All comics by hepcatsmkt

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by hepcatsmkt
3-13-13
So the blah blah blah blah blah....
I wonder when our lunch will get here?
Oh no, he's going to ask what the meeting was about.
Hey bud, did you take notes at the meeting?
So what did you tell Johnson?
I handed him my lunch order, that's all I wrote down in that meeting anyway.

 

by hepcatsmkt
3-13-13
Just kill me, it would be easier.
So when you are finished filing all of these documents, you can clean the toilets up stairs.
That's odd, what is the door at the back of the room for?
I'm sorry, but I don't think you want to go in there.
Went into the sealed door huh?
Yup...

 

by hepcatsmkt
3-14-13
On the phone with the IT department
My laptop doesn't seem to working properly. Any suggestions?
Just disconnect the power cable and bring it over, I'll take a look at it.
IT Department
Ok I brought the power cable.
Did you bring the laptop?
No...you only asked for the power cable.
How on Earth did she get her job?

 

by hepcatsmkt
3-14-13
Well, your qualifications are fantastic. We just don't have any openings at this time.
Damn, I thought for sure I would get this job.
Meanwhile...
That's it, I am done with this place. First killer dogs and now zombies in the basement...
Umm, it seems we do have an opening...
Wait, did that guy say Zombies?

 

by hepcatsmkt
3-14-13
We know that everyone loves coming to these daily meetings, but we have some bad news.
No more meetings ever right???
We can't afford to serve lunch anymore, so we will all have to bring our own.
Uh, wait...what?

 

by hepcatsmkt
3-14-13
Attention everyone! We will continue to have these meetings until we figure out why productivity is so low. Any thoughts?
Meanwhile in an empty office...
I think maybe we have too many meetings.
Nonsense...well that's the end of another day...let's recap all of this tomorrow morning at the meeting.

 

by hepcatsmkt
3-14-13
Marvin...I need to have a word with you in my office.
Sure thing Mr. Head.
Back at Mr. Richard Head's Office...
It appears that you sent out a mass email to the staff yesterday.
Yes, I was explaining a new IT policy. Is there a problem? I was only following your orders.
Yes, you did not use the company's approved 10pt Arial Font as I had requested. I am going to have to write you up.
Well at least I write my own emails.

 

by hepcatsmkt
3-14-13
Hey, we all thought you quit. What happened?
Well after some serious therapy I decided to face my fears and come back to work.
Hey Mike, sorry you don't work here anymore. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Mr. Head gave me my job back, he didn't tell you?
To be continued....
I'm sorry man, I am going to ask you to leave or I am permitted to use force...
Wait...what?

 

by hepcatsmkt
3-14-13
I need a hospital...ouch.
Meanwhile back at Security...
Hey Butch, have you seen Mike? He's supposed to start work again today.
Ummm...no, can't say that I have Mr. Head.
To be continued...
I think my spleen ruptured, geeze Butch doesn't mess around.
I'm sorry did you say spleen?

 

by hepcatsmkt
3-21-13
Oh hey there Steve. Did you find that "thing" you were looking for?
What...? Oh yes, yes I did. Shoot I left it up stairs...be right back.
Wonder when Mike was going to start coming back to work again?
Excuse me have you seen a small styrofoam box around here? It had some human organs in it.
Oh god I thought that was my lunch...I thought it was a bit greasy.

 

by hepcatsmkt
3-22-13
"brrt beep blip!"
What was that noise Marvin?
Oh I was just getting a text message sir, sorry about that. I'll silence my texts.
"boop bleep bop!"
Marvin, I thought that you silenced your texts!?
Oh no that was an email, I'll just turn it off.
"frrrraaaapppp!"
Marvin!
That wasn't my phone sir...I farted.

 

by hepcatsmkt
3-25-13
Hey Marvin, how are you today? I am basically stuck in the copy room all day because of Mike not showing up for work.
Did he just say he was basically stuck in here? Does that mean he is or isn't?
Basically I have to make copies all day to make up for Mike basically not showing up. Mr. Head is basically very upset about the whole ordeal.
He said it 3 more times, that's 4 uses of a useless word.
What's the matter Marvin, basically you don't seem to have much to say this morning?
Have you been taking language lessons with Mr. Head again?

 

by hepcatsmkt
3-26-13
Good morning Mr. Head, what's on the agenda today?
Well I plan to waste plenty of time making coffee, small talk and screwing around on the internet.
After lunch I am going to try launching my new remote control helicopter off of the roof.
I meant what's on the agenda for "work" today Mr. Head.
Oh...how should I know? That's why I have underlings like you. Now get back to work...

 

by hepcatsmkt
3-26-13
Some concerns have been raised as to increase in deaths on the 13th floor. Also I do want to remind everyone the basement is still off limits.
Did he just say deaths?
Yeah they lost three up there last week. Ever since they hired the new guy...
To be continued...
Excuse me, am I late for the meeting?
Oh no...sorry Belial the meeting for 13th floor staff is in board room 306.

 

by hepcatsmkt
3-26-13
Meanwhile on the 13th floor...
Foolish angel, you will never drag me back to hell. Now that Belial has a job here we can come and go as we please. Mwa ha ha ha!!
Damn you Cthulhu! I will stop you!
Back in the Board room
Ummm...did anyone else notice that guy looked a bit like a DEMON!
Oh that's the new guy, Belial. Looks a bit strange but he's a real nice guy.
and...back on floor 13...
I cannot allow you to send me back angel, I will end this now once and for all!
I have defeated your fiendish allies, you will fall soon enough Belial!!

 

by hepcatsmkt
3-26-13
I'm not really sure what happened on the 13th floor, but it appears that entire floor is gone.
Yeah, Mr. Head was basically saying that it was a chemical leak or something like that.
Yeah maybe in his head, there were demons and angels fighting up there, I know what I saw.
Whatever Marvin, you've basically been playing too many role playing games.
To be continued...
I wish a demon would eat you right about now...
I'm sorry I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. Perhaps I can be of assistance...

 

by hepcatsmkt
4-01-13
That meeting was okay, but I am still a bit lost about the TPS and LPT reports, how about you?
Yeah, the LPT, and the SMA reports are a bit of mystery still.
I think I'll just stick with the BLT.
The BLT I don't remember that one...
It's my lunch.
Oh...

 

by hepcatsmkt
4-02-13
So what did Mr. Head basically say in the meeting?
He was basically saying that the IT staff needs to basically pull more weight and hours...basically.
Man that stinks for you and Marvin eh? Basically means less time off for you two.
Yeah it basically sucks, I basically hate Mr. Head right now.
What do you basically think Marvin?
I think you all need to find some new words in your vocabularies.

 

by hepcatsmkt
4-04-13
So what makes you think you are the right person for this position?
Well I have some computer skills, at my last job I played web games a lot.
So would you say that on a scale from 1-10 your computer and IT skills are a 10?
Uhhh...yeah, they are about a 10.
Johnson, were you giving fake interviews in my office to homeless people again?
No, not at all Mr. Head....I gotta get back to work now....

 

by hepcatsmkt
4-05-13
Alright it's Friday, got my coffee and my breakfast ready! It's going to be a great day!
Ummm...who the heck are you? This is my desk!
My name is....Marvin, yeah that's it Marvin. This is my desk.
Really well then why do you have a picture of my girlfriend and dog on "your" desk?
Oh well those aren't yours anymore either. Sorry bub, tough break.

 

by hepcatsmkt
4-08-13
On the phone with the IT department
IT and maintenance, this is Marvin can I help you?
Marvin, I am having some trouble hanging some items in my office. Can you come help?
Oh good Marvin you're here! Can you help me figure out these little plastic pointy thingies so I can hang stuff on my board.
Ummm, Mr. Head those are push-pins...
So you mean I just push them into the board and they stay there? Wow technology has really progressed!!
Don't say anything, just go back to your desk. Whatever you do don't call him an idiot.

 

by hepcatsmkt
4-09-13
The conference phone doesn't seem to be working. Go and grab Marvin down in IT.
Okay, I will bring him up here.
Oh thank goodness Marvin, the conference phone doesn't seem to be working.
Did you plug it in?
Plug what in?
The phone, I can see the cord on the floor right there...

 

by hepcatsmkt
4-11-13
IT, this is Marvin.
Hey Marvin, it's Johnson up on 4, I need a new keyboard for my laptop.
Hey Johnson. What type of keyboard do you need.
You know, a UPS one.
...Hello? Marvin you there?
Unfortunately...I work with idiots.

 

by hepcatsmkt
4-12-13
Hey, did you hear that Johnson was demoted?
Yeah, tough break huh? I heard he was moving down to your floor too.
Johnson, on my floor....
Oh crud there goes the neighborhood!

 

by hepcatsmkt
4-15-13
Hey Smith, what are you having for lunch today?
The usual, left-overs from last night.
I am making myself a delicious Peanut butter and Jelly sandwich.
Oh, well you enjoy that sir...see you at the meeting later.
Umm, sir are you aware that you are putting KY Jelly on your sandwich?
Oh damn it, I thought it was odd that the stuff was clear...

 

by hepcatsmkt
4-16-13
Hey Marvin, check this out!
Where did you get that?
It came amomonasly.
You mean anonymously right?
Yeah sure whatever. That just makes me skeptibal to use it.
You're an idiot.

 

by hepcatsmkt
4-18-13
Hey there Marvin, I was hoping you could install the new anti-virus on my laptop. I am leaving for Spain in a few days and wanted to be up-to-date.
Sure Mr. Head, just give me about an hour.
One hour later
Hey Marvin, are we all set?
Sure thing...here you go.
Thanks Marvin! Have a good one!
Have a good what? Have a good lunch? Have a good bowel movement...? I don't get it.

 

by hepcatsmkt
4-22-13
Hey, you're the new guy up on 5 right? You going to the Earth Day picnic?
Huh? Yeah that's me...did you say picnic?
Meanwhile at security...
I swear if I see that homeless guy around here again I am going to smash his face in.
Hey! Have you seen a homeless guy around here?
Nope...can't say that I have. I am off to the picnic myself...bye!

 

by hepcatsmkt
4-23-13
Hmmm...what's this? An email asking for my user name and password from IT. Seems legit.
Did you get that email asking for your user name and password from IT?
Yeah, sure did. Glad I was checking my email this weekend. Sent it over right away...
Meanwhile back on Monday...
Oh my goodness, how many of users gave up a password to that fake email? OVER HALF!!?? I work with idiots, all of YOU ARE IDIOTS!!!

 

by hepcatsmkt
5-06-13
Marvin back from the hospital...
Good morning! I am ready to get back to work today! I was getting real sick of all that hospital food anyway.
That's great news Marvin, we have about 5,000 tickets that need to handled today...
5,000!!! What has Johnson been doing since I was out?
Oh, well we let him go. Couldn't keep up with the work load.
Suddenly I don't feel so well anymore...

 

by hepcatsmkt
5-07-13
Man, I hate that smell everytime I get off the elevator on this floor!
Hey Raj, where is the bathroom on your floor? I really gotta go!
Just down the hall, follow the signs.
Meanwhile in the bathroom...
Dear Lord!! It smells like curry and monkey farts in here!! And someone forgot to flush!!!

 

by hepcatsmkt
5-09-13
With Johnson not being here anymore the work load is too much for me alone. I wonder if they will ever hire someone else?
Hey Ted, what's the good word?
Hey Marvin, meet the new guy in your department. His name is Dave. Mr. Head wants you to start training him right away!
Holy crap...I'm sorry I asked for help.

 

by hepcatsmkt
5-10-13
In Mr. Head's Office
Bob, do you know why I asked you in here today?
Marvin in IT said that there were some complaints about you pirating company software...well do you have to say for yourself?
Arrr! Get em' boys!
To be continued...
Arr, good work matey! Tie him up, get the software, and find me this "Marvin"!!.
Aye, Captain! Shall we make him walk the plank?

 

by hepcatsmkt
5-13-13
So you're the Marvin that ratted us out eh?
Uh, well you were stealing company software...it's my job to...
Yarr, stop it right there, you squabbling little bastard! I am going to give ye a taste of me cutlas.
Ooh cutlets, I love cutlets. Is it roast beef, or pork?
To be continued...
You didn't say cutlets did you...?

 

by hepcatsmkt
5-14-13
Marvin!, Thank goodness, I caught you in the parking lot. We need to move that new shipment of monitors over to building 3 by noon.
Okay, I will go get the new guy and get started right away Mr. Head.
Okay, phew! That was the last of them. All 30 monitors in building 3!
Oh Hey Marvin, Mr. Head sent me over to tell you that we need you to take those monitors back to the loading bay. Apparently he ordered the wrong ones.
If murder was legal, Mr. Head would be a dead man!

 

by hepcatsmkt
5-16-13
They only want chairs?! What do I with the table? I'll call Marvin...
Hey Marvin, it's Dave over in the board room, they only want chairs, what do I with the table?
I have been waiting in the storage room, remember?
We should have hired the monkey.

 

by hepcatsmkt
5-17-13
Outside Head Industries, Inc.
Crap, oh crap I am so screwed right now...crap, crap, crap!!!
Hey Marvin get a load of Maloney freaking out on the security cams down by the front garage!
Wow! What is freaking out about now? That guy needs some help.
So Maloney, what were you freaking out about this morning? I saw you on the security cams...
Oh, I lost my phone...

 

by hepcatsmkt
5-20-13
Marvin visits Maloney at the hospital after his nervous breakdown...
Hey Maloney, how you holding up in here...Whoa, they shaved your head?!
Oh, hey Marvin. Yeah they are doing the surgery today, I am bit nervous about the outcome.
Well, brain surgery is pretty serious, but you're in good hands with Dr. Waako.
I hope so, well they'll be coming in to prep me soon, why don't you stop tomorrow after it's all done.
After the operation...
Hey Maloney, how'd the operation go? Maloney?
blerp, derp, he he he...la la la la la la...

 

by hepcatsmkt
5-21-13
Maloney outside on his cellphone...
Come on...I gotta be the 10th caller this time...
SWOOOSH!
Hey Maloney! Didn't you hear that loud swoooshing sound? The landscapers broke a pipe and flooded the first floor!
Man, he made me miss the contest! Stupid Marvin!

 

by hepcatsmkt
5-23-13
So what is the problem with the printer?
No matter what we do we cannot get it to print, or access it from our terminals...
It's plugged into the power right?
Yes, of course.
It helps if the network cable is attached...
Oh yeah I wondered what that plug was for. Thanks Juan!

 

by hepcatsmkt
5-24-13
Alright Maloney, I need you to get to the 3rd floor, clean out IT storage, re-work the cooling system, manage the new router, and make stock of all the new terminals.
uhh, okay...
uhh, crap what do I do first? I can't remember everything Maurey asked me to do...Crap!
Hey Maloney, don't worry about Maurey. He wont remember what he asked you to do in about 5 minutes.
uhh, okay...

 

by hepcatsmkt
5-28-13
Hey Juan, did you setup the plans for the 4th floor?
Yup, sure did Maurey. Anything else?
Did you setup plans for the 5th floor?
Yes, I did. Anything else?
Hey Juan, did you setup the plans for the 4th floor?
Geez this could go on for a while...

 

by hepcatsmkt
5-30-13
Hey Juan, have you seen Marvin around? I feel like he is avoiding me.
No, I haven't seen him today, maybe he is out sick?
Is Maloney looking for me again? Geez he creeps me out. He's just so odd since he had his "breakdown".
Yeah, I know what you mean man. I told him you were out sick...so just try to avoid him.
Marvin, there you are bud! I have been looking for you all day!
Oh poop...

 

by hepcatsmkt
5-31-13
I finally won a contest...got 2 tickets to a concert!!
Did you hear Maloney screaming about how he won 2 tickets to a concert?
No, how happy is he?
Happier than Mr. Head's admin with freshly painted toe nails...
Ew! I feel kind of sick now.

 

by hepcatsmkt
6-03-13
Now Kenya, I want you to go and tell Marvint that he needs to train you on some of the maintenance and IT routines that we do. Just in case he needs help. Okay?
Yes, of course Mr. Head.
Hi Marvin, Mr. Head asked me to see you about...
Yes, I am aware that Mr. Head thinks that you can do my job, so I am going to try and make this as painless as possible.
A few hours later...
Thanks Marvin, that was way easier than I thought. I am going to paint my toe nails at my desk, see you later.
I can't wait till she tries to play solitaire to fix the network the first time I am out of the office...

 

by hepcatsmkt
6-04-13
Morning Maurey, Marvin said you needed me?
Yeah, thanks Maloney. I need you to get a maintenance cart from the copy room, and bring it to the 6th floor.
Stupid Maurey making me miss my contest...now I wont win that free lunch at Rudy Thursday's...
Oh hey Juan, you didn't hear that did you?
Oh I heard it my friend, what can you do for me to make sure Maurey doesn't hear it? I think they need a vent cleaned up on 5, why don't you take care of that for me?

 

by hepcatsmkt
6-06-13
Okay seriously, does anyone else think that Maloney is way too creepy these days?!
Yeah, I do too man...no joke. Just the other day he was looking over my shoulder for like 30 minutes.
Alright guys, if it's a problem lets just send him to the Speckhole building...we all hate that place anyway.
Perfect idea! I'll let Maloney know right away...
Later at the Speckhole building...
He he...this great I get to hang around and listen to my radio contests all day...

 

by hepcatsmkt
6-10-13
Hey Tony, come over here a sec...Mr. Head mentioned something about the maintenance you and the guys did on the 6th floor conference room.
Shit, here we go...
It appears that from Mr. Head's report you and your team forgot to clean up the a/c vent above the board room table...is this true?
Well Marvin was out that day, Maloney was at the Speckhole building, and I was up there alone so I may have missed that sir.
Well from now on when you guys clean up make sure you look up, down, left and right, check under tables on the ceiling and even under the legs of the chairs. Do I make myself clear?
Clearly you are an asshole sir...

 

by hepcatsmkt
6-11-13
So did you hear that Maloney was out on vacation?
Yeah Marvin was so happy he almost fell down three flights of stairs.
That was completely your fault, where did Maloney go anyway?
Oh I think he went to visit his son.
Isn't he away at school, where did he go again?
Clown college...

 

by hepcatsmkt
6-17-13
So did you hear...? Mr. Head is going to let his assistant work from home.
Really, how will she keep up without being on the intra-office network?
So Marvin, will you be able to get me connected from home? I was hoping you could come by and hook me up...
Ummmm...yeah I can do that Kenya, but did you have to say it like that?
To be continued...
Well Mr. Head, Kenya is all set up at home...I am sure that will be a perfect working setup for her, with her new baby at home and all...
Baby? Kenya has a baby? Crap...Umm I mean, yes of course perfect for her. Hey Marvin, I am taking the rest of the day off, if Big Mack comes looking for me tell him I'm out sick...

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