to read about all the misappropriation of funds in the Games...
Yeah they seem to have taken the "Common Wealth" thing quite literally...
by akshatkum, 8-23-10

 

Why do we have to learn to solve cubic polynomials?
Yeah, it's 3rd degree torture...
by akshatkum, 9-01-10

 

by akshatkum
9-06-10
Have you installed your new boss today ?
Oops! Almost forgot!
Good morning, resource. I am version square root 4 of the Behavioural Obsequiousnes Supervisory System
Good morning, Sir
Kindly refrain from unwarranted assumptions about gender, race, religion, ethnicity and sexual orientation
I hope he has an uninstall feature...

 

by akshatkum
2-07-11
Good Morning, resource. Please note that as part of your special work enhancement allowance, you are allowed two cups of coffee per day.
Subject to a maximum of one cup per week.

 

by akshatkum
2-14-11
I really want to study radiocarbons man
At least that way I can truthfully claim that I am dating...

 

by akshatkum
2-15-11
I heard theres now a coaching class for all the reality shows
There always was. Its called life

 

by akshatkum
2-23-11
The Maybe Bank has come out with a new service line dedicated to employed customers who earn peanuts
They call it Primate Banking

 

by akshatkum
2-26-11
Hey congratulations on your MBA! Have you decided on your specialization?
Yes
I get scared of numbers, so Finance is out. I hate travelling, so no Sales. HR is boring & I want to avoid Operations
I think I should get into Thought Leadership

 

by akshatkum
3-19-11
It's quite simple. We are all resources for the organization, and all resources are indispensable.
It's just that some are more indispensable than the others...
Now that sounds familiar...

 

Ever wondered why Hitler and HR have the same starting and ending letters?
by akshatkum, 4-05-11

 

by akshatkum
5-14-11
I am so bored. There must be more to life than making ppts.
True. Why don't you start with pdfs?
I hate you...

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