All comics by kane2742

Profile

 

by kane2742
9-19-07
I don't understand why people are arguing about distributing condoms on campus. What's the big deal?
Of course you don't care; you already have a lifetime supply.
But I don't have ANY con... Oh.

 

by kane2742
9-19-07
Do you know why I pulled you over?
Umm...speeding?
That's right. Do you know how fast you were going?
Honestly, I have no idea....
The speedometer only goes up to 115.

 

by kane2742
9-19-07
You were swerving a little bit back there.
Yeah, I'm kind of tired. I probably shouldn't have driven.
Why did you drive, then?
Well, I couldn't walk home...
I'm too drunk to stand.

 

by kane2742
9-19-07
So, are you planning to join a frat?
No, I have trouble with commitment: my major's undecided, I'm registered to vote as an independent...
...and I haven't had more than one date with the same girl in over six years. Hell, I can't even decide whether or not I'm agnostic.
Wow. You're really afraid to commit to ANYTHING, aren't you?
I'm not sure.

 

by kane2742
9-19-07
They say I'm crazy, but I'm not crazy.
You're dressed in a bunny costume holding an ax.
And talking to a chessboard.
And you think the chessboard is talking back.

 

by kane2742
9-19-07
Uhh...are you a zombie or something?
Umm...no.
So what do you want?
Don't say it. Don't say it.
Brrraaaains.... Damn.

 

by kane2742
9-19-07
This is the weirdest parade I've ever been in.

 

by kane2742
9-19-07
Your happiness disturbs me.

 

by kane2742
9-27-07
Hey, have you met my imaginary friend, Abby?
Mmm...No.
Hi, Abby.
Hi.
I'm not imaginary. Everyone can see me.
Not EVERYONE.
Name one person who can't.
Umm...Stevie Wonder?

 

by kane2742
10-07-07
Are you going to the blood drive on Monday?
Yeah, I always give blood.
Me, too. I'm "B" negative, how about you?
"A" positive.
Amazing... you're such a nerd that you even get an "A+" on a blood test.

 

by kane2742
10-14-07
What are you doing in here in the dark?
Trying to change this lightbulb, but I can't see what I'm doing.
So turn on a light.
But not that one.
AHHHH!

 

by kane2742
10-14-07
Ugh. I'm so fed up with my roommate.
What's wrong with her?
I can never go in our room because she and her boyfriend the foreign exchange student are always "studying."
Yeah, "studying." What do they claim to be studying, anatomy?
International relations.

 

by kane2742
10-20-07
Man, I hate speed bumps.
Me, too. Especially those four-foot tall ones that move around a lot and make noises when you hit them.
Uh... What?
You know, the kind you always see in school zones.

 

by kane2742
10-25-07
Marvin Gaye:
Romantic----------------|----------------------Dirty
How Sweet It Is to Be Loved By You.
Let's Get it On.
The Beatles:
Romantic----------------|----------------------Dirty
I Want to Hold Your Hand.
Why Don't We Do It in the Road?
AC/DC:
Dirty-----------------------|------------------Worse
Let Me Put My Love In You.
What Do You Do For Money, Honey?

 

by kane2742
10-28-07
Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite.
Where are you going?

 

by kane2742
10-28-07
How's your music class going?
Pretty good. Today we learned about Bach's Air on the G String.
Air on the G String, huh? What are you learning about next, Mozart's Water on the Speedo?

 

by kane2742
10-28-07
Fascist!
Commie!
Moron!
Wuss!
Fat ass!
Jackass!

 

Getting off the 'shrooms really turned my life around; I stopped thinking that evil turtles were chasing me and that I could jump four times my height.
by kane2742, 10-28-07

 

No matter how much we tried to stop him, he just kept on going after those pills.
Clyde still blames himself for Pac's OD. He keeps saying, "I chased him straight to the stuff."
by kane2742, 10-28-07

 

I stiw haven't wearned to speak cowectwy. Dat dawn speech thewapist couldn't hewp Powky oah Sywvesteh eithah.
by kane2742, 10-28-07

 

by kane2742
10-28-07
Niwvana
... ♫ A muwatto, an awbino, a mosquito, mah wibido ♫ ...
Bwues Twaveweh
... ♫ If yoah Win Tin Tin oah Anne Boweyn / Make a despwate move oah ewse yo' win ♫ ...
Those are definitely some looney tunes.

 

by kane2742
10-28-07
... ♫ Don't wet me down. Don't wet me dooown. ♫ ...
Too late.

 

by kane2742
10-29-07
... ♫ Ohhh how do you sweep? Ohhh how do you sweep at night?♫ ...
With a bwoom.
I usually sweep during the day.

 

by kane2742
10-29-07
... ♫ I'm just a man whose intentions ah good. / Oh Woahd pwease don't wet me be misundahstood. ♫ ...
*snicker*
Don't be an ass.

 

by kane2742
10-29-07
... ♫ Pictahs of Willy hewped me feew awight / Pictahs of Willy / Willy, oh, Willy♫ ...
Huh. Didn't know Elmer swung that way.

 

by kane2742
10-29-07
... ♫ You may be Wong fo' aw I know, but you may be white. ♫ ...
I'm Wong. She's white.
Yeah, it's pretty obvious.

 

by kane2742
10-29-07
... ♫ But den I spent so many nights / Thinkin' how you did me, Wong ♫ ...
That was supposed to be our secret!
Ewww.

 

by kane2742
10-29-07
... ♫ Well woman da way da time code I wanna be keepin' you wahm / I got da wight tempahtuah fo' shewteh you fwom da stowm ♫ ...
Wow. He's good.

 

by kane2742
10-29-07
... ♫ And she's buuuyying a staiwway to Heaven. ♫♫
*applause*
All right, Mr. Fudd. You've been up here long enough. It's time to let someone else have the stage for a while.
Ohhh. But da cwowd wuvs me.
Dey'ah stiw shouting out wequests.
Fweebiwd!

 

by kane2742
10-31-07
Unimaginative people
Blahh!
That's great, Jeff. Now come on, we're late for the party.
Nerds
I can't stay out too late; I have to study for tomorrow's Advanced Calculus test.
Yeah, or else YOU SHALL NOT PASS! heh heh
Perverts
Like my Halloween costume?
It's Halloween?

 

by kane2742
10-31-07
Not at all
I guess we could tell people we're dressed as Kurt Cobain and Dilbert.
Do you have a clip to keep my tie curled?
The normal amount
Kiyaaaa!
Dude, don't eff with Death.
Way too much
Want to know why my costume looks so authentic? It's because this is my real blood.
Yeah? Well this is my real arm.

 

by kane2742
10-31-07
Show off their physiques
Like my abs?
According to this thermometer, we're both hot.
Express their political views
Like my costume? I'm George W. Bush.
I'm Hillary Clinton.
Offend everyone
White power!
Whatever you thay, thekthy.

 

by kane2742
11-02-07
I'm tired of college. I could learn at least as much on my own for free and I'd enjoy it more.
Well, at least your degree will help you get a good job when you graduate.
I'm an English major.
Oh, shit, I'm sorry. Sucks to be you, then.

 

by kane2742
11-02-07
Political Science Major
I'd like to thank you, the people, for electing me to the United States Senate.
*applause*
Pre-Med
It was hard work, but we got your dad breathing again. He's going to be okay.
Thank you, doctor!
English Major
Do you want fries with that?

 

by kane2742
11-03-07
Political Science
I'm going to make the world a better place.
I'm going to get rich off lobbyists' money.
Science
I'm going to cure cancer.
I'm going to take over the world! BWAH HA HA HA.
English
I don't care if my job doen't pay very well, as long as I get to express myself through writing.
I used to like to read.

 

by kane2742
11-03-07
The guy in the dormroom across from me is going to get himself kicked out of school.
Why?
There's always marijuana smoke coming out from under his door and now he has a dog, which isn't allowed.
What kind of dog?
A Great Dane.
Hmm. So, basically, his room is like the Mystery Machine?

 

by kane2742
11-04-07
America's freedom is under attack by a group of people determined to commit acts of violence around the world...
...keep us in a perpetual state of fear, and impose their own religious ideology on everyone else.
And once they're out of the White House, we still have al-Qaeda to deal with.

 

by kane2742
11-04-07
Banker
The money.
Yoga Instructor
Flexible schedule.
Astronaut
All the Tang you can handle.

 

Why were you playing Solitaire when I walked by your cubicle?
Because the firewall blocks World of Warcraft.
by kane2742, 11-04-07

 

by kane2742
11-04-07
So God is watching me all the time?
That's right.
Even when I masturbate?
Especially when you masturbate.
And HE's the one judging ME?

 

by kane2742
11-04-07

 

by kane2742
11-05-07
What's today's date?
The fifth of November, a.k.a. Bonfire Night or Guy Fawkes Night.
You mean that British holiday celebrating an attempted terrorist attack on their Parliament?
Yep.
Why would you celebrate an act of terrorism? That's like if the U.S. celebrated 9/11.
You mean Patriot Day?

 

by kane2742
11-06-07
So now that we have a Kama Sutra, what position do you want to try out tonight?
I'm up for whatever you want to try....
I'm flexible.

 

by kane2742
11-08-07
So I kind of started a long rant on an Internet forum...
You know what they say, "Arguing on the Internet is like being in the Special Olympics; even if you win, you're still retarded."
...A forum for a site where people rate my work and me.
Forget "Special Olympics"; how are you even able to string a sentence together?

 

by kane2742
11-08-07
How was your trip to Chicago?
Not so great. There were too many - how do I put this? - African Amercans.
Yeah. Too many black folk.
Racist.

 

by kane2742
11-08-07
I didn't know you were part Hispanic.
Yeah. And that means I'm probably part black and/or Indian, too.
Part black, huh? I don't see it.
You can really only see it in my hair...
...and my enormous penis.

 

by kane2742
11-08-07
So I saw mandingo talking about something called a "Jackhammer Jesus" in the forums today.
What's that?
I didn't know before either, but let's just say, if you're not sure what something is, Google Images is not the first place you should look...
Especially when your Internet usage is monitored by your school.
I think those IT guys are getting an interesting profile on you.

 

by kane2742
11-08-07
Did I ever tell you that I have brain damage?
No, but that's okay. You didn't need to tell me.
Good. I'm glad to know that you under-... Wait.
What the hell's that supposed to mean?!

 

You're supposed to be working. Why were you playing Solitaire on the computer?
Because I didn't bring a deck of cards to work.
by kane2742, 11-08-07

 

I have carpal tunnel syndrome. The doctor says it's from all the time I spend online.
I hope he means it's from typing.
by kane2742, 11-08-07

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