All comics by awessendorf

 

by awessendorf
9-13-10
So Bill I'm afraid your blood pressure is a bit high.
Yeah Doc. I'm not surprised. I get that from my family.
Oh really? From your mom's side or your dad's side?
Oh neither Doc. I get it from my wife's family.
How in the world could your wife's family give you high blood pressure Bill?
Oh you ought to meet 'em some time Doc..*sigh*

 

by awessendorf
9-14-10
You know Ted tiredness can kill!
I had no idea Bill! You know I stayed up last Saturday night to watch the late late movie. I could have died!

 

Doctor, Doctor! Help me, I'm shrinking!
Well, you'll just have to be a little patient.
by awessendorf, 9-17-10

 

by awessendorf
9-20-10
Doc I just can't do all the things around the house that I used to. So tell me in plain English Doc...I can take it...what's wrong with me?
Well, in plain English Bill, you're just lazy.
Okay Doc, NOW give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.

 

by awessendorf
9-29-10
Bob, I have some good news and some bad news.
Ok Doc, let's go with the good news first.
Well Bob, you have 24 hours to live.
What!?! So how about the BAD news Doc?
Um... I forgot to tell you yesterday.

 

by awessendorf
10-01-10
Well you know what Chuck Norris says about diabetes right Ed?
No Bill. What DOES he say?
Well Chuck Norris feels that brass knuckles ahould be allowed in the fight to cure diabetes.

 

by awessendorf
10-01-10
Well Ed you DO know what Chuck Norris says about diabetes right?
No Bill, actually I don't. What DOES he say?
Well, Chuck Norris feels that brass knuckles should be allowed in the fight to cure diabetes.

 

by awessendorf
10-04-10
So Bill what do you do to stay in shape?
Well Ed I'm on a strict running program.
Wow Bill that's really impressive!
Yeah, well I started yesterday. I've only missed one day so far.

 

The results of a study released today confirm that living is the number one cause of dying.
Huh, you don't say...
by awessendorf, 10-22-10

 

How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch!
by awessendorf, 10-27-10

 

And now the latest news from the Department of Obvious Studies…“Sugary drinks and sodas linked to increased diabetes, metabolic syndrome”
by awessendorf, 10-28-10

 

by awessendorf
11-02-10
You know why they call penicillin a “wonder drug” right?
Hm...no, I guess I really don't.
Well it's because every time the doctor WONDERS what you’ve got he gives you that.

 

by awessendorf
11-02-10
You know why they call penicillin a “wonder drug” right?
Hm...now that you mention it no, I guess I really don't.
Well it's because every time the doctor WONDERS what you’ve got he gives you that.

 

It's fat-free, salt-free, sugar-free, wheat-free, and nut-free...Enjoy!
by awessendorf, 11-12-10

 

My doctor told me to avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill.
by awessendorf, 11-12-10

 

by awessendorf
11-17-10
And if the drugs cause a problem we have some pills that might help.
But Doc what if the pills you give me to FIX the problem cause yet another problem?
Oh, we have some OTHER pills for the side effects of the pills you take to fix the problem the drugs caused.

 

So, Mr. Branson, I understand you're experiencing some side effects from the drugs I prescribed?
by awessendorf, 12-03-10

 

So THEN she says to me, "You need glasses."
by awessendorf, 12-07-10

 

So THEN she says to me, "You need glasses."
by awessendorf, 12-07-10

 

I dunno Chuck. Times sure have changed. I used to get letters from kids. Now all I ever get are emails saying, "Hey Santa, check out my blog!"
by awessendorf, 12-10-10

 

Dear Santa, If you leave me a Xbox under the tree I'll give you the antidote to the poison I put in the milk. - Bobby
by awessendorf, 12-14-10

 

Look, trust me Santa, we'll just file a suit against all those kids who left you cookies that made you fat...we'll make MILLIONS!
by awessendorf, 12-16-10

 

Well thanks a lot Katie! Apparently Christmas has been cancelled because you told Santa you were a very good girl this year and he died laughing.
by awessendorf, 12-16-10

 

by awessendorf
12-29-10
Well hon I FINALLY made my New Year's Resolution. And this year I think I'll be able to keep it for once.
Yeah? What did you resolve?
To drive past the gym at least twice a week.

 

by awessendorf
1-04-11
I'm over here under the desk.
Uh, Alice...where ARE you? You said you were emailing me from your desk.
No Chad. I said I was emailing you from UNDER my desk.
Well what the heck are you doing under there anyway?!
I'm exhausted so I just decided that I would hibernate under here until winter is over.
?!!?

 

You're going to have to lay off the spicy foods.
by awessendorf, 1-12-11

 

Uh, Frank when Farmer Bob said he was turning this into a Free-Range Chicken Farm I DON'T think that's exactly what he had in mind.
by awessendorf, 1-21-11

 

Come on dude don't you want to become a Superbug and laugh in the face of Penicillin. All you gotta do is join us in the Antibiotic Resistance.
by awessendorf, 2-01-11

 

Come on dude. Don't you want to become a Superbug and laugh in the face of Penicillin? All you gotta do is say yes to joining us in the Antibiotic Resistance.
by awessendorf, 2-02-11

 

No, no you forgot it again. YOUR playing bad cholesterol and I'm playing GOOD cholesterol this time.
by awessendorf, 2-04-11

 

Now hold it Doc...will this prescription interact with any of the drugs ALREADY in the drinking water?
by awessendorf, 2-11-11

 

Yum...DINNER!
Uh dude, I wouldn't do that if I were you. Don't you know that I'm FULL of mercury?
by awessendorf, 2-18-11

 

I'm telling you Farmer Joe I'm mad...MAD I tell you...and I'm not going to take it anymore!
by awessendorf, 2-24-11

 

I haven't read today's health headlines yet. Is meat in or out today?
by awessendorf, 3-02-11

 

I haven't read the health headlines yet. Is meat in or out today?
by awessendorf, 3-02-11

 

Why would you think that you should start taking an omega 3 supplement Harry? You ARE omega 3.
by awessendorf, 3-09-11

 

by awessendorf
3-15-11
So what did you do this weekend Chuck?
We tried out that new grocery store downtown.
Oh, I've been meaning to do that. How'd you like it?
Well it was strange. It was divided into two sections...organic and whole foods on one side and then processed things you can actually afford to buy on the other side.

 

Gary no longer wondered what happened to those vitamin pills that rolled underneath the fridge.
by awessendorf, 3-18-11

 

No Esther you can't substitute saltwater taffy for your three servings of seafood a week.
by awessendorf, 3-29-11

 

So I was telling them that I don't know what the big deal is about working overtime. I mean why all the whining about stress? I've been doing it for years now and I'm perfectly fine.
by awessendorf, 4-05-11

 

Right this way Mr. Jones. First we'll run some tests to help pay off my school loans.
by awessendorf, 4-11-11

 

So I say to him, "But Doc I do watch what I eat. I mean I look at my food while I'm eating it. That counts right?"
by awessendorf, 4-18-11

 

So I say to her I have no idea what you are so worried about. There’s NO evidence that the seafood has been contaminated by the Fukushima Nuclear Power Plant.
by awessendorf, 4-26-11

 

"Well Miss it looks like it was just Fluffy trying to light up his catnip again.
by awessendorf, 5-02-11

 

Bob, I've got bad news. There's just no easy way to say this. The Atkin's Diet is making a comeback
by awessendorf, 5-10-11

 

I don't think I can afford that diagnosis Doc. Got any cheaper ones?
by awessendorf, 5-16-11

 

I don't think I can afford that diagnosis Doc. Got any cheaper ones?
by awessendorf, 5-16-11

 

Timmy just failed to see the humor when his parents gave him an INactivity book for his birthday.
by awessendorf, 5-24-11

 

Well you know what I say? If excercise is so darn good for you then why do pro athletes retire at 35?
by awessendorf, 6-02-11

 

Yeah, I'd like a #12 with fries. Biggie Size that. And can I get a side of Lipitor?
by awessendorf, 6-09-11

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